'AITA for telling my no-contact sister part of growing is accepting people don't have to forgive you?'
"AITA for telling my no contact sister that part of growing and being a better person is accepting that people don't have to forgive and reconcile with you?"
Growing up my sister (now 22f) was the spoiled golden child of our parents. She got everything she ever wanted in life and became the brat nobody wanted their kids to be friends with.
I (now 24f) even had friends who weren't allowed to come to my house because my sister was there. She would steal, try to make you do what she wanted and would tell our parents if you didn't, would break stuff if she wasn't included and then wasn't allowed to take over decision making. It was a whole thing.
We fought a lot as kids and we both said awful things to each other. But I grew to resent her more and more because of the monster our parents created. The final straw for me was my savings. My parents wouldn't let me open up a bank account because they didn't want me hiding money. They forced my first job to fire me because they were not okay with me keeping money to myself.
And I knew they wouldn't help me with college or let me stay rent free once I was 18. So I started being sneaky about saving. I babysat for friends parents under the guise of visiting friends. I did errands for family friends or other people. It didn't allow me much in the way of savings but it allowed me some.
But then like two days before my 18th birthday my sister found and stole the money. And yes, I had it at home but there was nowhere else to take it. None of my friends parents were okay with me storing it at their house in case any went missing and I accused them. They were fine helping me get money but they didn't want the responsibility of storing it, which I understand.
My sister even told our parents I had the money and they got so mad at me. In return I told my sister to f off and never speak to me again and from that day onward she wasn't my sister and I didn't love or give a damn about what would happen to her. I left on my birthday and never went back. I was no contact from then until now.
My sister reached out to me a few weeks ago because a relative gave her my number. She apologized, told me she was sorry, said she had grown up and realized how sh**ty she was and she knew stealing, breaking stuff, getting me into trouble intentionally and trying to control everything was wrong. She said she loved and missed me and was hoping we could repair our relationship.
I didn't reply. I read the text and I kept it on my phone but I didn't reply. Two weeks later she texted the exact same thing with an apology if I got the first but she wanted to be sure. Then a few days ago she texted again and said she knew it was my number and wanted to know why I ignored her when she had apologized and was hoping I'd forgive her so we could have a relationship.
I replied one time (and I considered not doing this) and I told her that part of growing is accepting people don't have to forgive you or reconcile with you just because you apologized and that sometimes the harm done can't be undone and doors are closed forever.
I didn't reply after that. Then the relative who gave her my number and I exchanged some words because of this and she told me it was the most arrogant way to tell someone you don't accept their apology.
She said I should have been more accepting. And I told her that I didn't need to listen to this. AITA for it though? I'm not doubting myself but I wonder if there are others who feel the same way as the relative. Honestly maybe I should've kept ignoring my sister and blocked her number.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
BeeEnvironmental6299 wrote:
I understand your relative is hoping for you and your sister to reconcile but I don’t think your reply was arrogant at all. You don’t owe your sister anything and your relative needs to accept your decision and back off.
Sasstellia wrote:
NTA. Block the bastiche and the relative who gave your number away. It sounds slike you have a lot of relatives who suddenly are dead to you. Make it clear. If anyone gives your number or details to that vile waste of space, they are dead to you. If they agree with the idiot who told her. Dead to you.
I hope your parents are dead to you too. They're worthless scumbags as well. Cut them off. She didn't deserve any reply. She clearly isn't sorry. If she was truly sorry. She'd have realized that her long list of crimes is far too long to be forgiven. She would have gone away in shame and taken the forced new start as a sign that she needs to change. It's a lot of bad stuff and while I'm not into regret.
Learn from your mistakes, and move on. You would absolutely be ashamed of that history. That's a long, vile, list. I say forced new start. Because it sounds like she messed up badly and realized she only has the sister who disowned her left. It's about as real as a 9 pound note. She isn't sorry. She just wants to mooch or something. Make herself look good for some fake redemption or something.
ComprehensivePut5569 wrote:
NTA - If your sister cannot understand your reply then she still needs more growth. Makes me wonder exactly what she told the relative because it sounds like another example of her not getting her way then “tattling” to force you to give her what she wants - same controlling behavior from childhood.
If you don’t want to hear from your sister again, I’d suggest blocking her then pre-block her on socials to shut down all access options. As for that relative who gave out your number without asking you first, they definitely deserve the blocking treatment.
Cute-profession9983 wrote:
NTA It's great when someone can grow and better themselves, but sometimes apologies just aren't enough. Getting better doesn't erase the past, and sometimes too much damage is done for one party to want to revisit the relationship.