'AITA for telling my travel friends they can leave the group but I'll be staying?'
"AITA for telling my travel friends they can leave the group but I'll be staying?"
I (28F) have been backpacking through South East Asia for a few months now, and specifically Thailand for the last month or so. At the beginning of the Thailand part of my trip, I met two other solo travelers in my hostel who seemed like good vibes, and we all ended up sticking together as a trio for the next few weeks.
However, as time went on, it turns out they have a bit of a different travel style to me, and are both quite 'type A' people, where I'm much more go with the flow. I didn't think it was a problem -- I'd just let them make the plans cos they cared more than I did, and I just vibed along for the ride.
I do also have a tendency to be a bit disorganized and late to things, but never more than 5-10 mins. Also, in all honesty, who really cares if we leave the hostel 5 minutes later than agreed for dinner or going to the beach? We're chilling in a fun place with fun people either way.
Anyway, I thought we were all getting along well, and over the last couple weeks we've added 4 more people to our little team! That was until yesterday, when the original two sat me down and told me they don't want to travel with me any more because it's irritating that I never contribute to plans and am often late.
I told them that I would've been happy to compromise if I knew they were upset, and that I genuinely thought me not contributing to plans was making everything go smoother because I really don't care much what we do, so this way the team only has to balance two people's sometimes-conflicting wants.
Regardless, if that's how they felt, I told them that it's sad but it's cool and I won't take it personally if they go do their own thing
This is where the conflict comes in. They told me that they really like the group dynamic with the other 4 people we found, so they'd prefer if I was the one to leave, and that it was more fair that way because there are two of them and one of me. I told them I like traveling with the others too, and they're the ones with an issue, not me, so I won't be doing that
TL;DR: Two out of 6 of my travel group don't want to travel with me any more, so they're trying to kick me out of the group. I told them to shove it and they should be the ones to leave if they're that bothered
So, AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Lainy122 wrote:
NTA. Easy fix, check in with the other new people and see if they feel the same way as your Type A's. If yes, no drama, bounce and find more chill people. If not, your former travel buddies can be the ones to move along. To be honest though, I doubt it's about you or your behaviour.
They could just be looking to even out numbers, either for sexy reasons or simply for logistics - for some reason 7 people are harder to make plans for than 6 people. Travelling is built for even numbers, and often places refuse to accommodate an extra person. I say this as I just spent a month travelling as a 3 - nearly everywhere was like, nope! 2 or 4 please.
professor-certain wrote:
YTA, being constantly late is inconsiderate to other people, because you don't plan anything you also don't know the effort they might or might not have put in e.g. bus times/attraction times.
I think there's probably a lot more going on here that your post doesn't mention, did 10 minutes ever become 30 minutes late? Did you almost miss something because you turned up late?
Either way these are basically random people, you can meet more.
RealisticAd3559 wrote:
OH MY GOSH, definitely NTA. I am also currently traveling in Southeast Asia. I met a group of friends I was traveling with. We all had different personalities and worked things out as needed. These people suck (why the formal meeting to get you voted off the island? This isn’t survivor), they’re doing you a favor.
Enjoy your solo travels - you’ll meet new people along the way. You couldn’t pay me to travel with such snooty people. I’ve met up with several friends on this trip and we’ve eventually gone our separate ways - before conflict could arise - trust yourself. I am currently loving being alone. Skip them.
GenZHippie wrote:
Kind of leaning ESH. Sounds like they could have communicated earlier the desire for you to contribute to plans more. I think you could also work on being late. Has your disorganization resulted in any other problems outside of just being late? Do you forget necessary items for plans and cause extra stops to get things/have to borrow their items etc?
Just asking because you said you can be late AND disorganized. However, they could have also communicated that it bothers them how you are always late. I would still be curious on the opinion of the others. You can maybe still resolve this peacefully.
I would apologize for the misunderstandings amongst y'all, and ask if you guys can all try and work on communication for when ill feelings pop up. Say you have enjoyed their company and appreciate the sites they've discovered because of their planning. (That can be a big annoyance with being the main planner- sometimes you don't need more ideas from others as much as just appreciation!
A lot of time DOES go into planning while you relax on the hostel hammock and reap the benefits) Then determine if they would like for you to contribute more to plans, and also try and be a bit more on time. It's not actually that hard man.
bit0n wrote:
YTA to me the minute you said being late is not an issue no way my brain can handle that. But if you’re happy to drop out and go solo rather than change I guess NTA. Only option that matters though is the other 4 people. Sit them down let them know your quirks and the quirks of the other two see what they say. Maybe just be on time to the sit down 😂
15021933 wrote:
YTA. Or E S H not sure.
But having a person who’s constantly late and never plans is dragging the mood down.
However, y’all are traveling and not having a fixed schedule so not sure what’s the deal being so on time all the time. The other people need to be asked who they want to hang out with. And tbh it’s not like y’all own these people, sometimes you hang out and sometimes you do your own thing.