"AITA for telling my pregnant sister to bug off?"
Hey yall. So I'm going through a situation right now with my sister. I'll keep it brief without trying to give out too much details. I apologize in advance for poor grammar. For context I'm in my 20s and she is 18. We live with our grandparents with our other siblings here (minors).
Originally it was just supposed to be me living with them so I have my own room in this house while they share. I am in college and working part time while also being chronically ill. My sister is difficult to be around majority of the time as she has a victim mindset and thinks she can do whatever she wants (such as stealing money from me and my grandparents and much worse).
She has a very on and off again toxic relationship and refuses to take accountability for it. She recently got pregnant by him. It has been so bad that my grandparents threatened to kick her out because she is disrespectful to everyone in the house and my grandparents said they do not want him in the house at all (before she got pregnant) and she continually snuck in him when everyone was sleeping.
Now that she is pregnant she is even more miserable to be around saying it's hormones. She got into an argument again with my grandparents recently and they threatened to kick her out if she continues being disrespectful to everyone.
She brought up the fact that I'm in my 20s still living here when I should be the one kicked out since I'm older. I'm usually at school, work or at doctors office and all of that takes up my whole day which she knows since I've explained multiple times to her. Then proceeded to say she should have my room since she will need more space now that she has a baby on the way and that I am never home anyway.
It was my final straw and I literally said some hurtful things to her because of the constant disrespect over the years. I basically said she can't even finish high school (she unenrolled because she didn't want to go) let alone keep a job because she always calls out and gets fired for poor attendance.
Apparently., hanging out with friends and partying is more important. She needs to reevaluate herself before even criticizing my life and telling my grandparents what they should do when she isn't even supposed to be in the house to begin with. She's only here because she kept messing up her own life.
She then started cussing me out saying that I don't care about her or the baby and at that point I said she's right and she can f*** off and leave me out of anything related to her or the baby. I then went to my room and slammed the door. She proceeded to cry and call her friends and talk about how bad of a person I am.
My younger sister said some stuff I said was harsh but I disagree. She needed a reality check of the situation.
AITA for stooping low and calling out my sisters mistakes and making her upset over it and telling her to f*** off?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Odd_Tea4945 wrote:
NTA. Pregnant or not, your sister doesn't have a single right to dictate who lives at your grandparent's, neither the accommodations. You're very right, she needed a reality check: she's in deeeeeep trouble and I believe she has this fantasy about having a baby that fixes her life.
OP responded:
Honestly I think you're right. I think she also thinks it will bring the baby daddy back. I am trying to figure out a way with my mom to somehow get at least guardianship over baby.
sav_the_bi_queen23 wrote:
Girl this is a hard NTA.
OP responded:
Thank you. I was also having doubts because of being the eldest sister. I just feel like I should have never stooped to that level.
Big_Seaworthiness948 wrote:
NTA. Also get a lock for the door to your room.
OP responded:
Yes already did 🫡
PsychologyOk8722 wrote:
She should move in with the guy who impregnated her. If they aren’t willing to live together, why are they having a child together?
OP responded:
They are both 18. He doesn't want the baby and made that very clear. His mom also doesn't want anything to do with it because she thinks she is baby trapping him.
GirlDad2023_ wrote:
Some people use any reason to play the victim card. She wants your room? She needs it for the baby. She needs money? So she steals it. Dropped out of high school, no job because she's lazy, ignores your grandparents...she is racking up a long list of huge warning flags. If she decides to keep the baby, watch closely to make sure he/she is safe, your sister sounds pretty unbearable.
OP responded:
Yes I honestly am trying to see if my mom can at least get guardianship over the baby.
Oyster5436 wrote:
NTA [Before I read this, I thought I would have a different opinion.] Importantly, if your sister is still partying while pregnant, she needs to terminate her pregnancy rather than give birth to a child affected by her use of party substances.
Her complaints that you don't care about her baby is ridiculous if she is still using booze/pills while pregnant, It is a tragedy for her unborn child that she had chosen dependency rather than self-reliance at such a young age. Question: Why are your grandparents taking care of their grandchildren rather than your parents?
OP responded:
Thanks for understanding you're the first to recognize that. I have taken her to groups for help so have my grandparents. She doesn't want the help and it's the problem. Her saying I don't care while actively getting her all the resources and taking time away from my studies and in between my personal medical appointments to help her really is what triggered me into that mood.
We have different dads. Our grandparents took me in because our mom went to jail and my dad got deported so they took care of me since I was little. My mom had my sister after she got out. She stayed with her until my mom found out she was going down the wrong path and basically told her to correct it or there will be consequences (aka curfew and calling the school to verify attendance etc).
She didn't like that because she said she can do whatever she wants and decided to do whatever and ended up getting in trouble in school and had to go to court for missing too much school. To avoid that she transferred to the school district over here and continued the same path.
For the other siblings they came here simply because it's a better school district and better programs so it was their choice. My mom sends money for my other siblings to help and with my part time I help as well.
aeduko wrote:
Why are you all living with your grandparents? Are your parents alive? What about the other grandparents?
OP responded:
Younger siblings by choice because they wanted to go to the school district here. Me because they had guardianship me. And my sister in this situation because she doesn't like the fact my mom was actually making her do what she was supposed to do (such as go to school).