'AITA for telling my mom that I don't care if she leaves my home? She's been pushing boundaries.'

"AITA for telling my mom that I don't care if she leaves?"

I'm (F24) pregnant, living with my husband and four cats. My mom has struggled financially since divorcing my dad when I was young. At 18, I moved in with her after a fight with my dad, working and studying while helping her with bills.

Two and a half years ago, I met my husband, quit working, graduated university, and moved into a new house with him and my cats. My husband earns well, providing a comfortable life, and began supporting my mom financially when I stopped working.

Recently, she moved in with us because she couldn’t afford rent, agreeing to help with chores for extra money. However, she’s been toxic, constantly complaining about issues like a broken toilet, and after a man came fix it, she complained about the man and said she had no privacy.

She also invited my older sister, with whom I’m estranged, my husband said she couldn't come, leading to conflict, but he even offered to drive her somewhere where they could meet, she refused. My mom now complains about my husband to me, which makes me feel bad to the point of crying. I tell her to not get me involved, but she only tells me and never him, like a coward.

Then she plays the victim. Today she threatened to move out after an argument, I told her to do what she wants and that I no longer care, and she twisted it as me kicking her out. It’s exhausting, but my priority is my baby’s well-being, which depends on my own. I want her to leave but feel guilty because she has nothing.

I'm not exaggerating, every. single. day. she complains about something/acts offended/plays the victim. She also says my husband is stingy, for not helping her more, but this isn't communism. I'm tired. When I cry she says I play the victim only cause I'm pregnant like ??? So, AITA?

*Forgot to add: It was my husband's idea that she moved in with us temporarily. He always tries to make me happy and knew I was worrying too much about her situation. We told her from the beginning we are moving to a new house in August, so that is the deadline for her to move as well.

The plan was that she could save some money here, so once we all leave she is able to find a place, but she has spent all her money on my grandma, and my grandpa d#$d like 3 months ago, so that adds to the guilt I feel because my mom is still grieving.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

briomio wrote:

Why isn't your mother working? She lives with her daughter and needs money. Isn't the obvious solution that she needs to get a job? Is she disabled? If so, has she applied for disability status? Can she qualify for subsidized senior housing? If so, she needs to get on a waiting list for such housing.

OP responded:

She does work, but like once or twice a month, she is a singer but that isn't working for her anymore, but she doesn't want to "give up". The older she gets the less people hire her at events/restaurants. When she was younger she used to do fine.

CleanCardiologist160 wrote:

You are NTA for telling your mom that you don’t care if she leaves. However, you are an AH for this: * My mom now complains about my husband to me, which makes me feel bad to the point of crying. I tell her to not get me involved, but she only tells me and never him, like a coward.*

That is YOUR mother, not his. Leaving all this on his shoulders to handle is wrong. You can’t be uninvolved. This is your family that he wouldn’t have to deal with if he didn’t love you. Defend your husband. Mom needs to go and not because she threatened to go. You need to tell her that she needs to find a place to live.

You are having a baby and the stress of your current household is not good. Your husband deserves peace in his home and so do you. Everyone has a breaking point. Please don’t let your family destroy the life you are building with your husband.

Bokatan778 wrote:

You’re an AH to yourself and your baby if you don’t kick her out ASAP. You know she is going to continue to make your life miserable. Kick. Her. Out.

NTA but come on. Don’t feel guilty, she’s a grown woman who is taking advantage of you.

Realistic-Weird-4295 wrote:

YTA for this:

"My mom now complains about my husband to me, which makes me feel bad to the point of crying. I tell her to not get me involved, but she only tells me and never him, like a coward. Then she plays the victim."

Dude. That's YOUR husband! Why tf are you not shutting that s#$t down hard?? Why are you making your husband deal with your s#$t of a mother? That's your job. Do it. You won't be TAH for putting her out, assuming you do it.

Saying you don't care if she does is taking zero responsibility for your own life and I wouldn't be surprised if your husband comes to certain conclusions, or maybe even here asking if he's TAH for booting you out with your mom.

puzzleheaded-age-240 wrote:

Your mom needs to go. This needs to be a firm decision, with a firm (and soon) deadline if you want to save your marriage. Your mom is a professional and perennial victim. You can't fix her. You probably can't/shouldn't even help her if there is no sustainable path to self-sufficiency.

Your priorities need to be your own health, your own marriage, and your own parenting journey. I know this kind of thing is mentally and emotionally exhausting, but she is a grown up and should not be your burden. I wish you the best of luck, a healthy pregnancy, and a smooth birth. But all of it needs to start with getting your mom out of your house and your head. NTA.

Spirited-Explorer99 wrote:

NTA your mom needs to get out, her stressing you out and your husband out isn’t good for the baby or your marriage. She can pick up a second job if she needs to but she no longer deserves the help of your husband after she’s been nothing but nasty towards him, you need to step up defend your husband and put her straight she’s your mother.