'AITA for telling my wife's friend I don't have to see her in the classroom to know she's a horrible teacher?'
"AITA for telling my wife's friend I don't have to see her in the classroom to know she's a horrible teacher?"
My wife's friend was supposed to come watch fireworks with us tonight, but she just texted my wife that she isn't coming because I'm a nasty person who encourages my child to be rude and disrespectful.
My wife and I just had a small argument about the situation that ended with her pulling a Big Lebowski on me and saying I don't have to be wrong to be an AH. That's true, but I think her friend is the AH, not me. I'll tell you what happened, and you decide for us.
My wife's friend was at our house for dinner. She's a teacher, and she complains about it a lot. She says the parents are impossible to deal with, the administration is not supportive, everyone has an opinion on curriculum and the kids don't listen.
I include these complaints as context for the discussion. She told my wife she was working on her lesson plan for February and Black History Month and that she was making a fact sheet about Martin Luther King Jr for her kids.
Our son, who is a huge Star Trek fan, said that she should include the fact that MLKJ was a Star Trek fan. My wife's friend, with a very patronizing tone and expression I might add, said that maybe he would have been if he'd still been alive when it aired.
My son said that he was, and that he used to watch it with his daughters. My wife's friend said that he died before the show aired. I told her she was wrong and my son was right.
She said I was a perfect example of a parent that can't acknowledge when her child was wrong. I said no, you're a perfect example of a teacher that assumes she knows everything and can't connect with her students because she doesn't respect them.
My wife forced us all to change the topic. After dessert I pulled up a video on YouTube where Nichelle Nichols was discussing talking to MLKJ about Star Trek. I showed it to everyone.
My wife's friend asked why I couldn't let the topic lie. I said I didn't want my son to feel like he was wrong for sharing facts he knows about his interests. My wife's friend said I don't know what it's like to be a teacher.
I said I don't, but I know she's a bad one. She said I'd never seen her in the classroom. I said I didn't need to because I see how she is in her daily life, and people are who they are regardless of where they are.
So my wife's argument is I'm an AH for bringing the topic back up after it was settled. She said I could have played the video for our son after her friend left and taught him about giving others grace and not needing external validation. I disagree and think it is important our kid knows we will always stand up for him. So am I an AH?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Yes being a teacher is hard, but your son was only trying to help, and his idea was really good, and her response was mean, both to your son and you.
This. Also, too, great teaching moment for the teacher. “Really? Didn’t know that! Can you show me, please?”
Exactly. That’s the right way to deal with that. As a young Whiteroses one of my special interests was history, and my sixth grade teacher let me prepare a presentation about Fun Random Facts I Bet You Didn’t Know.
It’s no exaggeration to say it changed my life. Mrs Hickman, thanks. Teachers have so much power. And some of them genuinely don’t deserve it.
NTA at all. Some teachers *do* have control and ego issues, this lady sounds like one of them.
No, you aren't. I'm disgusted by the, "teacher." I am one hundred percent behind your supporting your child. He needs to know that no matter what, no matter who, no matter how uncomfortable, that you will support him when he's right. Period. Your wife is flat out wrong this time. I'd NEVER have that so called teacher back in my home again.
NTA. I’m a teacher. If she’s the type to tell kids they’re wrong without fact checking because her ego says she can’t acknowledge that a child may know more than her, she is a bad teacher. I know the type. And while a lot of her complaints are valid, it sounds like she’s making her own life harder.
Calling it like it is only matches her energy. Your kid was right, she was wrong, and she’s not the type of decent person that makes for a good teacher so you just said it like it is. She knows what to do if she doesn’t like it, assuming she can get her ego out of her way.
NTA: This Teacher sounds like a borderline narcissist, it's also pretty atrocious for a teacher to be so sure about being wrong, to the point she is willing to call a child wrong, instead of fact checking themselves and improving the self-esteem of the child by admitting to them they knew something factual over an adult.
Yeah, maybe a little AHish to call her a bad teacher, but she had it coming. I wouldn't even apologize.
Those people defending the teacher seem to not realize that the teacher literally went to college to learn how to look up and use references. This is just like that student at OU who got the teacher fired because feelings over facts apparently.
NTA yes teaching is hard, yes teachers are overworked and underpaid and yes they deserve better. But a teacher being unable to admit when they are wrong is a huge issue when they're teaching children.
Your child shared a related fact they found interesting and thought others might too and she got defensive and doubled down. Did she admit she was wrong or apologise? Or did she just take it as more ammunition that people are against her?
TowerFew3482 (OP)
She never admitted she was wrong. She never apologized.