'AITA for telling my wife she was being difficult due to a seating issue at the restaurant?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my wife she was being difficult due to a seating issue at the restaurant?"

On Sunday, my wife and I were out for a date night, my sister was babysitting our two year old daughter, so we had the night free. I was busy with some friends in the afternoon so I had texted my wife to make reservations at the restaurant, and a few minutes later she told me it was done.

When we got there, and were taken to our table, she said that during the phone call she had asked for a table next to the windows and that the lady who'd taken down her reservation had said she'd noted it down.

The guy said there wasn't anything written, and there wasn't any window-side table free, so if we could be seated at the current table for now, he'd see what he can do. That table was good too, and honestly I wasn't fussed over the window, so we sat down.

A few minutes later, she told me she saw someone be seated at a window-side table, I said it was fine but as that same guy walked past she told him she'd seen someone be seated and we were supposed to be first. He said he'll check it out. When he left (I want to be clear I didn't say it in front of him) I said it's our date night, lets not be difficult.

She didn't get angry or anything just said she wasn't being difficult, we were first. A few minutes later the guy came and took us to a window-side table. We had a great night. Later that night when were in bed, I said it had been a great night she said, "yeah despite me being difficult" and seemed a bit put off by what I had said.

I said I only meant that our night would be good regardless of where we sat, so it wasn't a big deal.

She said how was she in the wrong, we were promised a particular type of table and she just kept them to their word, that I was blaming the person who was wronged.

I said okay, (I didn't see the point in pushing it) and apologized for my remark. We were planning on another night this weekend and I just recalled her being mad at me for what I had said. So I was just wondering if I was TA that time.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

violettowers wrote:

Light YTA.

I trust that you probably didn’t mean harm. But she wasn’t being difficult. The restaurant made a mistake and she was politely letting them know and making sure she got what she asked for.

Why is it that every time someone stands up for themselves and what they want they are labeled difficult? Also, these micro criticisms may seem insignificant and even warranted sometimes but they kill connection. You two are supposed to be the most important people for each other, admire each other, have each other’s back.

So why not take the lead and make sure she gets what she wants, or at least be supportive, instead of criticizing her for it? I am saying this with all the kindness, love and best wishes in my heart: have her back. She can fight these ‘battles’ alone but she shouldn’t have to. You’re a team. Be a team.

JoJOCruz206 wrote:

Your wife asserted herself to the wait staff to get something she had requested. What about this was “difficult?”

You decided that you weren’t fussed about it so you went on then to assert that she shouldn’t be either. You do realize that your wife is her own person, right? That she is allowed to have feelings about something and assert herself without being judged for it? As it is, she made the reservations, not you. YTA.

Cherry_clafoutis wrote:

Your wife didn't call the staff names; she was polite but assertive about her booking. OP didn't say "I am happy sitting here with you. Let's just sit here". Instead you called her difficult and then wonder why she was upset.

I have a relative like OP. They will bend over backwards to be liked and respected by strangers but don't treat their loved ones with that same respect and care. Loved ones feelings and wants are actually less important than a stranger. YTA.

Beefbeets wrote:

YTA. Why does your wife being assertive of something she wanted automatically make her difficult. I know my husband would've been right up there with me questioning why the restaurant hadn't followed through with a simple (evidently available) request, not attacking my character. Seems like an odd reaction for a supposed loved one on date night to take?

dorelake wrote:

You wife called, MADE A RESERVATION FOR A WINDOW SEAT, but was given another seat upon arrival. I do not think she was being difficult, but being assertive. The waiter got her the window seat so all was well.

In the future, when you wife is handling an issue, LET HER HANDLE IT WITHOUT MAKING AN UNNECESSARY COMMENT.

This does not rise to the level of AH. It is a trivial issue.

mrsjavey wrote:

I was expecting your wife to be difficult but she wasnt. Yta. She was assertive. If you have daughters please make sure they learn that skill from her and remind them that no person should take it away.

Apprehensive-Rush362 wrote:

YTA “It’s our date night. Let’s not be difficult.” And “Our night would be good regardless of where we sat” have two completely different meanings. The first is critical and sounds more like “hey this is OUR night and if you behave like this it will ruin it for me” The latter is supportive and says “It doesn’t matter where we sit. I’m just happy I’m here with you.”

As a long time service industry worker, we do have to fix our mistakes. If she was told she would have a window seat, she should have one. Of course things happen and mistakes get made but upon your arrival the mistake was noted and she was then given the idea that there was something that could be done.

It’s completely okay for her to follow up on that. It’s not like she had some big melt down. As a restaurant worker I would have been completely okay with her behavior and apologetic as the restaurant was at fault. Be genuinely apologetic and book a surprise window seat for her this weekend.

A few days later, OP jumped on with an update.

Hi, I had received an AH judgement on my post which made me reevaluate how I behaved then. On Sunday we were going to go out again. I took care of the reservation at a nice restaurant and stressed that we really need a window table.

When we got there, we had to wait a few minutes but we got a window table. My wife joked that we got a good seat without any difficulties. I'm not 100% about this, but it seemed that comment of mine was still on her mind.

So I took that opportunity to apologize again for my remark. She said it was all good, she knew and liked that I was easygoing but she just liked looking outside as well while eating, it was weirdly important to her. We had a great night. Thanks to all those who commented on my last post , it gave me some good insight.

Here's what people had to say to OP's update:

ThedaymenalsoCamoth wrote:

Do you see how you’re admitting to being the ah but still putting your wife down? Looking outside while eating “was weirdly important to her”; you’re positioning her simple request as “weird” because it’s not something you prefer.

Do you do this with other things she likes that you don’t? Do you put her in these situations where you’re telling her asserting herself makes her difficult or weird? I think you should take a break from patting yourself on the back to do some more reflecting on how you treat your wife and why you feel so put off by her having a mind of her own.

OP responded:

She joked that it was weirdly important to her.

Glum-System-7422 wrote:

Why does every man who describes himself as “easy going” get worked up like this?? It’s seriously a red flag to me.

Workana wrote:

I am so glad I have a bf who also likes to have a nice seat. It's not required, but if we can swing it, it's worth the effort to arrange. Just because something isn't important to you, doesn't mean it's "weird" or pointless.

purple_haze38 wrote:

I find it disconcerting that you only believed you were an AH according to other people. Like your wife’s opinion or feelings don’t matter.