'AITA for telling my mom I don’t want her at my wedding or in my life?'

"AITA for telling my mom I don’t want her at my wedding or in my life?"

I (f34) am getting married to my fiancé Jayden (m36). We have been spending a lot of time planning the wedding, and recently the problem of our guess list came up .

A little back ground, my mom was a neglectful parent. Constantly leaving me by myself for days to spend her time with men, leaving a CHILD to take care of herself! Around the age of 15 my mom dropped me off at my grandparents house and told me she “wants nothing to do with me."

I later found out she got married and had 2 other kid and she only stayed in contact with a select few of family members. Now our current situation my mom reached out to me a couple weeks ago wanting to meet up for lunch (she got my number from my cousin).

I was hesitant but eventually agreed with encouragement from my fiancé just to see why see was reaching out after so long. I went to lunch with her this passed Saturday .

At lunch she express that she wanted to an invite to my wedding which she had heard about from my cousin. I then told her that she would not be receiving an invite as this event was only for family. She then goes to say she is my family and deserves an invite and she will help pay for the wedding.

I again politely declined and restated this event is only for family and that her money would not be needed because my husband’s family was covering the whole

She then demands that I give her an invite because as my mother she deserves to be there and I would be insensitive and an ahole for not having the woman that raised me at my wedding.

I then told her that the woman that raised me would in fact be at my wedding and it was not her, it was my grandmother who had been there for me anytime I needed her while growing up, while the woman that birthed me went and played house with another man.

I grabbed my stuff paid my half of the bill and left as my mom screamed across the restaurant demanding a wedding invitation. Upon returning home I told my husband about the whole conversation and he completely agreed with me.

A day later I got a call from my mom demanding I give her money for my half sister’s wedding and she knew I had the money because she knew how well off my husband was and her asking for a wedding invitation was her being nice before asking for money.

I responded by telling her I don’t give a damn how well off my husband was I not giving a single dime to the woman who abandoned me as a child for a new family, then acting like I didn’t exist until she wanted money.

I continued by saying that not only was she not invited to the wedding but I no longer wanted her to contact me. Before she could respond I hung up, blocking her number. That was 3 days ago, since then I have had family members saying they understand why I was upset but I was a bit harsh.

I even had family members decide they no longer wanted to go to the wedding altogether. My fiancé and grandparents think I am hundred percent in the right. I can’t help to think I might have been a little harsh. Am I the ahole?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

do2g said:

Wow, your biological mom is just as selfish now as she was then. She wants you to pay for her daughters wedding? I don't think you could have been harsh enough - abandoning a child is unfathomable.

At the moment she walked away, she told you exactly where you fit into her life. Now it's her turn to realize that she no longer has a place in yours. NTA.

lovescarats said:

NTA, you were not harsh enough. Go back at the cousins with all the facts and then go nc. Do it in a big group chat, and be scathing. Then totally cut them off.

MaryAnne0601 said:

NTA. Anyone that could think that witch (the incubator) was in any way right doesn’t belong at your wedding. The trash took itself out. Please think about hiring security for the wedding. She’s the kind that will show up trying to intimidate you at your wedding. Have a wonderful wedding day and many years of happiness.

Flowyflowerflow said:

NTA, I think your mom is a jerk and she’s probably engaging in a defamation campaign against you. Just stand your ground. She needs to deal with the consequences of her reckless behavior.

I’m not here to judge her as something might have been going on with her mental health but from what you’re saying I 100% agree with you that you should just block her for your own sanity.

kmflushing said:

NTA. Not too harsh. Anyone who would chooses her side doesn't deserve to come to your wedding. Frees up seats for better people. Respond accordingly. Write them a note or text to acknowledge their decline, and you go ahead and invite someone else or save money.