'AITA for telling my older sister she can't be in my wedding?' + FINAL UPDATE

"AITA For Telling My Older Sister She Can't Be In My Wedding In Anyway?"

I am having a severe dilemma about my wedding that will be taking place next fall. My fiance Isaiah {25M} and I{26F} have been together for 8 years. He proposed to me 2 years ago at a Rammstein Concert. We are finally able to afford our dream wedding.

The problem is my older sister Kelly {32F} who is borderline narcissistic and believes the world revolves around her. She has embarrassed me, one uped me in anyway she can find and is very disapproving of my fiance and I getting married as I will be the first out of my siblings to be wed.

Kelly has come out of the wood work and practically demanded that she be invited and become my maid of honor. I have calmly told her no as my best friend Liz {29F} is going to be my matron of honor as I was her maid of honor for her wedding. Kelly was absolutely fuming about this and demanded that Liz doesn't come.

I again told her as they have a history that it wouldn't end well. I decided with stress flooding my mind to tell her that she isn't invited to the wedding and I don't want her near it.

Kelly: " Why can't I?".

Me: " You have disregarded my feeling many times and you are disrespectful towards my fiance and I won't have that energy on one of the most important days of my life."

Kelly has been disrespectful about a condition my fiance has and thinks of it as weird. I've told her on multiple occasions to drop it and she won't listen as she says " I'm just making an observation." It makes my blood boil every time she does this.

Regardless, Kelly has gone to family in tears about not being able to attend or become my maid of honor. I'm in disbelief as Kelly has done this before when she doesn't get her way and it makes me feel like my problems don't matter in the slightest.

My family has tried to explain to her that it was my choice and to do something else on the day of my wedding to distract her. Kelly wasn't having it and posted to her Facebook about how it was unfair that she wasn't invited.

My fiance understands that shes like this and tells me to ignore it. I understand that Kelly won't change, but in the back of my mind, I feel bad and my thoughts get to me. So, with that being said AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

RoseGold-Bubbles1333 said:

NTA. Just stand firm to family that she isn’t close to you and you have picked your MOH. She sounds like she will use your day to create drama and that’s the last thing you need. Do what’s best for you and your fiancé.

content_great_gramma said:

Several points I wish to make: Add passwords to each and every vendor. From what you have said, she would most likely try to make changes that would not be pretty

Have security to prevent her entrance. Check with your local police to see if off duty officers are allowed to be security. It sounds like your family is behind you. They have seen her behavior, and, unlike other families, they back you and not her.

Reasonable_Star_959 said:

NTA. Your wedding, your choice. I am really glad your parents are backing you up.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding!!

ValkyrieKarma said:

NTA. Based on the information you have provided it sounds like the sister wants to make it about her vs. you. Might want to get security too in case she tries to show up to start 💩💩

And Dlkjm said:

NTA. Maybe time to go NC or at least LC. Hire security for your wedding. Make sure she can not access any of your wedding plans. Also ignore any flying monkeys who take her side. Good luck!

Comment from OP:

Thank you all so much for the comments and support! I will absolutely go for the security idea to keep her from coming and ruining our night. I showed my fiance the post and he is in full agreement with the comments.

He sat me down and told me that he will do everything in his power with the help of his family and friends to keep her at bay. I love him for that and how he reminds me that he will always be there by my side.

OP then shared this first update:

Thank you for all the love! but I do have an update. Recently I have been feeling off and found out I'm five weeks pregnant, my fiance is supportive and so is my future father in law. The only two worries at the moment is having to let everyone know that we are going to move the wedding and my older sister finding out.

A bit of backstop, my sister and I never got along growing up and she stole most of my things just to make me cry​. She feels that she deserves to have everything big happen before me.

Any accomplishments that I would procure would have her throw the biggest hissyfit and my family would force me to play along and let her have most of the spotlight. The moment I turned 18, I put my foot down and told her to grow up, that I was my own person and I wouldn't put up with it anymore.

The fact to I'm getting married before her is already causing her to go stir crazy, I'm honestly afraid of what she is going to try when I tell my family at Christmas that I'm pregnant. I don't want her in my life and I don't want her around my little Junebug, the nickname my fiance and I call our baby, what am I going to so. I'll probably update around Christmas to let all of you know. much love

Five months later, she shared this second update:

Hello! I have an update for you all about my crazy older sister Kelly. The tea is hot and I have plenty to pour so strap on in. A few weeks before Christmas I sadly miscarried my baby, Isaiah was supportive and by the side the entire time giving me all the love I needed. We got through it and decided to try again in the future. I made a post on my personal Facebook and told everyone. {Remember this}.

Fast forward to Christmas, my fiance and I attend my cousins party for the holidays. Everyone was giving us their condolences and we thanked them. My Aunt Kristy {57F} had given me a glass of red wine and we proceeded to sit down and talk about wedding plans for September as Isaiah was talking to my dad. I saw Kelly walk into the room and stared shocked at me.

Kelly: You aren't supposed to be drinking wine while pregnant! Are you out of your mind!

I bite my lip trying to hold back tears and take a breath.

Me: I know you saw the post about what happened and you don't need to make me feel worse than I already do.

Kelly: Still, you don't need to be drinking.

I just rolled my eyes and continued to talk about wedding plans with Kristy. It was about a half hour late when I overheard Kelly talking to my pregnant cousin Lena {32F} about how her dog wasn't allowed into a building. She has claimed over the years that it's a service dog, but it isn't properly trained, it's more of her emotional support animal, which I don't mind. But what caught my ears made my mind explode.

Kelly: That fat b-word would let me bring in my dog so I peed in front of the building in a bush.

