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Woman tells her parents about pregnancy but refuses to let husband tell his. AITA?

Woman tells her parents about pregnancy but refuses to let husband tell his. AITA?

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"AITA the telling my parents about my pregnancy but insisting my in laws don’t know until later?"

Own-Story-2248

I F26 married my husband M29 two years ago. We have discussed our desire to have children early on in our marriage. I also asked him if I ever got pregnant I wouldn’t want to tell anyone until my first scan of 12 weeks as I know there is a high risk for things to “go wrong” and I am a high risk patient as it is of which he agreed.

Fast forward to last week when I discovered I was pregnant. I currently live with my in laws and due to my symptoms it’s been very difficult to hide. My husband could see that I was struggling and suggested I tell my parents so I can seek advice and guidance.

I told my parents who were over the moon and recorded their reaction. I showed my husband the recording and now he wants to tell his parents. I told him that what we discussed still stood and the only reason I told my parents was for advice. He ended up saying fine and we’ll tell them after the scan but since that conversation I feel he’s been difficult.

For example, we have been invited to a family gathering of 100 people of which I told him I didn’t want to go in case I become ill. He was responding back saying “how can I explain that you can’t go to my parents without a reasonable explanation”.

I feel guilty that he is struggling not telling his parents as they are incredibly close however it is known (and has been demonstrated from previous experience) that big news isn’t kept a secret and tends to spread like wildfire. Am I the ahole for insisting his parents don’t find out until later on or shall I just tell them to keep the peace/ stop this from stressing me out?

Edit: it has been highlighted to me that I need to clarify some points. I have every intention to tell his parents, but I will tell them in 4 weeks time when the risk of miscarriage is lower.

Also, it’s not that I want to avoid telling them altogether, it that I don’t want news to be spread without my consent. I do not trust that this will be the case as we have previously shared news with them to not tell and it was spread anyway. My worry is if people find out and something goes wrong, it will affect both my husband and I mentally.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

Old_Inevitable8553

Kinda YTA. It doesn't really matter why you told your parents. The fact remains that you told them first and are now insisting on keeping your in-laws in the dark. Which isn't fair in the long run and will have consequences at some point.

Plus, it isn't fair to your husband. You might be carrying the baby but he's the father. He has a stake in this too. So he should be able to share the news just like you were able to.

Whorible_wife69

He's the one who suggested that she tell her parents for advice. She wasn't planning on it.

Lulubelle__007

YTA. You don’t want to tell the people you live with but somehow think they won’t work it out? You live in their house but don’t want to tell them yet you told your parents. You want to avoid certain things like family events but don’t want people to know why and want your husband to lie for you.

You told your parents to get support and they are being supportive yet you want to deny your husband that same support. You recorded their reaction and showed it to your husband yet don’t see why he wants to tell his parents too.

That alone makes me side eye you- it sounds like you want all the happy stuff and the public videos, etc but want your husband to squash down his own joy or fears and leave his parents out.

You don’t mention your in laws being unkind and you are living in their home and clearly your husband isn’t happy with you moving the goalposts. Frankly at this point you should come clean to the people you live with.

Put boundaries on them, state that they mustn’t tell anyone until the scan because of what might happen etc but since you recorded your parents reactions, it doesn’t seem fair to leave out the people who are letting you live in their home. Recording a video doesn’t seem like the act of someone wanting secrecy. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Flameknightinferno

Yta. The common reason to keep that hidden and why many my wife and I included DONT tell people early is so you dont have to tell them if tragedy strikes. You already did all the things that rule is meant to avoid by telling you parents and letting them do entire recordings and celebrations.

So now there is no real reason to bar your spouse from telling his family especially if you live with them. This child is not just your child it is a child shared by both of you and a member of both families not just yours.

Mental_Doughnut5262

How do you think this is going to go over? Your living with them, which means your dependent on them, but yet won’t share that your pregnant.

Not to mention, if you plan to bring another person in someone’s home you need to tell them, so they can decide if they want you there or not. If be pretty pissed if i wasn’t aloud to tell my parents about MY child too, but my spouses parents got to know.

Right_Count

Gently, yes, YTA. If he just wanted to tell a buddy or something then I’d be more on your side, but he wants to tell his parents. Whom you live with. After you told yours and made a big deal about telling them.

And you’re getting your husband to lie to cover for your symptoms which are only going to get worse. You’ve kind of lost the high ground, you know? Also, he is going through this with you. No, he’s not the pregnant one, but he may still want to talk about it with someone for support and guidance.

I don’t think there’s a perfect solution here, there is certainly a risk that telling your in-laws will cause the word to get out. You CAN stick to your guns, but it’s not really fair to him. Hopefully you two can talk it out and find a reasonable path forward.

Maybe that’s something like delaying until after the family gathering, or telling the more trustworthy one of the two parents, or moving out so it’s less tempting for your husband.

So, if you could give the OP any advice here, what would you say? Do you think she is in the wrong?

Sources: Reddit
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