'AITA for telling my mom's family I don't owe her because she had gender disappointment?'
"AITA for telling my mom's family I don't owe her because she had gender disappointment?"
My mom never wanted a boy. She wanted girls. Apparently her dream was 4 daughters. But she had me (16m) first. I have seen photos and videos of the day I was born. She cried hysterically when they told her I was a boy.
Then she refused to hold me. After we were cleaned up she cried about not using the name she had chosen and said she didn't know how to move on from it. All this was caught on camera. Eventually my paternal grandma took me and she was the person to hold me in photos and videos taken during the rest of our hospital stay.
My paternal grandma was my sole parent figure for the first 8 years of my life. She took care of me and I spent so much time at her house. Sometimes I was there for weeks. Then she had a brain bleed and died. So I was left with a mom who wanted girls and not a boy and a dad who wanted to be a provider and nothing more.
My mom had my sister "Lily" two years after me. So mom got her girl and Lily got all her attention. While I got grandma until I was 8 and then nobody. My mom and Lily are super close and mom adores Lily. Lily got the bigger bedroom, she gets the gifts, she gets all her favorite snacks, she gets to do all the extra curricular activities she could ever want and her birthdays are huge parties with huge gifts.
Christmas she gets at minimum? 25 gifts from mom alone. Mom typically gets me one... never anything I'd like or want but you know, thought that counts (which is zero).
My mom's family don't act too interested in making up for my lack of parental love. And in the last couple of years mom and I have argued more and I give her a hard time.
Dad's never around to give him one. But mom? If she wants to ignore me than she can hear how bad it is and if she wants to treat my sister like a perfect angel then she can hear about it. Mom has mentioned how I ruined her dream of four daughters.
We were at mom's parents house Friday and mom gushed about Lily doing good on a project and the scooter she got Lily to help her get around easier. She got Lily a custom helmet and a personalized lock for her scooter.
She couldn't stop talking about it and I told her she really does love to shower her favorite in gifts and praise. My mom's family told me I should take it easier on her and said I should understand we had "some little troubles" because of mom's gender disappointment.
I told them I don't owe her anything because she had gender disappointment and that I didn't ask to be born to a mom who only wanted daughters. They told me I lacked adult understanding and compassion. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Front_Scholar9757 said:
NTA. Your mum is toxic and extremely shallow. So many out there are desperate for a healthy baby...regardless of gender. She's blessed with just that & rejects it. I'm so sorry your mum is like that and for the loss of your grandmother.
The good news is, you're almost an adult. My advice is to focus on yourself and work hard so you can get out of there. Then you can choose when you see her & in what capacity.
Side note: I really hate the concept of gender disappointment & feel it's becoming more obvious with these huge trendy gender reveals. Nobody needs to see their parents bratting because they're not what they expected. People need to grow tf up & realize what's important in life.
UrxSweetPrincess said:
NTA. You didn’t choose to be born or control your gender, and it’s unfair that your mom has treated you differently because of her "gender disappointment." Her actions and the family’s dismissal of your feelings aren’t okay.
You're allowed to be hurt, and their expectation that you should just accept this treatment is unreasonable. It's not your responsibility to cater to her disappointment or lack of care, especially when it’s clearly affected your relationship and your emotional well-being.
JimmyAintSure4646 said:
NTA, but your mom really is. If I was in your shoes, I would cut mother & anyone who supports her out of my life completely. And when you have kids. guess who doesn't get to meet her beloved granddaughter? Your mom.
AgnarCrackenhammer said:
NTA. Anyone who claims to have "gender disappointment" about their child is a pathetic failure of a parent.
Sad-Mall-6704 said:
NTA adults who neglect their children, especially for something as silly as the child's gender, don't deserve compassion - certainly not from the child they are neglecting anyway. Your mother sounds like a horrid and selfish excuse of a person.
TieNervous9815 said:
NTA make a plan for your future and gtfo!