I looked at her wide eyed and my sarcasm popped off too fast for me to catch.

Me: That's exactly what smart people do Kelly.

My other cousin Mina {23F} looked at me pleading and sang out: Please don't fight.

Me: She could have been arrested for indecent exposure in public.

Kelly: They could try.

I just got up and went outside to cool my nerves. Isaiah came out and calmed me down. I asked if after presents if we could go back and watch A nightmare before Christmas {Our favorite Halloween/Christmas movie}. He said yes and I smiled. He gave me a small kiss on my nose as reassurance and we went back inside. Kristy called me over and we continued to talk wedding plans.

Kristy: So what are you guys doing for the ceremony? Just the regular rings and vows?

I smiled and shook my head. She knows that I'm pagan and so is my fiance.

Me: We will do our rings/vows with a hand fasting.

I heard Kelly audibly gasp.

Kelly: What is that?

I explained it to her and she gave an almost disgusted look.

Kelly: That doesn't sound very Christian like. They sound stupid and ritualistic. It doesn't sound like God is going to be involved in this marriage.

I stared hard at her.

Me: I haven't been Christian in a while. You know my reasons of why. It doesn't have to involve God. As long as my hand is in the knot with the love of my life's hand, than that's all that matters.

Kelly glared at me and stormed off outside. I turned to Kristy and she shrugged. We got our present passed out and Isaiah and I excused ourselves for the rest of the evening and headed to the car. I heard footsteps behind me and saw Kelly with anger burning in her eyes.

Kelly: You still won't let me come to your wedding will you!

I stood firm and told her no.

Kelly: What reason!

I gather my thoughts and let her have it, all the feelings I've held back.

Me: I've told you why! You don't respect me, my dream, my fiance! When my bio dad died, you never came to my side to support me! When I was in that car accident that broke my leg and messed up my back, you never asked about me or visited. During my recovery for two heart surgeries you never called or came to me.

You insulted my father in law that you would punch him in the throat. His family doesn't like you because of what you said. My friends don't like you because of your bizzare behavior never cared about me, you always try to one up me on everything. I tolerate you because you are my sister. But, I can't see you the same anymore. You never loved or cared about me.

I was in tears and fell to my knees. Isaiah held me and told my sister to just leave me alone. I watched as she went back inside. That angered look on her face burned into my mind. Isaiah took me home and comforted me. We watched our movie and I proceeded to sleep. To all of you who have kept with this saga. Thank you. I love all of you and hope to update, just not too soon.

Seven months later, after the wedding, she shared this final update:

Hello! It's been a while since I've updated. Currently back home with my now husband from our honeymoon. But, I do have a hopefully final update.

A week before my wedding, my stepdad Johnny told me that Kelly(Older sister) accidentally overheard my brother Lee talking about needing to get a suit for an event. Kelly somehow figured it out that it was to do with my wedding as my other older brother Michael was coming into town from near across the country.

She almost pleaded with my stepdad to see if she could stand outside of the event hall. Johnny told her he wasn't going to get into the middle of this as the whole thing was between me and her.

Onto the wedding itself, me, my bridesmaids, and my Matron of Honor Liz got to the hall to set up. Afterwards, we all got ready and took plenty of pictures. The event was two towns away and from what some of my family said Kelly was looking for a ride there.

I shrugged it off and proceeded to my wedding. Isaiah and I said our vows and the celebration commenced. After the first dance, I noticed Johnny kept ending calls, but I didn't think of anything.

The first dance with my dad went splendidly and the rest of the celebration went on. As I was sitting down from dancing, Johnny came over to me with his phone ringing.

Johnny: It's Kelly. She said she wants to talk to you.

I could see the annoyance on his face.

Me: I'll answer it, but after that I'm going to ignore her because I'm not going to let her ruin my day or my life anymore, if I don't, she's just going to make it about her and how she wasn't here.

I took the phone and walked outside. I knew it would be a bad idea to break no contact, but Johnny had looked fed up and I would handle it.

Me: Kelly, what do you want? You know how I feel and yet you keep blowing up Johnny's phone.

Kelly: I still can't believe you didn't invite me! What could I have done to make this happen?

ME: You insulted me, my husband and my father in law. I wasn't going to let you come to the wedding in any sense to justify your behavior, are you done?

Kelly: No, I saw your pictures and it looks like a horror movie! Why is your maid of honor in a black dress!?!? Why are your bride's maids in red! Everyone is supposed to match the bride! It's not a funeral.

ME: Kay, it's the furthest thing from a church wedding. I gave them that approval because our wedding theme was Halloween.

Kelly: It's pathetic from what I see. Liz must have married one of the bridesmaids for her to wear such a color.

ME: And from what I can tell, you can't and won't let this go. Liz's husband was a groomsmen. You have the mindset of someone holier than thought that you can't respect my wishes.

Kelly: I should have been there.

ME: Absolutely not. What you have said on this call speaks volumes. You have been nothing but disrespectful, horrific from your comments, judging my wedding and my wedding party. You need for once in your life to stop and think about what you say or do around people. It's going to bite you in the butt one day and today is that day. I'm going full no contact with you from here on out.

You are so delusional that you believe you have the right to judge me and what I do when I have done nothing to provoke you. You are nothing but someone who is upset about something you don't have any involvement with. I'm sorry that you feel this way, but I'm not tolerating it. Goodbye.

I hung up the phone and went inside with a smile on my face. I spoke my peace and felt lighter than air. I danced away with my husband and went on my honeymoon. No social media and no contact. I felt the greatest that I could have felt in a long time. Thank you everyone for reading and all of the support. Hopefully this is the final update.