"AITA for telling my mom to evict her boarder?"
My (31F) mother's (56F) workplace has gone on strike twice in the last two year, and to help with some of the financial burden this has caused her, she has decided to rent out a room in her house to students. Her first boarder (28NB) only rented for a month before finding a place closer to their school, but they were quiet, clean, respectful, and mainly kept to themself.
The current boarder (34F) has been renting since September, and is very much the opposite her predecessor. I immediately got red flags from her after she told me her entire traumatic backstory unprompted less than 48 hours after we met, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, as did my mother.
This turned out to be a mistake; the boarder has been overly familiar with my mother the entire time she has lived with her, cornering my mother (who works night shift) as soon as she gets home to vent about the numerous dramas going on her life as if my mother is a free therapist.
She never cleans up after herself, takes showers in the middle of the day even after being repeatedly told that's when it's the most expensive, and constantly invites herself on my mother's outings because she doesn't have a driver license and dislikes taking the bus.
She also frequently shames my mother for "not eating healthy" while ordering takeout daily that she eats in her room and STILL hasn't taken any of the containers to the garbage or recycling even after being asked every week.
My mother constantly tells me how frustrated she is with her boarder, but I've noticed that what she tells me and how she actually acts towards the boarder are contradictory. For example, the boarder can't actually pay her December rent because she used up all her OSAP on takeout (and is unemployed); when she told my mother this, my mother went and bought her groceries.
I know that part of the reason my mother is giving her boarder so many second chances is because the boarder a recently out trans woman with ADHD, and my mother feels sympathy for her.
Plus, my mother was evicted from her last home back in 2020 because her landlord wanted to sell the building, and she doesn't want to put someone else through what she went through. I also think that a lot of the issues my mother is dealing with are due to her not doing enough research before taking on tenants.
However, I've argued that the boarder isn't my mother's responsibility. My mother's financial situation is no longer dire enough that she needs to keep renting the room, and while she doesn't want to make the boarder homeless, I know that said boarder still technically owns the apartment she was living in before moving.
I've told my mother that the best thing she can do is tell the tenant that she needs to move out by a certain date (which my mother technically doesn't have to do, since no lease was ever created or signed), but she seems reluctant to take action. AITA for making this suggestion? And if not, what do you recommend my mother do?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Illustrious_Shirt569 wrote:
NTA. My mom had boarders (in a VHCOL area) paying so little that they didn’t even cover the utilities they used - for 20 years! I finally got her to ask them to leave because I moved there and my family needed a place to stay ourselves. She felt so much guilt over not continuing to subsidize their disinterest in making or saving enough money to pay her even close to a market rate.
YearlyDepression wrote:
NTA. But you should get some legal advice. The fact that there’s no signed lease might not matter — your mom may have to go through a formal eviction process. Check the local laws in your area.
Your mother likely has to begin by giving her a 15- or 30-day notice to vacate (depending on your state and local laws). You definitely are NTA for making this suggestion — the hoarder boarder needs go as soon as possible.
Fresh-Sport-8784 wrote:
Honestly, this is on your mom to sort out. If she wants to enable a tenant that’s clearly taking advantage of her, then that’s her choice. I will say this as someone who works as a rental housing inspector for a municipality: I hope your mom gives the tenant no further opportunity to take advantage of her.
When the time comes that your mom wants the tenant to vacate, which will happen, she needs to adequately prepare by understanding local and state tenant laws. Just because there is no lease does not mean that the tenant is not a legal tenant according to many jurisdictions if they’re paying rent.
Your mom needs to protect herself. It is better to hope that the worst case scenario doesn’t happen, but still be prepared for it! I see so many lovely, giving and helpful property owners be royally screwed by crapp tenants that they thought they had a good relationship with. Good luck.
Meriadoxm wrote:
This is your mother’s problem, not yours. She’s enabling this woman to use her, she’s the one who has to live with those consequences. I’d sit your mother down, explain her options, explain the concern you have about her, ask if she needs help and if not then let the chips fall where they may and stop inserting yourself in the situation.
Also given OSAP I’m assuming you’re in Ontario. A written lease isn’t necessarily required for a rental agreement to be enforced. So be very careful there.
Andagonism wrote:
Free rent and get food supplied, when can I move in? Seriously, this person seems to have some kind of mental health issue, what with not cleaning up, storing food containers in their room and by the sounds of it, bad with money.