'AITA for telling my wife that she's foolish for giving half of her income to her pastor?'
"AITA for telling my wife that she's foolish for giving half of her income to her pastor?"
So my (36m) wife (32F) writes serialized fiction on various apps, and I thought she earned as high as $8,000 every month. We've built a house together (we both contributed but most of the cash came from her since she earns way more). Yesterday, I found that she hasn't been honest about her income.
She actually earns about $15,000 and a few times $20,000 (depending on how much she writes, how many people pay to read that month, and money from writing contests she wins), but she gives half of the money to her pastor because she has a covenant with God to always give half of her income as tithe.
This really pissed me off. This is money we could use for so many other things. Savings, investments, and even trust funds for our kids (we have two aged 8 and 6). I told her to stop or at least reduce the percentage but she refused. I got upset and told her that she was extremely foolish for this since the pastor was probably keeping most of the money to himself anyway. It was an ugly argument.
She called me an AH who's trying to control her and said it's not my money so I can't tell her what to do. I spent the night elsewhere and haven't gone back home because I'm still upset. Am I wrong for how I reacted and telling her that we could use the money for better things? AITA?
PS: I know the monthly incomes sound outrageous, and to those who won't believe it, you can try searching up those platforms (took the names out for those accusing me of advertising), to see how much authors earn from them. My wife writes for about 6 of these platforms).
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Edit: Another reason why I was so pissed off is that my wife breaks her back writing. She barely sleeps on top of going chores because she has to publish chapters everyday in order not to miss monthly bonuses. So for her to give half of that away is infuriating.
Edit 2: My wife earns in USD but we do not reside in USA.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
XeroKillswitch said:
You will not win this. Ever. Her covenant is with “god”. You can’t argue with, or compromise with, someone that believes this deeply. There’s no middle ground when what they’re doing is directly from “god”. You either have to figure out if you’re okay with this, or not.
CallMeMailEscort said:
NTA. Your wife is in a cult and this directly affects your life together.
AttilaTheFun818 said:
NTA. Your wife lied about something important in your lives. Your wife is almost certainly being manipulated into giving that money away.
RaddishSlaw said:
NTA. Ask her what the Pastor does with Her (your) money. Start saying you are giving 90% of your money to the alcohol/ gambling gods and see her reaction.
ConnectionRound3141 said:
NTA. Tithing is such a scam. Your kids could never have to worry about paying for college but she’s giving it to a religious institution!?! I’d lose my shi*t if this were my partner. I’d also probably divorce them because I could not be married to someone that blind towards religion. I bet the pastor drives a very nice car because god told him too.
Exotic_Search957 said:
You are okay with being married to someone who is so deluded they give half of their income away to a church…? Are you yourself religious as well? I’m confused.
While most people were on OP's side for this one, everyone involved felt that there were deeper issues that this couple has to work out. What's your advice for this situation?