"AITA for telling my husband's best friend the truth?"
So I (29F) am married to my husband (32M) and we have this couple friends we will call them Tony (33M) and Brittany (33F). My husband and Tony are best friends they have known each other since they were 3 years old, their parents are friends, the whole nine yards. Tony and Brittany have been together for 10 years but married for 3.
I have known the two of them as a couple since I met my husband, so in total I have known Brittany and Tony for about 5 years now. So since the boys are close, naturally Brittany and I also became close to where at one point I even considered her to be one of my closest girlfriends.
Now earlier this year it came out that Brittany stated that she no longer feels like she and Tony are in a happy marriage and that she was having serious thoughts of divorce.
I told my husband this in hopes to maybe talk to his friend Tony to just check on him and their marriage to see if it was really that bad. He told me that we should not insert ourselves into their marital problems and they need to work it out. I said okay and didn't think much of it after that.
Fast forward to a couple months later. I was at Brittany's house for a girls night. We did the usual which was drinking wine and crafting. 3 of Brittany's other girl friends were there as well.
That is when Brittany dropped the bomb on all of us that she is planning on leaving Tony. I was shocked but I didn't want it to put a complete damper on the rest of the night so I stayed and finished my craft.
At some point in the night Brittany and one of her other girl friends, we will call her Melanie, got really drunk and disappeared for what felt like a long time. I didn't think much of it and decided to get a snack from the kitchen.
As I was getting a snack from the kitchen I heard what was very obvious make-out noises coming from the guest room. I got very uncomfortable so I drank some water, gathered my things and headed home.
The next morning I texted Brittany and said do not lie to me, did you kiss/make-out with Melanie last night, I heard noises and I am not stupid. She said yes. After that we had a long discussion in person about how I was upset and disappointed in her that she basically put me in a position where it feels like I have to lie for her.
The week after this happened Brittany and Tony got into a really big fight and she told him she wants a divorce. Long story short the in-laws get involved and urges them to try marriage counseling first.
I told Brittany that if they are really going to try marriage counseling it needs to be based on a foundation of honesty and she needs to tell her husband what happened at girls night.
She told me that she is not going to tell him because she doesn't want to blow up Melanie's life and have Tony get angry and tell Melanie's boyfriend what happened. I told her that it is still cheating and she should tell him.
Well fast forward to just a couple days ago. Brittany is still doing this revolving door of "I want to be married" "I want a divorce". She even at one point over the weekend told everyone that she was done with Tony, packed a bag and left.
She decided to stay with Melanie... Then she comes back on Sunday saying "I can't throw my life with him away I want to work it out I'm sorry" etc. This secret is EATING ME ALIVE at this point and honestly I just cracked.
So I called Tony and I told him to meet me for lunch because I need to talk to him in person. I told him the truth. I told him that Brittany and Melanie made out one girls night. I told him that I was so sorry I didn't say something sooner and I felt guilty keeping it from him.
I told him I originally did not say anything because I was hoping it would come out in marriage counseling, and I wanted to give them a chance to work it out. He understood and told me thank you for telling him the truth.
Tony is now filing for a divorce and asked Brittany to leave because she lied to him. Brittany went off on me saying "forget you, you're a fake friend." She is upset with me for telling her husband the truth which is she cheated on him with another woman.
I feel like I did the right thing because I told Tony the truth. But you guys tell me, AITA?
Edit: To be clear they went to one counseling session. She told him that she didn't want to do them anymore, meanwhile she told me they were actively going to counseling.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I think you did right - Tony would have been reconciling on false pretenses. NTA. She’s only lashing out at you because she can’t blame herself and needs to deflect as cheaters often do. She wanted no repercussions because that’s what cheaters selfishly want.
Friends don't ask friends to lie for them.
NTA If I were Tony, I would want to know. If Tony had cheated on Brittany, she would want to know. She is ONLY mad because you wouldn't cover for her. Weird idea to pull the "Fake friend" card, because a real friend would check you when you're messing up like:
"Hey, what tf are you doing? Get your head on straight" a real friend isn't just someone who constantly placates your feelings. So no NTA, but your friendship with Brittany is over.
NTA. Trying to repair a marriage and not being 100% honest would have just made the situation worse. At least now Tony has all the information to make a decision.
NTA. Either you were going to hate yourself for covering for her or she was going to hate you for outing her. I'd say what you did will be infinitely easier to live with in the long term.
You got involved in someone else's relationship. This is what happens. YMNBTA, but you need to deal with the consequences of your choices.
NTA. Look, you’re going to lose Brittany as a friend but 1) that friendship was already going to take a hit when they divorced and 2) while you did choose a side, it was the side of honesty and fidelity.
Now just keep on supporting Tony. I’d just block Brittany and let any mutuals know that you are not down to support/hide cheating.The internet is weird about cheating and friends; if you’d chosen to keep silent, you’d have people attacking you for that. But these comments are pretty off the wall.