"AITA for telling my SIL to walk her daughter to school?"
I (f23) am a university graduate and live at home with my mother. She owns the house with a mortgage that's been fully paid off. I pay her rent (around half of the market rate for our area) and do most of the housework. Me and my mother both work a lot, I work in healthcare and work irregular shift patterns and my mum is self-employed and occasionally has to travel for work.
My brother (m31), his wife "Rose" (f31) and their daughter (f6) moved back into our mum's house on Friday. They got a mortgage on a home but it turned out to have a lot of maintenance issues, the biggest ones being with their toilet and shower not functioning. Also their heating doesn't work. It's estimated to take at least a month to fix everything so in the meantime they're staying here.
Rose came to me and asked if I could take their daughter to school, as her school is a 5 minute drive from the hospital. Normally their neighbour (who has a child the same age) would take her to school but that's no longer an option. My brother works full-time and his shifts clash with doing this (he starts at 7am) and he and Rose share a car, as she only works one shift a week on Sundays.
I told Rose that I can't commit to taking my niece to school everyday. She needs to be dropped off at school for 8am, and sometimes I'm doing overnight shifts that don't finish until 9-10am or I'm doing shifts that start really early in the morning.
Rose got a bit upset and asked why I can't just explain to my boss that I need to be available for school drop-off. She didn't wait for an answer and said she knows it's not that simple but she needs me to help her. In my job, if you start requesting restricted availability, they will give you way less shifts.
I couldn't understand why Rose wouldn't walk her daughter to school, as it's a 15 minute walk from our mum's house to get there, with no hills and plenty of safe crossings. Rose and their daughter don't have any health conditions that would make this not doable.
I asked Rose why she wouldn't walk her daughter to school and she said that is too far to walk with a young child. I showed her the distance on Google maps (I assumed she wasn't aware of how close it was) and she reiterated that it was too far. I said to Rose I think that's her best option but I cannot take her daughter to school everyday.
Later that day my mum told me that Rose came to her really upset that I refused to help. My mum said she knows I normally work irregular shifts but that it'd be a really nice thing for me to do. I feel like I'm going crazy because when I was a kid I went to the same school and my mum walked me there and back from this house!! I said no and my mum said that's fine I understand.
Now I've got my brother calling me selfish and he said it's a small ask that even their neighbour could do it and I'm refusing.
Am I really such an AH???
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Neither-Dentist-7899 wrote:
NTA. By their own logic, the father of the children could shift his schedule to drop off his child. How’s the kid getting home? Walking? 🤣
OP responded:
My brother does school pick-up after work 😭 My niece isn't being left stranded at school I promise.
CeltisMuseBooks wrote:
Why are YOU expected to take off work to take your brother's child do school but HE can't just go in late and take his child to school? Glad your mom had your back on this. Rose needs to stop being lazy and start walking her child to school OR pay for an UBER. OR your brother needs to talk to his boss about coming into work later so he can take his child to school.
No-culture3540 wrote:
NTA. Not your child, her parents need to figure it out. The entitlement wow. “ can you please change your schedule and possibly risk your job to take my daughter to school because I’m too lazy!” Just yuck. Stand your ground, you’re the only sensible person on this scenario.
thepurplemeerkat wrote:
NTA. Your niece and her schooling are not suddenly your responsibility because your brother bought a lemon house. If your sister-in-law says it’s too far to walk then she can get a bike, get a scooter, or call an Uber. Expecting you to change your work shifts when you are undoubtedly already shifting your life around to make room for their family in your home is a wild level of selfishness.
BluePopple wrote:
NTA. There is a capable adult available to walk the kid to school on the days you aren’t available to drive her. SIL is being lazy and entitled. If it’s so easy and a non-issue, why isn’t her father requesting a temporary change to his work hours? Expecting a person who isn’t a parent or guardian to request changes in their employment, which will negatively impact their career, is absolutely mental.
If your mom circles back and starts pressing this after your brother and sister in law wear her down, start looking for a new living situation. Not your kid, not your problem.
Fellowscriberia wrote:
Tell your brother and your SIL in front of your Mum that their child is their problem and they need to solve their own issues. You will not jeopardize your career opportunities because your niece's mother is too lazy to get out and walk her own child to school. If it's such a "small ask", "Rose" can get her butt up off of the couch and get some steps in.
Tell them that calling you selfish is a conscious, adult decision to alienate you and if they keep it up, you will oblige them by going no to low contact. They are your niece's parents and need to figure out her drop off and pick up times themselves. Say this in front of your mother too and remind all of them that bullying is not a healthy family trait.
giantbrownguy wrote:
NTA. If your brother is so adamant that shifting your work schedule is such a reasonable request, tell him to change his own. As her dad he should be stepping up. If he can’t change his work schedule to accommodate it, why would you be able to? Who gets to leave early for school drop offs. Your SIL needs to stop being lazy.