'AITA for telling my in-laws the real reason we're divorcing after they kept blaming me?'
"AITA for telling my in-laws the real reason we're divorcing after they kept blaming me?"
My wife and I have been together for about 8 years married for 6. We have a kid together and honestly I thought we were going to be one of those couples that made it. I really loved her.
After she had our kid she gained some weight and never really lost it. It didn't bother me at all. I was still attracted to her and told her that constantly. But she didn't believe me. She hated how she looked and no matter what I said it didn't help.
Over the years it got worse. She gained more weight and her self esteem tanked. I tried everything I could think of to make her feel good about herself but nothing worked.
Then a few months ago I found out she cheated on me. When I confronted her she said she felt so bad about herself she wanted to see if other men would find her attractive. Men who didn't have to love her.
Like I only loved her because we have a kid and I was stuck. That hurt more than the cheating honestly. We decided to divorce and I wanted to keep things civil for our kid. I didn't go around telling people what happened. I just said it wasn't working out.
But her parents kept coming at me. Her mom especially. They were convinced I was leaving her because she gained weight. Called me shallow. Said I was abandoning my family over looks. Every time I saw them it was another lecture about what a terrible person I was.
After weeks of this I finally snapped. I told them the truth. I said I wasn't leaving because of her weight, I was leaving because she cheated on me. Am I wrong for telling them?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You kept it private and they kept pushing. Eventually that's on them.
If they didn't want to know exactly why y'all were divorcing they shouldn't have asked, needled or blamed.
NTA. Her family wouldn’t let it go and continued to push. It is entirely on your now ex wife for how this all turned out. She could have chosen to go to therapy for her self esteem issues rather than choosing to go out and cheat on you.
Not wrong at all. It’s really none of their business what your reasoning is anyway. But good on you for telling them.
You're leaving because she cheated. She cheated because she couldn't deal with the weight she gained, according to her...You're not wrong. Personally I'd blast her for cheating.
Not wrong. You didn't tell them in a vindictive way to get back at your wife for her infidelity which quite honestly you would be more than entitled to do and not be considered an AH. You told them because they smothered you with BS that wasn't true and you needed to tell them to dispel their erroneous suppositions and to back off.
Be prepared to be the bad guy either way. When confronted by her parents she likely to feed them more lies that you put her down for her weight gain and she had no choice but to cheat on you because she felt worthless and unloved. I'd block the inlaws numbers from my phone and email, and social media if they have it. You have no reason to communicate with them any further.
Not wrong. If she couldn't tell them, you have every right. I just found out my wife cheated on me three years ago, she told everyone except me. Her daughter knew, her parents, siblings, friends, church friends, Bible study friends. Everyone but me.
She confessed to me just before Thanksgiving last year. She got sick just after telling me so we didn't have to go see her family. I wasn't gonna go anyway from the embarrassment of being the only one that didn't know. I'm still figuring it how I feel. She had a bipolar manic episode just before Christmas and we are still in it.
I am keeping her from disappearing like she's done before in this state. Her family thinks I am the greatest husband because I haven't left even with all her BS. Perhaps I'm just lazy, I really don't want to start over at 55.
NTA. They interjected themselves in your marriage/divorce when they constantly offered their opinions.
NTA It wasn't any of their business to be honest with you. It's not their marriage. They need to take it up with your ex. I would let your ex know that in the future that she should be more honest with her parents and that you don't want to hear anything more from them (other than an apology) about your relationship with her or your child.
Otherwise this is a pattern that will continue (her lying to them and then taking it out on you). Good luck.
Please update.
Not wrong at all. They got that idea from somewhere or somebody. Your wife either led them to believe it or didn't correct them when they assumed it. I can appreciate you wanting to keep it private.
That's very noble of you, but a person can only get bashed for something that's not actually the reality of it for so long. You are not wrong to set the record straight and defend yourself against that kind of onslaught. I would have likely done the same. A person can only take so much. Especially if it is not even remotely the truth.
NTA. But you kinda could have told your ex about it when it started and told her to handle it, warning her that if she makes you look like the villain you'll tell them the truth. But honestly, she could and should have done that from the beginning. I highly doubt that they have been verbally going after you like that, and not said a single thing about you to their daughter.