'AITA for telling my pregnant wife that people might not think she’s pregnant?'
"AITA for telling my pregnant wife that people might not think she’s pregnant?"
My wife of 8 years is 4 months pregnant and we’re currently on a beautiful beach vacation. She’s always been a naturally thin woman and prior to getting pregnant, lead Pilates and yoga classes. She’s the kind of person who takes a ton of pride in their physical health.
A few days before this trip, she wanted me to go swimsuit shopping. I obliged and we went to a few different stores. Every shopping trip ended in her crying in the dressing room because she hates the way her body looks. She can’t get over the fact she has a belly now and things “don’t fit the same."
I think she looks incredible and I was extremely patient the entire swimsuit shopping fiasco. She kept body-shaming herself being pretty over dramatic about everything. Finally, she settled on something. I kept assuring her over and over that I think she looks incredible (she does).
Fast forward and this morning we decided to make a trip down to the pool. I’m getting our son ready and she comes out in her new swimsuit. I tell her she looks cute and I loved it. Couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Then I said something that had the same reaction as if I took a sh$t on a 5 star restaurant table.
I said “honestly babe, people might not even think you’re pregnant." She looked stunned and horrified. She asked “you don’t think people will know I’m pregnant? My stomach is huge." And she’s right, it’s a decent size compared to her pre-pregnancy body. But people have stomachs that are that size without being pregnant. And that’s all I was trying to say.
Immediate tears. Immediately freaking out and changed into clothes and is now refusing to come down to the pool. She said she doesn’t want people to think she has a big belly, she wants people to think she’s pregnant. I told her I can’t control what people think? And that people might not realize she’s pregnant? I started to get really pissed off because I personally have a bit of a belly and she’s making it seem like it’s so insulting to have that.
I genuinely don’t understand the big deal. I think she’s being ridiculous. SHE CARES TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK and is now ruining our trip by staying inside and not making memories with her son. Instead she’s crying in a hotel room, throwing it in my face that she paid for “everything” for this trip and I ruined it for her.
I love her more than anything and find her sexy as hell, pregnancy or not. But this is getting out of hand and I’m fed up with all this talk about her feeling insecure when she still looks perfectly fine.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Many people suggesting she has body image issues, etc. While I understand that it comes across that way from this post, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve known my wife for 15 years. She has never displayed eating issues or body image issues. She simply takes pride in being healthy and has worked hard to be fit. She get a kick out of sculpting her body and I think being pregnant makes her “lose control” of that ability.
Since finding out she’s pregnant, she’s taken a step back from working out. If she was continuing to work out more or skimping on meals, I’d be concerned. But I think she’s not used to seeing a “bigger” version of herself in the mirror and having trouble finding clothes that fit her.
Thank you everyone for the input. I apologized to her and explained where I was coming from. I was trying to downplay her belly size which was a huge mistake because honestly, she’s pretty big lol and very much knows it. Thanks again everyone. We’re off to enjoy our vacation now.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
IndieIsle said:
The time between getting pregnant and looking pregnant is absolutely mind-bending - because it’s true, people just assume you’re bloated/weirdly shaped, nothing fits well and you feel out of sorts with your body.
NAH. Just kindly and considerately explain what you really meant - that you think she looks so good that people won’t even take a second look at her stomach. You can add - of course if you looked closely you would see she’s pregnant, but from afar her stomach looks flat.
Slightlyunassuming said:
NAH - you were trying to do the right thing by complimenting her and pretending not to notice something she is insecure about, but she’s not in the wrong either as this doesn’t seem like an intentional overreaction.
Icy-Sun1216 said:
YTA - not for what you said but because you doubled down after seeing that you upset your wife. She’s pregnant and hormones are crazy. You cry over irrational things. Someone telling you how silly it is to be crying isn’t helpful. Help her feel good about herself, not the opposite.
bobbobberson3 said:
Being pregnant did a number on my body image. I didn't even get stretchmarks or get particularly big or any other completely normal change but I was just so uncomfortable in my own skin each time.
I wanted people to know I was pregnant so they wouldn't judge me the way I was judging my own body so it would've upset me to hear that from a partner even though you only meant it in a positive way.
Don't dismiss her as over-dramatic, you have no concept of what pregnancy does to your brain and body and how hard it is to navigate so what is going on in her mind cannot be judged by how you may believe you'd react in the same position.
You aren't an AH for saying it, but imo you are for being so dismissive of how down she is feeling about herself and not being able to empathize with her enough to understand why what you said may have made her feel worse. It's great how positive and loving you are towards so although I think your dismissiveness is AH-ish I'm sure you aren't one in general.
britj21 said:
She is pregnant and hormonal and obviously feeling upset about her physique right now. You should’ve told her she looked sexy, cute, whatever and left it at that. Adding in unhelpful commentary and being shocked that it didn’t land the way you thought it would is kind of insensitive.