'AITA for embarrassing my stepmother by telling our neighbour that her relationship is a product of an affair?'
"AITA for embarrassing my stepmother by telling our neighbour that her relationship is a product of an affair?"
My (16f) birthday is soon i want to celebrate with my mum and siblings on the actual day but my dad asked if I could come over to his to celebrate my birthday as well as his housewarming party.
Anyway I did not want to come I'm not on good terms with my dad or his wife and new kids but because of the custody arrangements I have to spend some weekends with him. My step mum is someone who is very eager to please everyone and she loves to brag about her lifestyle she just carries herself in an extremely condescending way.
My parents divorced when I was 7 whilst my mum was going through chemotherapy for stage 3 breast cancer. My dad had an affair when my mum was in hospital and he said it was due to the stress of having to look after us and that he needed some female comfort whatever the hell that means.
They tried to make things work after the affair but the never could since my dad wouldn't stop seeing my now step mum who was my mum's co worker. This was the biggest betrayal my mum worked in a small business everyone was like family and her coworkers visited us often and used to bring us goodie bags my step mum was one of them.
They've been married for 9 years now and I have never been able to have a relationship with them. So during the housewarming event one of the neighbours approached me and asked how I feel about having a step mum and blended family she was asking me cause her daughter who is in a similar age range to me struggles with it.
I just flat out told her that I don't view them as family because they're affair broke any relationship. She was visibly shocked and my step mum was bright red and was stuttering saying that there was no overlap and that I was young and confused.
She proceeded to lock herself up in her room crying and when the party was over my dad screamed at me saying that I'm so hard to love and that I'm so bitter. I told him that I feel the same way I tried to act like it didn't hurt me but I'm so upset that my own father would say this to me.
I always knew he loves his new family more than me but I didn't expect him to say it outright my stepmum said that if I come over she would no longer spend weekends with him and will take the kids away. My dad is on the phone with my mum asking if it would be fine if I no longer come over.
My step mum is now refusing to leave the house saying she's humiliated and can no longer show her face around the neighbourhood which is quiet close knit. So do you guys think I'm the AH I know what I did was wrong but what they did was 100 times worse. Just looking for an objective opinion.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Funny I stuck by my wife with her stage 4 with 3 daughters and never thought once about cheating. Sorry your dad is such a week AH.
How do people even have the energy to cheat in situations like this, let alone the inclination. He was presumed working full time paying the bills and ferrying his wife back and forth for chemo and raising his 7 year old daughter during such a traumatic time AND somehow found the energy to go and find a mistress? Wild. OP NTA.
Green-Bike-30 (OP)
My big sister used to look after me a lot of the time whilst my dad stayed out late he was hardly looking after me so I don't know why he claimed that he was so stressed .
At least it sounds like you have a great mum and she was successful in beating cancer. My mother also survived stage 4 cancer and I remember my dad was always tired and always home just watching her sleep off the chemo when he could. Sending you good vibes.
NTA to me, you were asked an honest question and gave an honest answer, maybe they shouldn't have had an affair if she's that embarrassed by it coming out.
NTA OP. Dad & Step aren't too bright are they? Forcing a 16 yr old to skip their birthday party to be at their housewarming with all the skeletons in the closet. A box of hand grenades would have been less dangerous! You gave them both exactly what they deserve.
NTA — your father is the AH. Who cheat on someone with cancer? And with someone with such close proximity. He didn’t even have the decency (if you would call it that) to do his deed away from home.
NTA NTA NTA — and I definitely would’ve told side piece mom to stop crying. She knew what she was doing. I can’t believe your father would speak to you that way you’re a child at the end of the day. For him to tell you that you’re hard to love and bitter is disgusting.
I would tell him “I’m only a mirror of the love that you’ve shown me” or something along those lines just so that he knows as the adult it’s HIS responsibility to do the work in your relationship. It’s not your responsibility to get your father to like you, it’s your fathers responsibility to earn back your trust and respect.
NtA. Your father is a failure. And your step mother stole a woman’s husband while she was battling cancer. She SHOULD be ashamed.