'AITA for telling my sister I’m pregnant using a photo from her wedding?'

"AITA for telling my sister I’m pregnant with a photo from her wedding?"

My (29 F) sister (36 F) let’s call her Kay got married last June to Jack (34 M). Kay and Jack went to high school together but never hung out or stayed in touch. Honestly no one in our family knew about him. Jack was divorced and contacted my sister Kay after she moved to another state.

Kay had just ended a 4 year relationship due to him cheating when she decided to give Jack a chance. Two months after moving and dating Jack she moved back home and then two months later they were engaged. Our parents were not happy (mom more than dad) but Kay was happy and I was ecstatic as I know Kay was ready for this next step in her life.

So the wedding planning began and I was with Kay every step of the way!

So some background on me and Kay’s relationship. Kay and I were very close. Obviously at times when we were younger I drove her crazy as I wanted to do everything she did but as we got older we became the bestest of friends.

Well during this time leading up to Kay connecting with Jack, me and my husband (married for 7 years, when I was 22 -math for Morgan if she reads this) had been trying and trying to have our first baby. We were married young and wanted to wait until our careers were taken off and we lived in our “forever home” before starting a family.

Well sadly when we were ready I found out I may never have a child. There were many nights I cried to Kay about this and told her of everything going on medically. She would be so positive and reassure me everything was going to be okay and one day it would happen.

Well back to the story two weeks before her wedding I discovered I was pregnant! I was so excited and the first person other than my husband I wanted to tell was Kay but I made my husband promise we wouldn’t tell her or anyone until after she was back from her honeymoon. Kay and Jake were going to be gone exploring Europe for 3weeks after the wedding and when they returned we would tell her the news first.

Wedding day came and Kay looked so beautiful, there were lots of emotions and honestly at one point I thought she wasn’t going to go through with it. Our mom still didn’t approve of such a fast wedding even thought our dad tried to get her to see how happy Kay was. So there was family drama the day of with our mom showing up mins before she walked down the aisle.

Well wedding was over and time for the cocktail hour. At this time I had to excuse myself as from the heat and hiding morning sickness I needed to throw up. After I got myself back together, with the help of another bridesmaids (who I ended up having to tell as she stayed in our air bnb hearing me puke all night)I headed outside to meet my husband.

There I thought wouldn’t it be a cute idea to take a picture with my phone to tell my sister surprise you had a secret guest at the wedding. At this time the photographer came up to me some pictures of us and talk about the setup for speeches and noticed us taking the picture and asked if she could take one for us.

I agreed and told her we were not telling until after the honeymoon. She said she would keep a secret and everything went on for the rest of the reception.

My sister of the bride speech went smoothly and even thought almost every family member came up and ask me and my husband when we were planning on having a baby we both said “one day” and went on with the night. My sister and her now husband went on to their honeymoon the day after and all was good.

When my sister texted they were back I asked her if she wanted to come over for dinner so I could hear all about her honeymoon. Her photographer got up with me and said she wanted to give me a copy of the picture and said she has a small preview of pictures and she asked if I wanted to be the one to give it to my sister.

The photographer also warned me my mom had asked when the pictures would be ready and she told our mom she was waiting for my sister to get back. Fearful with mom drama and her being upset I was going to tell my sister first, my husband and I decided to tell our parents the night before dinner with Kay and Jake.

We made our parents little photo frames with their grandparent name and delivered them to their house. Well when we went to my parents and told them, after all of their excitement they asked if I had told Kay.

I told them I was telling her tomorrow and that when I decided to show them the picture I took at the wedding and how I was going to do it. My parents thought it was a wonderful idea and asked if they could come to dinner as well and I said yes.

Night of the dinner with my parents and Kay and Jack came and everything went smoothly. I showed Kay the photos from the photographer and the last photo was the one of the surprise guest. Kay acted so happy and excited for us. After dinner my parents left and Kay, Jack, my husband and I stayed up till midnight talking. Well now I thought it went well and for a while everything was normal.

