'AITA for telling my parents that I will 'take them to the cleaners?'' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my parents that I will 'take them to the cleaners?'"
The people I will mention in this are my mum, Jen - 50, my step-dad, Brian - 56, my brother, Tom - 23, and my sister, Ruth - 26. For background, Jen and Brian have been together since I was 11.
Well, I say that, but 11 is the age I became aware of their relationship as she asked if we would be okay with him moving into the family home. Prior to this, she never mentioned dating anyone and we had never spent any time with Brian. None of our other immediate relatives ever mentioned him to us, either.
The day Jen asked us, Ruth was sat next to me and asked to be excused to her bedroom. Tom was not home to have an input. I was stuck by myself with Jen, who did not seem to understand how she completely blindsided us.
She had no interest in answering my question about why she had not told us. Her only interest was knowing if we accepted this stranger moving in. Brian moved in the following week.
After Brian moved in, there were several times where both he and Jen threatened to move away without me, Tom and Ruth. They would say “If you don’t like it we (they) will get a new house and start over”. This threat could be in relation to something like Brian telling me I shouldn’t be anywhere in the house except for my bedroom and me standing up for myself.
I used to get called “stupid” by Brian a lot. If I did something he didn’t like, such as finish my homework before going to dinner, he would say “only someone this stupid wouldn’t think to eat first.”
Any grievance I had with Brian was never acknowledged by Jen. If I raised an issue with her she would deflect and change the subject. Brian would cause a lot of problems knowing that there were no consequences for him.
Brian never concealed the fact that he wanted Jen and only Jen. We were her “baggage” that he only had to put up with for so many more years. Tom, Ruth and I were no longer taken on “family holidays”.
The last one we got to go on was when I was my Godmother’s bridesmaid and she had a destination wedding. I was 10. Jen and Brian would go on 3 holidays a year without us.
Living under that roof was the loneliest I had ever felt. The second I became of age, I bought my first apartment and moved on. No more Brian, no more Jen. Tom and Ruth wanted to come with me but Jen wouldn’t allow it, and honestly, I don’t know how I was to fight for them.
I was working long shifts, sometimes nights. Though Ruth was a year younger than me, Tom was not. I doubt a court would appoint a fresh 18 year old as their guardian with Jen in the picture.
One thing I did leave in Jen’s care was my valuable book collection. I won’t disclose exactly how much it is worth, but it is in the 7 figure range. Some of these books were my inheritance.
I was always told that they are to be looked after, never to be played with, and has to be stored correctly. I couldn’t do that in my apartment so Jen continued to keep them for me. I had no reason to distrust her with them.
Earlier today, I called Tom as I was traveling home from seeing a friend. Tom mentioned that he had gone to Jen’s house to collect some things. Because he was there, I asked Tom to find out if Jen had managed to get the remainder of my books authenticated - She and I had spoken about doing so a few weeks prior.
Tom asked Brian about my books, and then Brian laughed and said “What books? My books?”. Tom said “No, her books that you have been looking after”. Brian then repeated “My books”. I was listening to this through Tom’s headphones so I told him to get Brian to clarify. Tom asked Brian what he meant by “His books”. Brian said “They’re ours now. We bought them”.
My heart sank the moment I heard him say that. Jen was not home. I tried calling her - no answer. Eventually she called me back a couple of hours later, but not before Brian called me a “pathetic liar”, and also spoke ill of Ruth and made claim to her books - which she had in fact sold years ago, still insisting mine were also his property.
To confirm, I never sold anyone a single book. They did not buy me any books. All the books in my collection are to be sold at a future date or passed down to my children. Brian and Jen never gave me a single penny so I can confirm this is not the case.
Jen was unwilling to confront him about it. I am not allowing them to steal part of my children’s inheritance. Jen agreed that she never bought my books, but Brian refuses to give them back to me.
I told Jen that her inadequacy as a parent, failure to reprimand Brian over the years, and her lack of love for her own children has meant this moment was a long time coming. I said something along the lines of “You neglected me. You allowed him to take my happiness away for years.
You let him walk all over me… I will not let you steal from my children… If this is how it has to be, I will take you to the cleaners... I will report you both for theft, I will sue you for everything I can, I will cut you out of my life again. You mean nothing to me.”
I am not in need of legal advice on this - I have a Lawyer, I just to know if I was out-of-line for what I said to Jen? I was very emotional at the time. Thank you if you read all of this!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I don't think you were out of line - they were sucky parents. You told the truth.
I have to ask though - is it documented that the books were left directly to you? Do you have a copy?
(OP)
I do. I have payment receipts for the authentications as I have to send them abroad to get them done. I keep a spreadsheet so I can update it. Everything has been paid for by me and I can prove my ownership. I also have messages from Jen where we discuss my collection (including the number of books, their names, value, etc).
