'AITA for telling off my friend's fiancé?' 'He complained about them using MY recipe.'
"AITA for telling off my friend's fiancé when he complained about them using MY recipe?"
For context, I (FtM 30) LOVE to cook. I love finding recipes to try as well as just throwing things together and tweeking it until it's right. A lot of my friends actually have notebooks JUST for my recipes as well as how they changed it to either fit their tastes, diet requirements, what they had on hand, etc.
Basically, we just swap notes and pictures of finished meals back and forth as often as possible. (Everyone says my specialty is pasta dishes; relevant to post.) A little over a year ago, I met someone (enby 29) who loved cooking and kitchen experiments as much as I do!
We quickly became best friends and most of our message logs are just food pics and the recipe used or talking about what we got on sale at various markets. They sadly moved across the country to be with their fiancé a couple months later so we try to call/face-time as often as possible.
Their fiancé (M28) and I exchange messages once in a while as he also likes to cook. But it's clear we're simply polite and civil. No dislike of each other but simply put: We're not "friend material."
A few days ago, my friend messaged me and asked "How can I get rid of a pack of bacon, half a box of pasta, various peppers, and several partial bags of pre-shredded cheese before they expire?" I asked for specifics (brands, types, amounts of each thing) and whipped up a quick cheesy pasta pan-made dish.
I then took notes for cooking times as well as which seasonings/amounts I used and left it at that. As always, I added the disclaimer of "Of course, do what you want with it. This is just the basic outcome of ingredients listed."
Tonight, my friend face-timed me as they made the recipe and showed me what they added to it in addition to the basics and the call lasted until they were about to sit down to eat. They were over the moon excited to show me as "I am the God of pasta so my approval means a lot."
However, the conversation got derailed when the fiancé LOUDLY expressed his annoyance of eating cheese "for the third time this week!" and refused to eat even a single bite.
My friend, clearly hurt, argued that 1) The cheese was going to expire so HAD to be used, 2) He knew what they were making and said it sounded good, 3) Could have asked the cheese NOT be added to the main dish, and 4) Could have cooked his own meal. The call cut off at that point.
A couple hours later, my friend texted me to apologize for their fiancé's behavior and to tell me that they as well as their coworkers LOVED the meal. (After the fight, my friend took the meal to a coworkers house to get space.)
A few minutes after that, the fiancé called me and I answered; figuring he was going to apologize like any sane person would. Instead, he proceeded to chew me out and say how sick he was of eating cheese. I let him have his say for about 30 seconds and simply told him to "F all the way off!" He hung up and that was that. My friend says I did the right thing.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
A_Classy_Ghost said:
Your friend was right. NTA, that guy has issues. As if you controlled his damn diet!
getstrongandlean said:
NTA If he wanted a dish without cheese he could have cooked for himself.
Regular-Tell-108 said:
NTA. You are being the help your friend requested. This man’s issues are not your problem.
StormCloudRaineeDay said:
NTA, This is an issue between your friend and their fiancé, it has nothing to do with you. He was an AH for blaming you.
bmw5986 said:
NTA. He called you to verbally attack you for what? Not reading his mind? His mouth clearly works, so he could easily have communicated with his fiance. I hope for your friends sake that this is extremely unusual behavior for him. He owes you both a massive apology.
StragglingShadow said:
NTA. What maniac complains about eating "too much" cheese (no such thing. The sentiment that you can have too much cheese, alone, is blasphemy.)