'AITA for telling my parents that I will not parent my younger adult sister?'

"AITA for telling my parents that I will not parent my younger adult sister?"

I (M24) work at a university as IT support. I have a younger sister "Cleo" (F20) who started studying at this university in the Autumn of last year. She's moved out of the family home and into a houseshare with two friends (our parents live three hours away from the school). I love my sister but for some background she can be quite immature for her age. I think my parents have babied her a lot.

When Cleo got accepted into the university and decided that's where she's going, my parents made it clear they want me to keep tabs on her. They were worried she's going to get a sketchy boyfriend, start drinking or just generally be reckless. I told my parents I'd check in with her to make sure she's ok but I'm not interested in spying on her every move.

They'd frequently call me to ask what Cleo is up to. Every time I'd say she seems fine but you should ask her yourselves. It's been pretty uneventful. Cleo seemed like her normal perky self and always told me she was fine when I asked aside from a few small arguments with her housemates.

In the new year Cleo tried to start up a Tiktok-based cookie business. Last week, she called me because she had accidentally caused a kitchen fire. She fell asleep while cookies were in the oven (she said her phone's alarm didn't go off) and when she took them out they were in flames and she dropped them on the floor, and firefighters had been called.

No one was hurt and other than the kitchen flooring and a bit of the walls there's no major damage to the house and it's being covered by insurance and her deposit. I comforted Cleo (who was understandably upset) and helped her talk to her landlord.

When my parents found about this they were absolutely distraught. They said they don't think Cleo can be trusted to be independent and demanded that I invite her to live with me so that I can keep an eye on her. I live with my fiancée and while we do have a spare bedroom, my fiancée is 4 months pregnant with our first ever child, so we already have a lot going on.

Plus, I don't think this would help Cleo be a responsible adult. My parents don't seem to understand my perspective and said it's my duty as Cleo's big brother to take care of her, and they don't feel comfortable having Cleo live away from home unless she's with me.

They seem convinced that she will do this again and genuinely worried but I don't think she would after that scare, and everyone makes mistakes. We ended up arguing over this and I said I'm not going to parent my adult sister. AITA for not doing more for her like my parents want?​​​​​​

Here's what people had to say to OP:

SlackerEmeritus wrote:

NTA, even remotely. Sis can't grow into an adult if she's forever treated like an incapable child, your parents are helicoptering, and you have a fiancée and child on the way to mind. I think you're handling being a responsible older sibling as best you can while trying to respect boundaries and let Cleo come into her own.

Miggzyy wrote:

NTA at all. Firstly, she made a mistake. She wasn't even doing normal uni things like partying and skipping lectures. She was baking some damn cookies. Your parents are 100% babying her and she is never going to learn how to cope with the world living in a gilded cage.

Secondly, as a former child of parentification myself I know its hard, but you did nothing wrong. You're her brother, not her parent. You were exactly what she needed you to be in this situation. A calm, helpful presence she could turn to when things got out of hand, and you helped her fix the problem

Dazzling_Outcome_46 wrote:

NTA, I'm a parent of 4 grown kids and I teach high school and college. Trust me when I say that Cleo needs to make mistakes now while she still has a safety net.

Everyone will make mistakes growing up, but putting off the transition into being allowed to make mistakes on her own will only result in her making her first, most dumbass mistakes at a time when they can profoundly affect her future, instead of just being a learning experience.

thriftstorefemme wrote:

NTA...they are overreacting. She's fully an adult. I'm sure all adults have at some point burnt something in the oven before and I'd bet this incident will scare her straight enough that she won't let it happen again.

She doesn't suddenly need adult supervision. Maybe you can help out by buying your parents a gift certificate for some pottery classes or something else to keep them more occupied and out their grown kids business lol

TizMahBiz wrote:

NTA but you are a great brother for all you’ve already done to help her. Your parents seem to be helicopter parents and might be part of the reason she’s as irresponsible as she is. Adding another grown adult to a house expecting a child is not the answer. Allowing her to either flourish or flounder is the only way your sister will truly grow.

Thriillsy wrote:

NTA. Them failing to raise her does not obligate you to do so. So I posted this in a rush and to clarify, I am not saying this as a slight against OPs sister. She does not sound that bad to me. This blanket statement for anytime that a parent claims it is the duty of one child to care for or assist their other child(ren) regardless of whether that care an assistance is minor or major.

Would it be nice if they could help their sister? yes of course, but they are not an asshole for saying no, regardless of their reason for saying no, and their parents are wrong for trying to claim it is their responsibility as the older sibling.