'AITA for telling my SIL off in front of her mother in the hospital?'
"AITA for telling my SIL off in front of her mother in the hospital?"
So my wife is currently 39 weeks pregnant and her mother flew in to be a part of the birth and help with the baby for a month. After two days of arriving she suffered a pretty major stroke. Luckily I caught the stroke early (she thought she may have food poisoning) and rushed her to the hospital.
She received care within 2 minutes, I told the ER staff she was having a stroke. She is now in the Neuro Trauma ICU and is slowly recovering. I have driven with my wife each day to be by her side. She receives physical and speech therapy every morning and that is usually when the doctors make their rounds and give crucial information and my wife wants to be there for it.
The issue is that so does her sister in law, well sister in law has 2 children and a husband that works. I guess her husband doesn't want to/can't take off so she has been hounding my wife to babysit her children. My wife and I have both expressed several times that we can't watch the kids because she also wants to be there in the morning. I would normally offer to just babysit myself and my wife go to the hospital but she is 39 weeks pregnant and could go into labor.
Now the first incident happens over the phone. Sister in law throws a b-h fit and is constantly saying that we are being inconsiderate/don't want to help her out etc etc. I explain that that isn't fair to her sister and she tells me to "stop arguing with her". I tell her she isn't the one in control and she hangs up the phone. She is cold and irritable with me all day at the hospital when she arrives.
Well today the situation finally came to a head. My wife and I show up at 8 AM and SIL shows up shortly after. I go and use the restroom and when I come back I walk in on SIL pretty much chewing my wife out in front of the mom saying things like it's your fault my husband has to miss work etc.
So I jump in and pretty loudly say that your children are not my problem, you are self centered and this isn't all about you. She ends up crying and storming out of the hospital and just going home. Now my wife is pissed at me and saying that I didn't need to do that in this situation.
The SIL has said other disgusting entitled BS as well such as when we were discussing out of hospital physical therapy the SIL interrupts the doctor and asked "which one is the closes, I have two kids to take care of I can't drive that far." At this point I am having the mother brought to our house for care and I will be transporting her to the BEST physical therapist. The thing is though I have never been the aggressor, I am simply setting boundaries. So what do you think, AITA for this?
Here's what to commenters had to say about this one:
Ok-Homework-582 said:
NTA for defending your wife from your SIL attacks.
oriansbutt said:
NTA Y’all set a boundary and it wasn’t respected. SIL got what was coming to her. Nobody owes her childcare, and if she does want somebody to watch her kids, she can hire a nanny or a babysitter. Just because your family does not mean you can expect someone to parent your children.
To a certain degree, I do sympathize with your sister-in-law and your wife, especially since their mother is going through something so traumatic. it can also be traumatizing to family members going through it too. Because of this, you probably could’ve been gentler, but at the end of the day it was never your responsibility and she pushed y’all too far.
blueberryxxoo said:
NTA So she can dish it out, she can stand there and yell at a stressed out pregnant woman in front of her very sick mother but when you call her out on her bs she runs from the room in tears? Pathetic. Hopefully she thinks twice before talking to your wife like that again.
corrygan said:
NTA. You handled the whole situation well. Someone had to tell that nasty woman off. But your wife needs to stand up for herself too. She has you for support ; I don't know many sons in law , appart from my own partner, who would be so involved in the situation and take such great care of your inlaws.
If I'm honest, I'd ban SIL from your home, because she will try and cause further drama. And, with MIL recovering and baby on the way, you guys really don't need that. Talk to your wife, but do not budge a millimeter on your stance. Who the hell starts a fight in the hospital, and over what? World doesn't owe her a living! Best of luck to your family, hoping everything will be as steess free as possible.
pokeyeahmon said:
NTA. Your SIL waited for you to step away to argue with your wife. She (SIL) had also been difficult about the entire situation so of course you were quick to shut her down as you defended your wife. Your wife is mad at the situation, not to mention being 39 weeks pregnant, but is taking it out on you. Your being a good husband and son in law by taking care of both of them. Congrats on the upcoming arrival and speedy recovery to your MIL.
Extra-Visit-8385 said:
NTA. But call your BIL and tell him to get a babysitter for his kids so his wife can be at the hospital with her mom and no one is inconvenienced. If he works in a corporate environment it is likely he has access to emergency/backup childcare services. Bright Horizons, I think is one that a lot of companies contract with but there are others.
coralcoast21 said:
NTA at all. But in your shoes, wife's pregnancy, and scared out of mind for her mom, I would apologize to smooth it over.
Later OP provided a quick update:
So next day, SIL has now called her dad and my wife's best friend crying and complaining that we are not considerate. She is currently not speaking to us.