'AITA for telling my partner I'm tired of pausing my life for his video games?'
"AITA for telling my partner I'm tired of pausing my life for his video games?"
For context: I (F21), and my s/o (M24) have been dating for almost 2 years now. When him and I first met, him and I both worked a lot, and he was newer to town - so he wasn't playing his video games as often. He'd play if I was at school or working. Fast forward 6-7 months him and I are living together.
Currently, he has been playing at least 8 hours a day, and we very rarely go to bed together anymore. Our intimate life is lacking and I honestly feel neglected, emotionally.
There has been multiple times in the last month that he has been completely clueless of something I KNOW I have spoken to him about, and he'll blame it on "selective hearing."
Honestly, I feel that his actions recently have been inexcusable. I work full-time, and am in nursing school, he finished school and today and has yet to find a job. My final straw though was about two-weeks ago, I'm on my way home from a 14 hours shift, I don't want to cook, I just want to relax and spend some time with my man.
I call him asking if he's ate, and if he's hungry, he states that he hasn't ate but that he is hungry. I then tell him that I am on my way and will pick him up from home so we can go have dinner. He responds, "but I'm playing games with the boys." Fast forward I come home after eating dinner and having a drink alone, and there he is playing World of War craft.
I let out a sigh and go into my bedroom where our basket of clean laundry was placed onto the bed, and was unfolded. I fold and put laundry away, proceed to shower and lay down. He wakes me up 45 minutes later asking what were doing for dinner.
I freaked out on him, telling him he's an adult and he can figure it out himself, and that I'm tired of pausing my life so he can live out some fantasy BS on a p.c. I think the thing that's frustrating me is that he's shown me he can be better than this. Do I continue to ride it out and home that this is just his way of maladaptively coping with being jobless, or do I present an ultimatum?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
daytimedeity said:
NTA. The best thing you can do for yourself is end this relationship, OP. I know it's difficult to do, but this situation will only get worse if you don't. He's taking advantage of you and you're burning yourself out by pouring effort into a relationship that you're getting nothing from in return.
You wouldn't pour water into a glass with a hole in the bottom, watch the water leak out, and then try to drink from the empty glass. So why would you pour your love into a man who doesn't care, watch him be selfish/take you for granted, and still hope to get anything out of this relationship. For your own mental and emotional well-being, you need to leave this man.
Succubus_janus said:
NTA tell him to step up or get out. You deserve better and you cannot love someone into loving themselves more.
Itchy_Juice_2528 said:
NTA. You put him out. Living together is a trial run and now you know what life will be like with this guy. He's not partner material. His priorities are totally out of whack. He doesn't listen to you. He won't look for work. He's not contributing to the household chores - why would you continue living with this?
GrigorMorte said:
That's too much gaming... It can be an addiction. You have to clearly speak with him and tell him how you feel. He needs to reduce those hours and do something! Change priorities, If not, it means he's not ready for a relationship. NTA.
Living_Area5201 said:
He woke you up...asking about dinner? With food in the house, presumably. Yet...He...woke...you...up?
Succubus_janus said:
NTA tell him to step up or get out. You deserve better and you cannot love someone into loving themselves more
musicallykairi said:
You're not his wife, you're his mommy. Run as fast and as hard as you can.