'AITA for telling my roommate I won’t be changing my habits because of him bringing his friends over?'
"AITA for telling my roommate I won’t be changing my habits because of him bringing his friends over?"
I (23m) rent a house with four of my buddies from college. We have done this for two years. It helps that not only are we great friends, but we have a system of deciding house rules: a majority vote. Disagreements on cleaning? Majority vote. When to make quiet hours for the night on weeknights? Majority rules. It has kept everything flowing smoothly.
Anyway one of my friends moved out last month to get a place with his girlfriend. He found a friend of a friend to take over his room. The guy was nice enough but then he came to us with a “declaration.”
Apparently he was uncomfortable that we’re not always completely dressed in the house. No one is a nudist, but some of will sometimes not wear a shirt or just be in pajamas or boxers or underwear when lounging around the house.
I admittedly am one of the two of us that does it the most, as I usually just lounge around in boxers or other underwear. We all met each other through a sport so we’re comfortable seeing each other like that.
Anyway I guess the new guy was caught off guard because he asked if we could constitute a clothing on rule in the house. As usual we did a vote and the rest of us thought it was unnecessary.
So there was no rule, but I did start wearing clothes more though there were some times I didn’t bother (when I just woke up, after showering, when I was just coming out to my room for something, etc.). Just to be considerate.
Apparently not enough. I noticed that even though we always all gave notice before people coming over he stopped doing so. I found myself a few times just in my underwear when he rolls in with a crew.
Got a couple of weird looks, but I just excuse myself and get dressed. I told him once if he gave me a heads up I’d be dressed before they got there, but he just rolled his eyes. One of my other housemates has also run into this issue.
Anyway the other day he came to me and my other housemate and asked if his plan to shame us for never wearing clothes worked. We looked at him weird and he said that he was purposely trying to embarrass us by having people see us.
We said we’re not embarrassed (we work out for a reason) and weren’t going to change his habit. He stormed off and started smack talking us to the other roommates. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You voted. He decided to try and change it by exposing you to random people. Sounds like he needs a "this isn't working out, were looking for a new roommate. Feel free to start packing now" talk.
It's not even about the clothes, but the new guy admitted he brought people in unannounced to shame you guys into wearing clothes? He's TA, he's gotta go.
Yep. I get not liking that rule and asking for a vote. But part of voting is living with the result. So trying to change the result of the vote by bringing in randos on purpose to see them half naked is disconcerting. Clearly this guy does not respect any of you or the rules of the house. Find someone else.
His behaviour was also disrespectful to his friends. If he didn't warn the "shame crews" he was taking away their choice to see people in underwear as well as taking away his roommates choices on who sees them that way.
I personally wouldn't care about seeing a shirtless guy in his house, but depending on religious beliefs and backgrounds of the friends of bad roommate they could be really unhappy with being set up this way.
NTA You all voted, majority said no clothing rule, and you still tried to be considerate. He responded by ambushing you with guests to shame you and then bragging about it. That’s petty and childish. He doesn’t get to join an established house and bully everyone into his preferences. You didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA. But, for information purposes only, if someone were to put it to a vote that the new roomie should be kicked out of the house, do you think the results would be 4-1 against letting him stay?
UsefulEmotion5257 (OP)
Haha I don’t think anyone feels the need to kick him out. Again it’s not bothering me that much I just don’t know if I’m being an AH.
ESH. Very few people want their roommates to walk around in their panties. Just like very few people want their roommates to bring over unannounced guests. Both requests are reasonable.
Y'all have to cohabitate. That means compromising is necessary. If walking around in your whitey tighties is a dealbreaker for you in a roommate situation, please bring that up before the new guy signs the lease.
I’m with you. There are very few comments in here that are not NTA, but I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your roommates to be clothed in common areas.
Even if he doesn’t personally care if y’all are in your underwear, he might have guests that are uncomfortable with it (girls or older people like his parents). No one wants to tell their mom to wait outside while they go check if their roommates have pants on.
Just throw on some ratty sweats and a t-shirt. It doesn’t matter what you wear, but “have clothing on” is not an unreasonable expectation. It is actually awkward when you go into someone’s apartment as a guest and it’s filled with a bunch of scantily clad people of the opposite gender.