'AITA for telling my parents I refuse to be their practice kid anymore?' 'I'm truly SO done.'

"AITA for telling my parents I refuse to be their practice kid anymore?"

I (18m) am the oldest of my parents five children. There's me, brother (13m), sister (12f), sister (10f) and brother (7m). My parents never treated me that great and the older I got, the worse it seemed to get. But I noticed as my siblings got older it was different and they were night and day different with me.

I wasn't allowed to spend a lot of time with friends as a kid. My parents said there was no way they'd do all that and I should be home. But my siblings from age 5 could go to friends houses and from age 4 if the friend lived in our neighborhood. When I asked my parents about it both times they told me that I was their practice and they didn't want all their kids to whine into their face about missing out.

My parents had the rule with me that you eat everything off your plate or it either gets saved for next time or you don't get to leave the table. When I say everything I mean clear your plate everything.

So if I was full and left say three peas or something, I was forced to stay and finish or they'd be taken aside and served to me next time. Not with my siblings. And when I asked my parents about that they said they learned from me.

The next thing was grades. My parents were always super pissed off and angry when I got less than As. Even if it was a B and everyone in my class got a B because the test was especially hard, it didn't change my parents stance. I was grounded for Bs, I was forced to do extra chores for a month, I was left out of stuff.

But my siblings could get Cs and Ds and it didn't change anything. This was another thing I brought up to my parents and by that point they were tired of me asking why things were different and they told me I was their practice run and they learned from things with me.

And like, I know people learn from parenting as they go. But they learned with me and gave the benefits to my siblings. I saw none. They were never nicer, or let up on me. They didn't apologize for being hard on me or for yelling at me almost all the time.

Nothing like that happened and there are multiple other ways they were different between me and my siblings. Expectations for chores were way higher with me always, birthday and Christmas gifts were way different and noticeably so...

....to make both sides of the family question what they gave me because it seemed so little compared to my younger siblings and it wasn't that mine was more expensive, it was always the opposite.

There was also really strict times set for me. I wasn't allowed out past 4pm during summer even in my teens. I wasn't allowed to attend certain birthday parties. Just so much stuff.

My parents got annoyed over a year ago my guidance counselor asked about any financial help I'd get with college and wanted to know if they had saved for me or anything. The way they reacted, it just pissed me off and I know they save for my siblings, so it was when I knew I was done.

I kept my head down for a year and I left. I graduated last month and I didn't let my parents come. My siblings weren't there either. But my parents expected tickets and instead of claiming some for them I got them for my grandparents instead. My parents were angry and confronted me on it. I had already moved out of their house and I live with my paternal grandparents right now.

I told my parents I was done being their practice kid and I refuse to keep it up anymore. I said they can mess up with my siblings and learn to live with it because I'm not here to be a punching bag while they get the best versions. My parents accused me of all kinds of things, called me all kinds of things. But I'm truly so done. Does that make me TA? Especially where my siblings are involved? That's why I'm asking here.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

verdeville said:

NTA. You're a kid and you've been scapegoated by your parents for a long time. I can't imagine how much it would hurt to have such frequent reminders that your parents suck.

You reached a breaking point, and breaking points are rarely graceful or pretty. Focus on you. Get yourself in a good headspace and work on your future. Find supports outside your family and live your best life: I'm rooting for you. I wonder if op was an unplanned whoops baby? It almost sounds like they have punished him his whole life without any cause except that they didn’t want him from day one.

ZinniaMusex said:

NTA. They used you like a test dummy and never gave you the same love or grace they give your siblings, so cutting them off is just protecting yourself.

xraymom77 said:

Nope not TA and its good you moved out of that toxic environment. I truly don't understand why they didnt eventually let up on you and tell you something positive Certainly not fair, and imo mentally abusive. Hope your grandparents are doing right by you and that you get yourself on firm footing, setting up your future.

jellyy_beans said:

NTA, as a fellow eldest child I understand you, this made me so mad fr.

Tetsuyawn said:

NTA. Yikes. Im glad you moved out from that.

nitro1432 said:

NTA. I get being the “practice kid” or in my case the guinea pig as my dad like to say, but once they realize one thing isn’t working and they need to adjust that means they need to adjust with you, also not continue down the same path with you and a different one for your siblings. I’m glad you have somewhere else to live, what do your grandparents think of the situation?

kmru_ said:

NTA, I’m sorry they were such aholes to you OP. Hoping you can build a happy life and fulfilling family away from these people, and at least you know that they can’t reap the rewards of any joys you have in the future.