Fast forward to the holiday, and things started seaming off. Kay was more distant from the family which I thought may be normal for being newly married but she started to be short with me in text and just things were off. She would be normal then distant.

She was also going through things with our mom and ended up cutting her off after the holidays due to “‘mom doesn’t like Jack” and moms words is “Kay is different and Jack seams emotionally controlling”. I stayed out of it but also was distanced because of how Kay was acting.

Well a few weeks before my due date Kay decided to host a get together at her house and invited us. I was having contractions on and off so my husband said let’s wait and see if we need to go to the hospital. I was high risk and doctors kept saying they make take the baby early so we were both a little nervous to head to Kay’s which was 1hr away from the hospital.

Things slowed down so we headed to Kay’s but were an hour late. When we arrived Kay looked like she was going to cry and said I didn’t think you were coming. I told her what happened and she said okay.

After the party we came home and that night I ended up giving birth to my daughter. I told Kay and she said congratulations I will meet her when you come home. I was shocked she didn’t want to come to the hospital but thought maybe it was because she didn’t want to run into our mom.

Fast forward to us coming home and Kay came to meet the baby. She came by with her husband but said she was waiting in our dad to get there before she would come over. So my parents came over and shortly after they arrived. Thing seemed normal but she was short at times.

Fast forward and Kay hasn’t been around. I would text her and she would be short. I would invite her to things and she would make up something. Until yesterday, I ask Kay if she would help me find our dad a birthday gift. She went off on me and said no, and how didn’t I understand she was mad at me from taking a picture at her wedding and showing the world I was pregnant with the picture.

She went on and on about how I ruined her wedding and I was the most selfish person in the world and she wants to be an Aunt but can’t believe I would use her wedding.

I told her she and our parents are the only ones who ever saw or knew anything about the picture and everyone else knew from our announcement photoes we did later at the lake or if we make the special photo frames. She didn’t want to hear and said she doesn’t ever want to talk about it again.

I’m heartbroken and confused. I thought she would tell me right away if this upset her. Why wait all this time? Why would she think I told everyone at her wedding or with the wedding photo, which I didn’t. I wanted it to just be something that got put in a random photo book a way I just told her.

I called my husband crying and he is in shock too. I ended up telling our parents and they can’t believe she is this mad and has been holding onto it for over a year.

So, AITA? What do I do? I’m heartbroken as I thought my daughter would grow up with an Aunt she would be close too. But now I don’t think that will happen. Feel like I have lost my sister and best friend over this and don’t know how to fix it.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters ha to say:

Glittering_Seat_2859 said:

I don’t understand what she’s upset about. She already had her wedding which went well. Why does a photo at her wedding matter so much? Maybe she’s jealous that little sister is stealing the newlywed spotlight with the pregnancy? Her mom doesn’t approve of the wedding, so maybe that’s another added layer.

Faunaholic said:

You can’t ruin her wedding retroactively- nothing you did disrupted the ceremony or the reception, nor did it take anything away from her and her husbands celebration. She did not even know anything was up. I have a feeling this is not about you, she wants to have a pity party for herself and needs those around her to feel badly.

Let her be for a few months, she will either get over it or keep holding a grudge, in which case you wouldn’t want to be around her anyway

Citrus_In_Space said:

NTA—and I've been where she is. Your sis was in a long relationship that ended in heartbreak, and then this guy comes on the scene, dates her immediately, and rushes a marriage? I have a sneaking suspicion that he's cutting her off from her loved one and spilling poison in her ears. Especially with how it seems like retroactive anger. I think your mom is right that he's controlling.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Be there for your sister in what ways you can, but you didn't take away any light from her day. She's going to have to make the decision for herself, but this situation leaves a bad taste in my mouth—and you're not the cause.

Pineapple_Wagon said:

NTA. I was ready to call you one as I can’t stand event stealers. BUT You didn’t make a scene or an announcement that you were pregnant. You quietly took a photo to use later. Her wedding was not ruined. She didn’t even know until she returned from her honeymoon.

And SnooWords4839 said:

Sounds like mom may be right about Jack. Give sister some time and space. Congrats on baby!