NTA, make that police report and ask your lawyer to do something to stop him getting rid of them as he sounds vindictive. Do it now, not tomorrow. Take them to the cleaners and them some. Update me.
I would take the documents to the police station and ask them to provide an escort while you get your property back from your previous home. Don’t give any warning that you are going to do this.
Brian is a low life and your mother is a doormat. Go ahead and smash them!
Two and a half weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
I am sorry for leaving things so long. I was busy with the situation, then traveling, and I thought it would be best to leave things until it was fully resolved. It has been a little over two weeks but it has felt like an eternity.
I’ll start off by saying there is good news and “bad”news. The good news: I got my books back - All of them. Unscathed. They are physically in my possession and will remain in my care indefinitely. The “bad” news: I did not take Jen and Brian to the cleaners.
Ultimately, my goal was to get my books back, no matter the route I had to take to do so. I’m sure you’ll mostly agree that it was a good outcome either-way, even if I am not suing my parents.
I’ll keep the rest of this as brief as possible.
After speaking with Tom, I had already contact my Lawyer to set things in motion. They had advised that they would contact Jen and Brian as a matter of urgency.
Not long after speaking with me, Jen had contacted Ruth to try and convince her to get me to speak with her. It was only going to be her attempt to get me to back-down. I do not bluff. She knows this.
Ruth said she told Jen that she hopes I do follow through with things, and then she ended the call. Jen tried to call back, Ruth ignored her. Then it was Tom’s turn. Jen tried to get Tom to talk to me and Ruth. Jen was still in agreement that my books were mine, but Brian still was not having any of it and Jen was not putting him in his place.
Tom said he agreed with what I was doing. I was told that Brian was shouting obscenities about me in the background. Things like “Ungrateful b*tch”. You get the picture. Tom told me they deserve it and so much more.
My Lawyer had contacted them on my behalf two days later. All contact with me was to go through the firm from then on. This is what Jen told me happened after they were contacted as I was packing up (It was a one-sided discussion):
She told Brian that he needed to stop trying to claim my books. If he was intent on keeping them, he needed to make me an offer of their current value +30%, but if I said “no”, it means no. How honourable of her.
Brian was still adamant he didn’t need to offer me anything because the books already belong to them and I won’t be getting anything. He also did not seem to think that I would win a legal battle against them, despite Jen confirming I had everything that meant they were guaranteed to lose.
A couple more days later, My Lawyer said that Jen reached out to them on her own, and said that she wanted me to retrieve all of my books. I had already made them aware that Brian was an issue because of his presence at the family home, but she assured them that he would be gone for the whole day (out of our City).
Some days ago, I arranged for suitable transportation for the books to my house. A few days ago, I went to collect the books. When I got to the family home, Brian’s car was not in the garage or front patio, which they always are whenever he is home, so I proceeded into the house.
I know he would have tried to provoke me, even though I am not a violent person, because he wants to have a way to make me squirm. I walked right past Jen and went to where the books were (Brian has never been granted access by Jen so they were perfectly secure), and I loaded them all into the van. It took a while.
Brian won’t notice they’re gone because he has never been able to get into that room and Jen probably won’t say anything. Even if she does, neither of them know my address.
Jen was talking to me throughout, trying to get me to sit with her to speak like adults. She was saying cliché things like she regrets how she treated me and blah, blah, blah.
If she had said all of this years ago, maybe I would have listened, but even now I had to retrieve my own possessions in secret because she couldn’t stand up for me as she should have. Words are empty.
I did not say a word the entire time. My Lawyer said everything that needed to be said, including that as long as Jen and Brian do not try to falsely make claim to my books, the matter was resolved once they were returned to my custody.
Once I finished loading everything, I returned my keys to the family home. Jen tried to convince me to keep them, but I have no intent of returning there. The truth is that place stopped being the family home the day Brian moved in. I have zero happy memories of it. My old room makes me sad to think about because it is a constant reminder that it was the only place I was “permitted” to be.
Even writing this hurts. I needed my parent to look out for me. She failed in all other aspects apart from these books. I wish Jen had loved me like a parent should. But yes, I have my books back - That’s a good outcome. Thank you for the earlier support on the previous post. That is all from me.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I'm glad you got your books and I hope you are able to take the time to properly grieve your relationship with Jen.
Jen sounds like a real peach. Just rolled over for her husband no matter what he does to her kids.
Imagine someone marrying you for your books!
I'm kinda surprised OP didn’t try and get the rest of her families books out at the same time. Still considering how casually those books were mentioned with multiple sets of them in the house, I suspect this can be used as evidence that money can't buy class.
God, I hate parents like that. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP’s mom would still try to manipulate her even to the bitter end.