'AITA for telling my SIL I'm no longer helping them with their kids? They're pregnant again.'

"AITA for telling my SIL I'm no longer helping them with their kids?"

I (24F) have an older brother (33M) and his wife (32F) who I'll call John and Jill. Jill has an 8y/o from a one-night stand, and 2 kids with my brother, L(3M) and B(7monthF). So, John decided to start his own business after working as a mechanic for years, and most of the time quitting before having another job lined up, and Jill is now a SAHM with a part time 2 day/week at a bar.

Before their one year together, Jill told me that she stopped taking birth control without telling my brother because she was ready for his kids and ended up pregnant with L.

They lived in a tiny studio type house with two bedrooms and ended up moving into our other brother's house to get more room. To give some background, John has not kept a job longer than a year because of "b#$lying" and Jill just seems to think she is the best out there but was constantly on her phone and just drama.

They are renting from our brother Bill (34M), and are at least 3 months behind on rent, has been using Bill's truck and not paying either the monthly or the insurance on it, and just expecting everyone to help them. They even started talking about moving out of state even though they need a whole team of family to make it work.

John is also the type of dad that will leave the kids with other people to do his own thing, and acts like he is being bullied for asking him to actually watch his own kids. They now have B and decided to surprise everyone that they are PREGNANT. I'll be honest, when she told me, I looked her and John in the eye and said "Are you serious? Is this a joke"

They both said no that they were pregnant again. I immediately got irritated and told them that I wasn't going to have this conversation with them, and Jill ended up getting upset and going to cry in their car. John refuses to get a vasectomy, Jill doesn't want to get her tubes tied, and they don't like the "feel" of condoms, so they literally just make a wish that they don't end up with a kid.

When B was born, they asked me to help out of everyone because, and in John's own words. "You are the only one who doesn't have any responsibilities and can drop everything to help when we need it."

Just because I'm single and living at home with my parents doesn't mean I have to help. I pay rent, I have a full-time job, and I have bills just like everyone else this day and age. To be honest, I don't really like kids and pretty sure that I won't have any of my own. If I wanted to take care of kids at all times for free, I would just find me a dude and have my own.

I ended telling them that I can't help anymore. I have bills of my own, and not to text or call me to ask if I can call off work to watch their kids, or give them money, or buy diapers because they can't afford any until that Friday. I never see my money back, and I get stressed out when I get left at their house with the 3 kids until almost 8pm without payment.

The internet had plenty to say in response.

Super_Reading2048 wrote:

NTA instead of giving them money (or your time) save up to move out or start the process of getting a new higher paying career. Focus on yourself and your own work/life balance. You probably want to move out soon. I hope I’m wrong but I’m betting soon they will need to move in with your parents just “for a couple of weeks.”

OP responded:

We are renovating our house and I’m taking the attic. I’m paying for my area, and monthly rent. I told my mom that if she lets them in, then I’m moving out and not coming back. They will never leave.

MuleWrangler wrote:

NTA. Sit down with them and state clearly not to ask you for anything. You will not babysit and you will not give them money or buy anything

"You need to live with the consequences of your (non) actions. Stop asking for anything, I'm done." YTA be if you do one more thing for them.

Special_Lychee_6847 wrote:

NTA In a way, they are the reason you've decided not to have kids. I'd 'use that', and spin it as you not having the chance to take on your own responsibilities, because you keep being roped into theirs.

But you're building your own life now. Normal ppl first save up and get their lives in order, BEFORE bringing more kids into the world.Their lack of planning does not mean you have to throw your life upside down...again.

YellowSC wrote:

NTA. It’s so funny how they always talk about leaving and living some grandeur life but keep doing the dumbest things ever and just keep repeating the cycle. Knew a family like this and it never changes. Just chop the cord now. They bring nothing to your life but stress and grief so why bother.

ConvivialKat wrote:

NTA.

They've chosen this irresponsible life.

It's theirs to live it, not yours.

I'm shocked everyone else in your family hasn't told them to eff off, as well.

ETA - I sure hope you don't live in the US or they are going to be massively f#%ked when they lose their Medicaid and SNAP.

pixie-ann wrote:

NTA just because your brother and SIL are absolute fools making consistently terrible decisions does not mean you need to be sucked into their vortex of stupidity.

Look after yourself. Save your money. Use birth control. Spend your money and your time as YOU choose.

cthulularue wrote:

NTA, I'm not calling off out of work to cover for my unemployed family. That's stupid.