"AITA for telling my neighbor I dated her husband?"
I (33F) became friendly with my neighbor (37F) let’s call her Emily, after I helped her move a few boxes into our building while her husband (35M) was in the hospital. I didn’t meet Emily’s husband until a few weeks later when she invited me over to dinner as thanks.
When I arrived first, Emily’s husband had run out to pickup some wine but when he came back I was shocked to see “Matt”- a guy I had gone on 3 dates with a year ago before he suddenly ghosted me. He had a terrible poker face and tried to pretend like he didn’t recognize me. I don’t play those games.
I asked how long they had been married and Emily said “3 years!” She recognized there was tension and asked if we knew each other. He said no. I said yes and told Emily that I had gone on dates with him a year ago. She became very upset and asked me to leave, which I did.
The next day, Emily reached out and said that she didn’t appreciate that I lied about when I dated her husband. He told her we had dated 4 years ago, before they were married. I didn’t even live in this city 4 years ago! And even if we had dated 4 years ago, they had been engaged at that point. Either way, he would’ve been cheating.
I sent her screenshots of our texts from the year before and from Bumble of his profile (which was still active!!) She never responded but when I saw her in the lobby yesterday, she wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I don’t know if they’re still together and Emily hasn’t responded to my texts. So AITA for telling her the truth?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Diligent-Money2907 said:
You told her the info she did need to hear, now just let the pieces fall where they will. Do not engage further. NTA. You were being honest. But it's best to leave her alone now.
NormalWeirdDude said:
NTA. You were answering her questions honestly.
darkangelsqueen said:
No, you just wanted to tell the woman that it her husband's cheating. Her problem, if she doesn't believe you.
Srvntgrrl_789 said:
NTA. She needed to know her hubby is a cheating AH. She’s shooting the messenger by being rude/avoiding you. That’s on her, not you. Maybe she’ll finally grow up one day and thank you for your honesty.
She recently shared this update:
Update, Emily just stopped by! We had a quick chat but she let me know that she’s kicked Matt out and she thanked me for telling the truth. She also found out that I was not the only person he dated while they were married. Giving her space now but wanted to share an update since it happened so quickly after posting.
Then she came back with this "final update" in the comments:
A happy final update- Over the last few days, I’ve been hanging out with Emily along with her sister and 2 BFFs who flew in to support her! Tuesday night she texted me “space is overrated. Wine?” And that was that.
Matt confessed to everything and more, and it was all a lot worse than anyone thought. But this isn’t about him anymore.
We’ve all had some really good, sometimes difficult conversations but it’s all been very cathartic and surprisingly positive. I’ve found myself in the company of some pretty amazing women, which is why this situation has turned out the way it has.
I moved to this city 2 years ago without knowing anyone. And it certainly wasn’t an easy thing to tell someone that I’d hoped would be a friend (tbh it kinda felt like word vomit in the moment.) And when I first posted, I admittedly wanted validation because there was a large and loudly nagging part of me that thought I’d done the wrong thing.
So I’m very grateful to have come through what began as a really awful situation with 4 awesome new friends and far more laughs than tears. Emily, her sister and I now are planning bi-weekly brunch dates and we also discovered that we have some other friends and interests in common!
This post got far more attention than I ever anticipated, so I did end up telling Emily about it. Her sister joked that we should start a podcast together and we both shouted “NO!” So this is both the end and a new beginning of this story. Thank you all for the support and kind words for both me and Emily! We’re going to be just fine. Signing off!