'AITA for telling my mom that I don't want her to see the apartment I will buy?'

"AITA for telling my mom that I don't want her to see the apartment I will buy?"

I'm 30-years-old. Currently I live with my mom and dad at our family house. My dad is a cool and easy-going guy, however my mom is something different.

My mother is a person who is very imperious and usually demands the things to be done her way without asking for anyone's permission. She is an extremely pessimistic person who is looking for problems literally everywhere. While she is a caring and loving person.

She's also toxic to the point where after years and years of fights over the smallest things in our house between her and my father/me, my father and I developed some sort of passive aggressive stance towards her where we subconsciously began dismissing her various shenanigans which usually made her upset.

She'd claim we're trying to sideline her and make her look like an idiot. It came to the point where on Christmas eve after another argument my father threatened her with divorce if she doesn't stop with her toxic behavior.

Now, after years of hard work, I finally managed to gather enough funds to buy myself an apartment. I talked with the owner and he said that we can visit the apartment in a couple of days in order to see how it looks and so that the housing expert can see it and tell the price.

After I announced that, my dad and mom were happy about the fact however my mom said she doesn't want me to leave the house and instead the apartment should be rented out so it could pay the mortgage that comes with it. Tomorrow is the day on which we go to see the apartment and my mom said that "we will go to see the apartment" and she was very excited about it.

This is where my passive aggressive stance kicked in again, knowing that my mom would try to find problems and discourage me from buying the apartment, I instinctively said "You're not coming." My mom began yelling at me that I see her as nothing and that she's worth less than 0 to me.

She began crying and saying that she would give her heart away for me, my safety and comfort and that I broke her heart and treat her like crap instead. I told her that knowing her previous shenanigans, she would discourage me and my dad from buying the apartment, hoping to keep me inside the house and preventing me from making my own choices.

I told her that it is entirely my decision this time wether I will buy the apartment or not since I am sick of her making decisions for me or my dad without ever asking us for our opinion. She continued to cry afterwards saying that I don't care about what she has to say and I'm a horrible person. I still told her that she's not coming to see the appartment and I left for my room.

And so here we are. I genuinely love my mom, but given the circumstances and history of her actions, I took a cold decision of leaving her out of my apartment visit so I could make the decision on my own for once in my life. Now I feel horrible about how I treated today because I knew her intentions were pure but her character is just not. So tell me, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

invisiblebyday wrote:

Info: Is your dad putting money into the apartment?

I ask bc of the statement, "...she would discourage me and my dad from buying..."

OP responded:

Not a single dime. In fact it was my mother who offered HER money to cover 1/5th of the costs so that I could take smaller mortgage but I refused. I intend on buying the apartment with my money only + the mortgage.

Notgreygoddess wrote:

INFO. Buried in your original post you state “…she would discourage me and my Dad from buying the apartment." Who, exactly is paying for the apartment? I ask, because if your father is on the title/mortgage it has financial implications for your mother also. This includes co-signing. As such, she does, in fact, have a legitimate right to an opinion.

OP responded:

I am the only person who will be paying for the apartment. Most of the money will come from my own pocket, around 30% of the cost will be covered by the mortgage. I don't want neither my dad or mom to pay for anything in regards to that purchase.

No-Release-9024 wrote:

I think you need to go look at the apartment on your own. I think you are ready yourself for the fact that your mom is going to throw fit and do what you need to do for yourself. Part of the manipulation that she pulls on you is to make you feel guilty if you actually tell her how you feel or stand up for yourself.

God bless your father. Get your apartment, start your life, move forward. Let your mom know you love her, you just don't like her behavior but do not take her to the apartment. She doesn't need to know where you live.

stephapeaz wrote:

NTA.

Maybe I spend too much time on Reddit but something tells me you should tell your realtor if anyone calls pretending to be you and tries to cancel the sale, don’t listen to it.

opinionatedasheck wrote:

NAH - I have one of those moms. Something to consider: you're purchasing a house. So long as you your house, what she says doesn't matter about how you adore your new home. Her perfectionism can be useful, though. Limit her to comments about the house only. Redirect her.

And then take those comments to your real estate agent and see what can be used for bargaining! My mom saved me about $30 thousand in things I missed. ;) If the stress is too much, then you go and get your own home your own way - congratulations! Good luck!