'AITA for telling my wife to stop blaming me for her weight gain during pregnancy?' UPDATED
**Scroll down for update**
"AITA for telling my wife to please stop blaming me for her weight gain during pregnancy?"
I (31m) like my wife's (32f) current body the way it is. She's plus-sized and I like that she's plus-sized. She knew I like it when a woman is heavier before she got pregnant and gained the weight. She hates the weight and I support her goal to lose the weight.
I stopped buying her triggering foods. I help her exercise. I meal prep for her. She would lose a little weight then regain it, over and over again. When she gets really frustrated with her body, she blames me. She said she's plus-sized because I like plus-sized women. But not even she makes the argument that she purposely gained the weight to please me.
She gained the weight during pregnancy. A husband gets the food his pregnant wife wants. She talks about the fact that I had got her the foods she wanted when she was pregnant as a dirty thing. As if she is accusing me of fattening her up. Yes I think her plus-sized body is smoking hot. But I want her to have the body she wants.
I eventually got tired of her accusations and I told her to please stop blaming me for her weight gain during pregnancy. I told her I love her, I think her plus-sized body is super hot, but I want her to have the body she wants. She accused me of calling her fat. AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Antique_Elk7826 said:
NTA. But check in with her when she is feeling good and ask about therapy/counseling. How long ago did she give birth? Cause you might be looking at some post partum issues and therapy can really help. Hormones go wild and can affect her moods, maybe give her some grace but also point out she is treating you terribly and something needs to change.
OP responded:
I'll try to suggest counseling to her.
She gave birth two and a half years ago.
dalealace said:
NTA. You’ve done everything a reasonable and supportive person can do. This is her hang up to sort out, not yours. I know it’s annoying how the internet immediately jumps on the THERAPY! train, but in her case a therapist and nutritionist might be in order because this spanned years before pregnancy right?
Excellent-Ice7937 said:
Your wife needs to stop blaming you and see a therapist
Anthropic_me said:
Sounds like she suffers from body dysmorphia. Maybe help her see a medical professional who specializes in the field. That said, you aren't forcing her to eat anything. That's a choice she makes.
OP responded:
I'll try to see if I can suggest she see a therapist in a way that doesn't offend her.
The next day, OP shared this update:
To give you a timeline before the update so things are easier to follow. My wife and I got married almost four years ago in January. My wife was thin before her pregnancy. She knew I have a thing for plus-sized women. She had gained weight during pregnancy. She gave birth to our daughter 14 months after we got married. The argument I had posted about yesterday happened mere hours before the post.
I talked to my wife last night. She told me something that she probably would have told me earlier if her and I didn't allow this thing to drag out for so long.
She told me that, when she was pregnant, her knowing what I like plus-sized women, and seeing how gleeful I was watching her body change had a big affect on her. She finally admitted that she had purposely allowed herself to get big. She said she had thought that her experiencing my intense attraction for her if she got big would be worth all the discomfort of being overweight.
She said that even though she appreciates my intense attraction for her, she still doesn't see herself as physically attractive. This was her words, "Smile honey, you got what you've always wanted. A fat wife." She said that with a genuine looking smile and a genuine sounding tone. I don't know how I feel about this. I feel guilty. She had made a sacrifice I wouldn't have asked her to make.
For anyone reading, I don't know what you could take from this. I'm guessing don't make sacrifices for your partner that they didn't ask you for. Communicate and don't allow problems to drag on. I love my wife, and I hope she can see herself as attractive very soon.