'AITA for telling my husband’s stepsister that we’d no longer be going on holiday with her?'

"AITA for telling my husband’s stepsister that we’d no longer be going on holiday with her/his stepsiblings ever?"

My husband’s parents are divorced so he has stepsiblings, a stepsister and one stepbrother, from my mother-in-law’s second marriage. He also has one sister who I love and get along great with. Every year the siblings take at least one vacation together.

To them it’s probably considered a tradition and it’s been very clear in the few months we’ve been married that his stepsiblings intend to continue that tradition regardless of how I feel about it. This is an assumption but I feel like they partly want my husband there because he either pays for it or has access to my father-in-law’s vacation homes.

The reason I want to put a stop to it is because I don’t like his stepsister or his stepbrother’s wife. My husband didn’t introduce me to his mother’s side of the family until after he proposed and from the start his stepsister and stepbrother’s wife were very frosty and standoffish with me.

I have no idea why they dislike me but I got the vibe that they were hoping/expecting our relationship to fizzle out. Now they’re a bit nicer to me but I know they’re not my type of people and I much prefer his sister and his father’s side of the family.

The idea of having to spend minimum one vacation a year with them makes me feel so much dread and I’m not going to force myself to do that. His stepsister informed me a few days ago that we’d be going to Greece in August. Honestly the way she told me instead of asking me really rubbed me the wrong way so I told her we wouldn’t be going on holidays with her/his stepsiblings going forward.

She asked me if my husband had said that and I told her no, that I was telling her that’s how things will be going forward. I know I should’ve spoken to my husband first but he knows his stepfamily haven’t been the most welcoming and I said it in the heat of the moment.

His stepsister essentially told me, his wife, that I couldn’t make that decision for him and that I didn’t need to come on the vacation but my husband definitely would. I was pretty angry at this point so I told her he wouldn’t go if I asked him not to, which is true but I think it’s made it easy for my stepsister to turn my mother-in-law against me.

My sister-in-law is siding with me but I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law doesn’t like me very much anymore. My husband agreed he wouldn’t go if I didn’t want to but he thinks I should’ve spoken to him and let him handle the conversation because now I look like the bad guy when I should’ve let him take the blame. AITA?

The internet had a lot to share in response.

happybanana134 wrote:

YTA.

'I told her we wouldn’t be going on holidays with her/his stepsiblings going forward. She asked me if my husband had said that and I told her no, that I was telling her that’s how things will be going forward.'

Your husband is right - you should have spoken to him and agreed together how to handle this. Instead you just started a fight where frankly there was no reason for one. Your stepsister doesn't need to turn your MIL against you. You're speaking for her son, without consulting him, being rude to his stepsister - yea, no shit she won't like you much after that.​​​​

GreekAmericanDom wrote:

ESH.

"I know I should’ve spoken to my husband first."

This is why you are an AH.

Ultimately, it is your husband's responsibility to manage his relatives. With something like this, you discuss with your husband first. Then either he or the two of you together communicate whatever is necessary.

LDowd096 wrote:

YTA. You don’t have to go, but you don’t get to dictate what he does with his family. If he wants to go, he gets to go.

This entire post is about you not getting along with them, there’s nothing in there to indicate that they are treating you unfairly, and nothing says your husband does not get along with them and enjoy the trip. They just rub you the wrong way and you decided that he doesn’t get to go because of that. That’s a big no.

SaltyNethers wrote:

YTA. You don't get to make decisions like this for your husband. You can discuss it with him like an adult, and hopefully reach an agreement where he supports your position. But if he chooses to spend this time with his family, that's HIS decision, not yours. If you don't want to participate in his family tradition, then stay home or take your own separate vacation.

WholeAd2742 wrote:

Sorry, YTA. You got pissed and arbitrarily decided your husband couldn't go on vacation with HIS own family. That's not how it works, and you looked petty doing it. The issue is you and your husband need to actually TALK about your feelings and figure out how to address it. Trying to alienate his own family is toxic and abusive, and doesn't make you any better here.

IAmTaAlways wrote:

YTA, so you just unilaterally get to make all of his decisions for him, like his mommy? Red flag behavior, of course he should get a say in whether or not he takes a vacation with his own family members. Even if he agrees with you by the end of the conversation, the conversation still needs to happen.

IndependentNoise513 wrote:

Why do I feel like there is more to this? You didn't really make this very clear. Why did he wait to introduce you to his mother's side of the family? Does your father-in-law have money and that's why you like his side more? What about your husband? What does he want? You have presented all of this in a pushy and demanding way and you don't come off very well. Are you always this rude?