'AITA for telling my nightmare roommate I'm moving out when she can't afford living on her own?'
"AITA for telling my nightmare of a roommate I'm moving out when I know she cannot afford living on her own?"
So to start this long story off I moved in with my roommate/ former best friend after her mother passed away five years ago. It started off great for the most part. Me being a single mother with a dog and her losing her home due to living with her mother and not having anywhere else to go.
It took about a year for things to go south, it started with her refusing to pay more than $250 for a place that cost over $800 a month. Anytime I would attempt to talk to her I would either get a glazed over look and her zoning out or a door shut in my face regarding the manner.
The only time I managed to make a little bit of headway her only claim is cause I have my child there so she won't pay more before...again the conversation would go into either the glazed over look or a door in my face. So with that I learned to just suffer and deal.
Then I would have to start cleaning up after her first with her not taking out the trash and just leaving it by the door. Then with her never cleaning the toilet or bathtub despite my efforts to make a cleaning schedule followed by dishes being left for days at a time in the sink Or talking to her about said cleaning issues I yet again was met with the glazed over look and or door shut in face.
During this time too she also had constant issues with working regularly either calling out constantly or medical problems of various degrees. I know my guilt with this fact alone led me to for a time stop bringing up these problems as frequently. Well over 2 years ago I met and started dating my boyfriend.
Since about 6 months into the relationship I have been staying pretty much nightly at his place, visiting mine just for things I need and taking care of my dog. Otherwise I don't sleep or eat there neither does my kid.
Yet still I would come home to a nasty bathroom, a sink full of dishes and full trash bags being left in front of the door constantly and anytime I would try to bring up the issues I was met with still the same glazed over look and or the door being shut in my face.
The other thing that has been holding me back mentally from all of this is that my roommate fell for a scam, hard. She tried to get a sugar daddy online and instead ended up buying her a new phone with a credit card and gift cards to which she got her credit cards shut down entirely and now she owes over 20k in credit card debt.
So due to guilt I yet again internalized my problems with her and tried to be a mostly supportive friend.
A few months after this in May of this year she had to get spine surgery. I agreed to help as much as I could until she could get around better for the first month, but now it's over 3 months. She only just went back to work and still she won't clean up after herself. Bathtub, toilet, sink full of dirty dishes, stove covered in dirty dishes.
It's to the point I'm having my child (11 year old) help me with these things just so things get taken care of.Yesterday my boyfriend brought up to me fully moving in not only so we can save for a bigger home together but due to me essentially living with him anyway minus the bulk of my things and my dog.
I agreed instantly so this way I'm also no longer paying rent on a place I don't really stay at other than to take care of my dog daily. I broke it to my roommate and the same glazed over look came up again, but not before her stating that she guesses she'll just die now due to her not having money to pay rent on her own. So AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
SandsinMotion said:
YTA for enabling their behavior and leaving your dog alone in that mess for so long. Otherwise leave, grow a spine and tighten your wallet.
IllTemperedOldWoman said:
You've been her sugar daddy. She has no intention of getting her life together or changing. She would apparently rather die than get her life together or change. She wants someone to take care of her and do everything include clean. Forever. NTA.
Mountain-Pear-1682 said:
NTA for leaving your roommate but y t a to your dog for basically leaving it alone constantly
MaeSilver909 said:
Esh. First, you’ve had to sign a new lease at some point. All your grievances should have been worked out then or you walk away. Staying didn’t make you a hero. Secondly, you leaving your dog there alone is an AH move.
squirreltornado said:
YTA for abandoning your dog and just popping by like a pet sitter.
Move out, your roommate is not your problem.
ScarletNotThatOne said:
NTA. Just go. This person's problems are real -- but they are not your problems.
And maybe get some therapy to help yourself get over your willingness to inappropriately carry other people's burdens.
CandylandCanada said:
ESH. You teach people how to treat you. You knew who she was, and how irresponsible she is, yet you permitted her to take advantage of you. She's not a friend, never has been, yet this is what you tell yourself to justify your decisions. If you have all the facts, yet act against your own interests, then the consequences are yours to bear.
JBThunder said:
She already has a sugar daddy? And she tried to get a 2nd one? Man her ass is greedy. BTW you're the sugar daddy, and you can't afford her. Both financially and emotionally. NTA, but you will be one to yourself if this continues.