'AITA for telling my sister to take her engagement ring off?' 'It was rude to draw attention to it.'
"AITA for telling my sister to take her engagement ring off?"
Hi so I need some help on this issue, I (17F) have two older siblings Lily (22F) and Tom (24M). Last weekend it was Tom's wedding, he married my SIL Leia (23F) it was a really beautiful wedding and everyone was so happy for them.
However, at the beginning of the ceremony I noticed Lily had a ring on her ring finger, I hadn’t heard anything about an engagement from Lily and neither had anyone else so I spoke to her before anyone else noticed and asked what was going on and she told me she was engaged, of course I was happy for her.
But I asked when it happened and she said last week which was interesting because I saw Lily three days prior to the wedding and she wasn’t wearing it. knowing my sister i knew what she was doing so I immediately told her to take it off.
She looked at me like I had just killed her dog or something, she asked me why and i told her it was rude to draw attention to it at someone else’s wedding because nobody knew that she was engaged yet and people would question her about it undoubtedly because nobody was going to miss the huge rock on her ring finger.
She said that even if they did pick up on it why is it such a big deal and i told her it would take away from Leia and Toms special day. She stormed off in a huff and told my mom about it.
Which apparently my mom knew Lily was engaged and my mom pulled me aside and told me it was mean to tell Lily to take her ring off and that I shouldn’t act out over jealousy. I was actually really happy for her I just didn’t think it was the time or place for an announcement like that.
Lily ended up leaving the wedding early which really upset Tom but he didn’t know why she left. I feel really bad for both upsetting Tom and Lily. so AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
East-Librarian-2214 said:
NTA. Your mum is an AH though. She think yours the jealous one? (I think you would be smart enough to not be wanting to get engaged or married at 17). Your sister was being jealous of attention not being on her.
She knew exactly what she was doing. Leave Tom to enjoy his honeymoon and tell him what happened later. I'm sure he'll understand that you said what you said out of concern for him and (especially) his new wife.
NotCreativeAtAll16 said:
NTA. If she didn't want to draw attention to it, she would have told people ahead of the wedding. 100% she wanted to draw attention to herself, and more troubling was that your mom was going to let her. Is she the golden child?
East_Hospital_2775 said:
YTA. Her just wearing the ring wasn't drawing attention to sh$t. YOU were the one drawing attention to your sister here.
Dapper_Glove_5576 said:
YTA, wearing the ring is not an announcement. You're probably one of the few people that would have even noticed. I never notice such things.
No_Winner1131 said:
NTA, wearing an engagement ring is step 1 for how most people announce their engagement. Everyone saying she was "only" wearing the ring are being purposefully obtuse. If you noticed, so would others.
If it wasn't your place to mention it, her sister, then whose place was it? The bride and groom have other stuff to worry about and at least you had their back.
frankbeans82 said:
She was engaged. Your mom confirmed it. You were wrong. YTA. How do you feel knowing that you brought more attention to the matter than Lily did? Talk about causing a scene.
artistandcrafter said:
NTA. I got engaged and announced it before my sibling. They got married a year before me. I wore my ring to their wedding since my engagement had been public for MONTHS and people still kept asking about my wedding.
I felt awful about it thinking I was taking attention away from the bride and groom. There’s no way your sister didn’t know that people would notice and take attention away from your brother/SIL and it’s very rude of her to try.
CapoExplains said:
YTA. She wasn't walking around talking about her engagement and making the wedding about her, she was just wearing her engagement ring, which is like...what you f--ng do with your engagement ring.
That's the whole point, you keep the ring on as a symbol of your commitment to that person. You say "It wasn't the time or place for an announcement like that" but she didn't make an announcement and it doesn't sound like she intended to either.