'AITA for telling my parents I don't want to invite my stepbrother's new girlfriend to my wedding?'

"AITA for telling my parents I don't want to invite my stepbrother's new girlfriend to my wedding?"

I am getting married in a little over a month, my stepbrother has just started dating someone new recently that my fiance and I have never met and my mom asked me and my fiance to invite her to the wedding, we don't want to for these reasons:

Our guest list is small (under 80) and we BOTH know every single person coming except for 3 family members. We'd rather not have someone we don't know and doesn't know us there.

We didn't give other guests +1's either, if people are coming together it's because we know them and invited them both. I've only had two others ask about bringing an SO and I said no and that was that.

I am not close with my stepbrother either, we became stepsiblings in hs. My mom asked us about it about a week ago, we made it clear we didn't really want to and told her we'd let her know.

There must have been some miscommunication because my stepdad sent us in a groupchat a photo of my mom, him, stepbro and stepbro gf:
Me: "Is that [stepbro]'s girlfriend?"
Stepdad: "Yes, she's coming to your wedding."
Me: "What?"

Stepdad: "With [stepbro]."
Me: "Since when"
Stepdad: "Since you invited us, Pinhead."
Fiance: "[OP mom] asked us about it when we saw her last but we hadn't said yes or no, to be honest both of us were more on the fence of not wanting our wedding to be the first time we're meeting someone"

Stepdad: "You're right. We don't feel like meeting anybody we don't really know either, so we'll stay home."
Fiance: "You're not getting married? It just seems super odd to meet someone for the first time ever on the most personal day of your life lol"

Fiance: "It's not that we don't want to meet her I'm sure she's lovely but [OP] is already so incredibly nervous to read vows and do the whole thing in front of all the people she DOES know."

My fiance then suggested possibly inviting her for the reception, my stepdad never answered and blew up on my mom, yelling at her that him and his kids (step bro + 2x stepsis) aren't coming to the wedding and telling her to f off.

My mom is an absolute wreck and is now messaging me begging me to make an exception and to just say yes and saying that the alternative is her coming alone. I told her if he's willing to not come to my wedding over a brand new girlfriend not being able to come that's super hurtful. Are we the aholes here or is it reasonable for us to stand our ground on this?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

GothPenguin said:

The man tells you what is happening not asks for permission, alters your guest list, acts like a child and expects things to his way because “Big Daddy” has spoken. Stop acting like children yourselves by not bring clearer before this. Step brother’s girlfriend is not invited. That will not change. If mom chooses to come alone that’s on her not you. NTA.

Secret_Double_9239 said:

NTA if that’s how stepdad reacts then I hope your mom leaves. He’s trying to put a wedge in that relationship.

kurokomainu said:

NTA. Stepdad's behavior was way out of bounds, from start to finish. Whatever you might have decided before, you definitely shouldn't be sending the message that him flying off the handle and being aggressively demanding and verbally abusive gets him what he wants.

I'd tell him that unless he apologizes and makes things right his invitation is rescinded. None of you, including your mother, deserve the way he acted. Also, he needs to know for the future that behavior like that from him is the fastest way for him to make sure that he will absolutely not get what he wants when it is anything under your control.

Your mother shouldn't be trying to pressure you into appeasing him either. And it would not be a good thing giving in for her sake -- all you'd be doing is teaching him that pressuring her and stressing her out is the way to get at you.

Grouchy-Equipment-71 said:

YTA if you go along with this circus. Your mom married a psycho who has controlling tendencies. Well that’s her bed she needs to lay in, not yours. His demented energy can stay far away from your new beginning. Idk why people make others events about themselves. Gross.

Junifox- said:

NTA stepdad sounds controlling and emotionally abusive.

Jazzlike-Bird-3192 said:

NTA. Your stepfather sounds atrocious. Send a message thanking him for his attempt to force you into inviting extra people you do not know to your wedding, but you will not be changing your minds. You hope he enjoys the day elsewhere.