'AITA for telling my older sister that I don't want to babysit her anymore?' 'She just sits in her bed all day.'

"AITA for telling my older sister that I don't want to babysit her anymore?"

So I (F18) have a sister (21). Four years ago she started to have issues with her thyroid. I dont know the details, but I know that she often passed out in school, as a result of her medical condition. She developed a deep depression and even when her condition got better after a surgery her depression remained. Even when she got a therapist.

She graduated in 2023 and has been at home ever since. She doesnt work and doesnt seek further education. She just sits in her bed all day. She also refuses to do any chores, except for feeding some of our pets.

I graduated in July 2024. I am also still at home, but I work a part-time job and I am studying to get my drivers lisence. I plan on going to university in late spring. But even with my jobs, I spend more time at home than I used to.

That's why I took over most of the chores. My father works full-time and doesn't come home before 7pm. My mother used to work full-time, but now reduced her hours to help out with my sister.

I also have to take care of her. I have to get her to wake up (that sometimes takes 2-3h), I have to make sure that she eats properly, I try to motivate her to do at least some chores and I have to check on her frequently.

She also tries to get my attention for hours by stealing my things and running off, by jumping on my bed and refusing to leave, by smearing my door with soap and toothpaste, by waking up my hamster, etc. I normally react to all that calmly, because I know how she really feels.

But I started to get more angry with time, because it's just incredibly childish and I don't know how to stop her. She also doesnt leave the house alone. When she wants to go shopping, I have to go with her and she constantly begs for me to do things with her. Most of the times I give in.

Her depression is very predictable. A few weeks everything goes great and then after some time (mostly before doctors appointments/ meetings with her therapist) she has a break down.

She was sent to two clinics for that, and when it happened again a week ago, she was sent to a third. Monday she got in, and Tuesday she was in tears, already demanding to leave. Not a week later, they are legally not allowed to keep her any longer.

This happened before. She shows everyone how bad she has it, then everyone moves the earth and sun for her to get proper help and then she refuses to get any help, and just demands to leave as soon as possible.

My mom and I have to pick her up today from the last clinic. She called me earlier telling me the news. And I told her that I don't support her decision and that her behavior is unfair for anyone who worries about her and tries to help her.

She tells me that this time it wont be like the other times, but she promised that multiple times already and the next time she won't get into a better clinic. We got into an argument and a few minutes in I got really angry and told her that I don't want to babysit her anymore. Now she's calling me an a-hole. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Worth-Season3645 said:

NTA…if your sister has the energy and determination to do the things to you that you described, she is using her condition, not managing it. If all those enabling her continue to do so, she will never be more or do more than what she does now. 2-3 hours to wake her up? Stop. She does not work. She does nothing. Why should you even bother to try and wake her up?

Stop doing things for her/with her. If she wants to go shopping, she can beg until the moon comes up. Find ways to tune her out, leave the house, put headphones on. Get a lock for your door.

The smearing of things in your space? Oh no. There would be heck to pay. I know you probably cannot move out yet, so you have to set your boundaries and stick to them.

similar_name4489 said:

NTA honestly, you should stop babysitting her. You should not be responsible for her at all, before you go off to university I would recommend trying to get more working hours.

Like, if she has enough energy/will to be an annoyance - playing keep away, smearing toothpaste on doors, messing with your hamster, etc, and only getting worse before professionals have a look at her…

Sounds a lot less like she has an issue and more that she had an issue, did get depressed, but liked being catered to and is now self-sabotaging/enfeebling herself. It can be easy to get into that rut and stay there rather than pull yourself out. Your parents can support her as much as they like, though they shouldn’t, but you should pull away now. This is the opportunity to do so.

Frankly, you need to plan long term to not be put into a position by her or by your parents to become her caretaker. This means you should figure out your finances - work as much as you can, when you can.

No-Appointment5651 said:

Nta. Would you be able to put a lock on your bedroom door to help minimize any damage she might cause?

AnonAnontheAnony said:

NTA - You are your own person, and as painful as it might be to your family, if you do not want to be obligated to help sister anymore, that's your choice as an adult. But also, so are the consequences and potential fallout from your family responding to it to.

Your not obligated to be part of your sister's care team as much as she wouldn't be for you, but sometimes you do things for famiy out of love, not because you "have to." That said, you clearly care for her, but not everyone can be a caretaker for family, you have your own life to live.

OhmsWay-71 said:

NTA. She is an adult, so she is free to make her own choices, but also old enough to suffer those consequences. If she is refusing the help, you are perfectly within your right to also refuse to help. Your help can be conditional to her helping herself. Stick to it and let her feel what being self centered and selfish feel like.

cijahh said:

NTA. It seems like you want to be there for your sister. It has just gotten too much. Try to distance yourself a little. It's not wrong to think about yourself and your wellbeing. Soon you will be out and about with your own life anyway.

sneerfuldawn said:

NTA. Her crisis is not your crisis. I feel for her, but she isn't your responsibility and you can't and shouldn't plan your life around her. You can support her without taking care of her. You need to think about what you are willing to do and hold firm on that with her and your parents.