'AITA for telling my husband's BFF he 'let himself go' after he wouldn't stop teasing me?'

"AITA for telling my husband's best friend 'he let himself go' after he wouldn't stop teasing me about my crush on him in high school?"

Short version for my low attention span readers lol:

My husband (27), his best friend (27), and I (27) all went to the same high school. Back then, I had a crush on my husband’s friend, so I originally befriended my husband to get closer to him. After trying for a while, I eventually gave up because the friend got a girlfriend. Meanwhile, my husband and I became really close and eventually started dating. A few years later, we got married.

My husband is still very close with his best friend, and we all hang out at our place from time to time. The problem is that his friend constantly brings up our high school days and mentions how I used to like him. I told him many times to stop, but he never listened.

One night after a few drinks, I finally got the courage to call him out. I told him it didn’t matter that I used to like him, because he let himself go and I don’t find him attractive anymore. He got angry, and now my husband is torn.

DETAILED VERSION: I met my husband in high school, back when I didn’t think much of myself. We had a biology class together and sat next to each other. I thought he was cute, but I didn’t pay much attention to him until I found out he was close friends with the guy I had a crush on, who I’ll call Jared.

After that, I started talking to my husband more, and because he’s genuinely kind, he welcomed it. Eventually, we became close enough to hang out outside of class, and through him, I got to know Jared and the rest of their friend group.

I tried for a long time to get Jared’s attention, but he never showed any interest. When he got a girlfriend, I was crushed. My husband comforted me and told me I was beautiful and that Jared just didn’t see it. Not long after, my husband confessed his feelings.

Being a stupid teenage girl, I agreed to date him even though I still had leftover feelings for Jared, mostly because I wanted to feel wanted. But after a few months, Jared became single again, and I realized I didn’t care the way I once did. That’s when I knew I truly loved my husband and only my husband.

Years passed, and Jared went through a few relationships. His last breakup hit him hard. Sadly his girlfriend cheated, and he when that happened, he started coming over a lot to vent. Over time he changed from the confident and attractive guy I once liked to someone more withdrawn, chubbier, and honestly not taking good care of himself.

That’s when the teasing about high school started. At first it was just him complaining about how he used to look, but then he kept bringing up how "obsessed" I was with him. I ignored it because I figured he was just reminiscing on his old days, but it didn’t stop.

Yesterday night he came over again and went on the same rant about how popular he used to be. Then he threw in another comment about how I was “so in love” with him back then, and even added, “I knew you liked me, but you were not someone I’d ever consider being with in high school, no offense.”

It was insulting, and even my husband looked uncomfortable. I was tipsy and fed up, so I snapped and said, “It doesn’t matter because you don’t even look as good as you did in high school. I don’t care if I was never your type because you’re definitely not mine anymore.”

He looked shocked, my husband gasped, and I immediately felt overwhelmed and apologized. Jared got up to leave, but he was too drunk to drive, so my husband took him to our guest room while I stayed downstairs in shock.

We barely spoke the rest of the night. The next morning, Jared left, and my husband finally talked to me. He understands why I was upset, but he thinks it was wrong to say something so harsh when Jared is clearly depressed and struggling with his weight.

I get that, but I’m still angry that Jared kept pushing the same hurtful comments over and over. It feels like he is bragging about how I used to like him, and it rubs me the wrong way. So, be honest but not brutal. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Junior-Trade5338 said:

NTA. These constant taunts are disrespectful to you and your marriage. Your husband can't feel good that his friend keeps reminding him he was choice number two. You guys should demand your friend seek help for his issues. Only then would I consider staying friends with him.

OP responded:

Absolutely, my thoughts. I thought it was rude to me. (He was basically calling me ugly) But it was more disrespectful to my husband in the sense that he was trying to belittle my relationship with my husband.

TKyzr said:

NTA. He’s been dumped and is feeling low because his ex cheated. That’s a big blow. So his solution to that is to jump on a memory of a HS crush you had on him and dry hump it to death to build himself back up? NTA but he and your husband are. What did your husband say every time his friend made these comments??

Far_Nefariousness773 said:

You got a wimp for a husband. He should have been checked his friend. You are his wife. He doesn’t have to fight, but he needed to set the boundary and he never did. Nta.

OP responded:

Harsh, but I do agree that my husband should have stood up for me more.

Artistic_Musician_78 said:

NTA, in fact that was perfect, no notes. He wasn't just teasing you about high school, he was also insulting your looks, rubbing it into your husband's face that he was your second choice, and trying to make himself feel better by imagining you still want him.

And Vestiel said:

NTA. You stood up for yourself. I also think his friend makes these jabs at you and your husband to "test the waters" with you or to drive a wedge between you. I would honestly recommend cutting him off. For the sake of both of you