'AITA for telling my parents I’m NOT the backup child and REFUSING to take over my brother’s future?'
"AITA for telling my parents I’m NOT the backup child and REFUSING to take over my brother’s future?"
So I (16M) have an older brother (19M) who was like the golden child growing up. Straight A’s, varsity, honor roll, all that stuff. My parents basically shaped their whole lives around his success, college savings, private tutors, weekend review centers, all of it. Then… he crashed and burned.
Got a girl pregnant, dropped out, and now he’s working random jobs and living back at home. It sucks, yeah, but like...I get it, life happens. But ever since then, my parents have started shoving all their expectations on me. Suddenly I’m being told I need to take nursing “because it’s safe” even though I’ve said a million times I wanna do something in media or design.
They pulled me out of the art elective I LOVED and now I’m doing advanced science I didn’t even sign up for. Last week, they said they were “reallocating” my kuya’s unused college funds to put ME through the same school THEY picked for him.
Not asking me. Just straight up told me: “You’re our only shot now. You have to make it.” I SNAPPED. I said, “I’m not your second chance. I’m your son, not your backup plan.” My mom started crying.
My dad got quiet and said I was “being ungrateful” and that I “should feel lucky” they’re even trying to help. Now the house is super tense and my kuya texted me like “Bro, just do what they say. You’ll thank them later.” But I don’t want their version of my future. I just want to live my OWN. AITA for rejecting the life they planned for me even though they’re “just trying to help” after everything fell apart?
The internet had OP's back all the way.
Melodic-Skin9045 wrote:
NTA. No idea where you are at or how difficult it is to get into a college or what the job prospects are in media. Take a hard look at the last one because many students in the US took out huge loans for careers that are just not there.
Either_Management13 wrote:
I’m curious, are they expecting you to support them as they get older? Because that’s what this sounds like to me. I don’t know your culture but if that’s the case it sounds like it really is a backup plan to have you get what they think is a good job so you can support the . With respect to classes, is there a school counselor you can talk with and find out if they can in fact change which classes you take?
Are you able to go to school without their financial support when you reach age for uni? If so, work with a school counselor to apply for loans and take the classes that will support that. If not, you may have to wait until you’re a legal adult in your country and leave, then find a way to pay for your own education.
emkemkem wrote:
Your brother crashed and burned very probably because of all the high expectations he got so so tired of. Now your parent’s are loading all of it on you. They’ve learned nothing. Giving support, help and financing studies is something you can and should be grateful for.
But this seems to be them controlling your life and burdening you to be their trophy they’ll be presenting as their own success. That’s selfish from them. Are they even going to be happy for you or are they seeing it as your duty to make them happy? They are telling you that they own you and you are their extension, not granted the right to lead a life of your own.
ObeseVegetable wrote:
NAH. Realistically your parents want you to succeed. And you rightfully want to be happy. An unfortunate truth in the world though is that many creatives end up broke and too stressed about money to enjoy their craft. Or even start to resent their craft because it doesn’t bring them the success they want from it.
Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. But having a nursing degree will open far more doors than a creative one. A nursing degree makes you hirable immediately. A creative degree isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on without a portfolio of really good work which would stand up on its own without a degree, too.
Maybe you have that, maybe you don’t. And this may sound harsh but it’s the reality. You should definitely pursue your dreams. Don’t get me wrong here. But also think about being able to stand on your own feet while you do it. Your brother couldn’t stand on his own feet either and he’s not even going the creative path.
Professional-Duck927 wrote:
NTA. They are only trying to force this all on you now that their 'golden child' pissed on their plans.
If it wasn't for that, then they would've kept acting as though you didn't matter as much as their golden child.
Yongwha101 wrote:
As a fellow Filipino, I can understand why your parents are the way they are and you're NTA for reacting the way you did. Your brother's situation is also very understandable.
I'm not sure if you're in the Phils currently or if you're a disapora Pinoy but from what I'm reading from the comments, media is apparently not currently stable so please make sure you have something to fall back on if that doesn't work out for you. Work for your goals but also make sure you are realistic about them.