'AITA for telling my MIL we're not paying for her appliances?'

"AITA for telling my MIL we're not paying for her appliances?"

So I 25 F live with my husband 25M and his family. His family consists of his mother (who ill be referring too as MIL) and 2 older brothers (Kevin 30 and Alan 27). For some background, I would consider my husband's family being very close knit, being that they always had movie nights, game nights and dinner together the majority of nights. I also got along well with my MIL before this situation.

We recently got married, and decided to move in with my husbands family because we want to save up for a house, while I also finish my education. Of course before making this decision we had sat together as a family and discussed what everyone thought and if everyone agreed.

Additionally during this conversation we had specified that we would have a timeline to move out even if it weren't because we purchased a home. When I moved in (about 4 months ago) we as a family decided to split every bill equally and that MIL would send a text letting everyone know the total for the month. Well last month MIL decided to purchase some appliances for the home.

This wasn't discussed as a family and most of us didn't even know until a few days before they arrived. When we found out about this my husband and Kevin both separately spoke to MIL to make sure this was an individual purchase instead of a family one, because none of our appliances were broken/non functional. She in both cases just stated that it was her purchase and left it at that.

A month goes by and MIL sends the bill text and Kevin notices that the appliances have been added. He sends a text asking why its on the bill and that this needed to be discussed. MIL only reply to this is "since we all use the appliances we should all pay for it."

Since Kevin, my husband and I were home, we have a conversation and decided to send the money excluding the appliance cost. To my knowledge Alan just goes with whatever MIL says and probably sent the full amount.

Fast forward a few hours and MIL comes home furious but after some time we all just state that we aren't going to pay for appliances we didn't need and had previously clarified we weren't paying for. I left most of my commentary for my husband to handle so it wouldn't come off as me trying to attack her, or intrude on her home.

However I did clarify at a certain point that it just didn't sit well with my husband and I that she would just add that to the bill with no previous conversation and never even motioning it. This being amplified because my husband and I trusted her completely and never looked at the breakdown cost she would include with the bills. We would just see the total and send it.

She said we're being unreasonable and that we should be grateful because moving out would be way more expensive. Then after a few days just proceeded to ask my husband when do we plan on moving out and started sending passive aggressive text and rentals showing how expensive everything is. So AITA for basically telling her we're not paying for her appliances?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Usrname52 wrote:

When you say "appliances," do you mean she bought a waffle iron and tea kettle? Or got rid of the refrigerator and stove and bought new ones? It sounds like she had two possible outcomes....you give in and pay for the stuff, making it cheaper for her. Or you don't, and you move out. She probably feels like she wins either way.

OP responded:

I would have clarified but ran out of space. She purchased a brand new fridge, oven and stove, dishwasher and microwave. Everything was either in perfect condition or working condition. We even said that we were willing to pay for the microwave because that was the only appliance that was semi broken. And it was only the handle that would move out of place, but other than that ir also worked perfectly.

mimka79 wrote:

NTA. You have mutually agreed on what expenses are shared and a timeline for living in the family home. Any changes in the expenses or timeline need to be discussed and agreed to.

She bought those appliances because she wanted them, not because she needed them, and expected to bully and manipulate you and her sons into paying for them. She is trying to take advantage of you. Always get your agreements in writing, especially with family and friends.

There seems to be a feeling they can abuse these agreements with the 'but we're family' or the 'but we're besties' clauses, and the very unoriginal 'but I'm doing YOU a favor and you should be grateful' clause. Stand your ground and be ready to move if this agreement becomes untenable. Also, let your husband handle this. It is not your battle with her.

OP responded:

THIS is exactly it. In the past I have agreed with her for certain chores around the houses but I noticed she used it as a control tactic for my husband. So I stopped telling her when I agreed with her.

Externaljackfruit290 wrote:

Appliances should last 10 years. Let’s say for sake of argument they only last 7 years. So you could tell her you will pay your 20% share of the amortization of these appliances each month. For example, let’s say she spent $4k including tax. 4K / 7 years x 20% (your share) is about $10/month for you and your hubby. Offer that.

That’s completely fair. Why should you pay fully for an appliance that you may only use for a year or two? All that said, you are getting a great deal so if it was me I’d tell her I am not paying for appliances but I am fine if she wants to add $100/month to my bill as a thank you for staying rent free in the house.

GardenSafe8519 wrote:

NTA. Ask her which appliance is yours to take when you move seeing as you're expected to pay for the new ones. Or are you supposed to cut the appliances in thirds? Sounds ridiculous right? Because it IS! Just because you USE it doesn't mean you have to pay for it.

ooragnak_ume wrote:

Can you take 25% of the appliances with you when you leave? No? So they are a purchase for the house and doesn't count as utilities/bills. NTA.