'AITA for telling my mom she isn't invited to my brother's wedding?' 'She was extremely rude to his fiancée?'

"AITA for telling my mom she isn't invited to my brother's wedding because she was extremely rude to his fiancée?"

I'll get right to it. My (24F) brother, Connor (27M) and his fiancee Christine (27F) are getting married in early 2025. They got engaged a few months ago and have recently sent out wedding invitations. My mom is upset because she wasn't invited.

Background info, we met Christine after she and Connor had been dating for around 8 months. That was a few years ago. Basically, my mom just didn't like her. After we met her, she'd constantly complain and criticize Christine, this would range from her looks, to her job (Christine is a waitress) and "she isn't good enough for my son."

I honestly don't get any of it. Christine and I became friends, and she's such a sweet person who wouldn't hurt a fly. Whenever Christine and Connor came over for dinner or an event, she wouldn't say anything to Christine, but she'd try to get Connor to always spend time with her instead of Christine.

She always tried to one-up Christine as well. If she called Connor and he mentioned that Christine made dinner, her dinner was always better. If Christine had a gift for Connor, my mother always tried to say how her gift was better.

Thankfully, my brother is not stupid and has realized this. To avoid starting family drama, he didn't condemn her loudly in front of everyone, but would always defend Christine if he heard her talking sh*t. He made it clear that if she kept badly about Christine all the time, he would go extremely low contact.

That made her stop for a while, but since they announced their engagement, she's back to it again. Maybe she forgot, idk. I do think it's because Connor is her son and I know some mothers can be very clingy with their sons. I have a boyfriend, and I've never heard her say a bad word about him, so I do really think it's because Connor is her son and I am her daughter.

I was at my mom's house yesterday, and my mom complained that she wasn't invited. She said Christine was "stealing" Connor from her. I told her Connor getting married didn't necessarily mean Christine was "stealing" him.

Then I asked her what exactly she didn't like about Christine. It all really led back to the same thing, "She's stealing my son." I told her that while she can't control how she feels, she can control her actions and that talking about Christine like that was the reason she wasn't invited.

I tried to say it gently, but she did not take it well. She tried to make excuses and say that it was fine and that it's just her venting to her family and friends, and that I was being inconsiderate of her feelings.

I know how she feels about it, but I think those feelings aren't really an excuse for talking sh^t behind someone's back like that, and going out of your way to make it clear you dislike them. I know damn well I'm not the only person in the family who would agree with me.

I told Connor about it, and he said I was right and that she needed a reality check. But it's been weighing on my mind. I can't stop thinking about it. What do you guys think?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Vuirneen said:

NTA. Your brother never belonged to your mother - she raised him for 18 years, but he always belonged to himself. No one else can *steal *him - she's far too invested in her identity as his mother. Was their relationship ever healthy?

corgihuntress said:

I think you need to be less gentle. Tell your mother she's driving her son away by complaining about the woman he loves for no better reason than she's jealous. She's going to lose her son and any potential grandchildren and it's her fault.

She should evaluate her behavior and ask how she'd feel if any mother of her children's partners treated one of you that way? Or her? Or a friend? She mean, she's petty, and she's rude and she's going to have earned every penny of what's coming to her, starting with missing the wedding.

Feel free to read this to her. Tell her to get over herself if she want to keep her family, and that she'd better get her mind right. NTA.

WhatTheActualFck1 said:

You’re 100% right. Sounds like she’s one of those creepy moms that think they should be the only girl ever for their son (there’s literally groups about this).

Her sh$t talk doesn’t excuse anything. She’s making excuses because she refuses to take accountability. And I would add in to her that the way she’s going at this, the son will likely also go no contact if she continues her bullsh$t. And if they plan to have any kids, she’ll never get to see them. You’re NTA.

Janetaz18 said:

NTA. What I think is that your mother is in serious need of therapy. Good on your brother for not tolerating her behavior.

Aylauria said:

Your mother needs a therapist. Her attachment to her son is not in any way normal. Not even a little bit. She's jealous of his gf and keeps saying she's stealing him - like your mom is dating him.

She's the one who's destroyed any chance of having a relationship with her son. He has probably been learning how unnatural her enmeshment with his dating life is. NTA.

SilentHillDude said:

NTA. Your mother is very toxic and you did the right thing.