'AITA for telling people that my wife and I are planning to get divorced?'
"AITA for telling people that my wife and I are planning to get divorced?"
After a tumultuous year, my wife (32F) told me (34M) she'd like to seperate, and I agreed with her. She told me she wanted me out of her life as soon as possible so that she could move on, but we have a shared apartment so she'd like me to move out full time.
For the last six months, I've been living sometimes in my office to give her and I some space. I always imagined that this would be temporary until we solved things, but now that we are no longer together, I don't feel bound to her anymore and thought that I should try and do what's best for myself.
That means using the kitchen, shower, and bed in our apartment. It wasn't great having to live on takeout and sleeping on the couch here in the office for months on end. She said that this gave her a lot of anxiety and that she would contact her parents (who are leasing the apartment to her) to throw me out, and that she'd say whatever it took to get them to do that.
I went immediately to her parents to seek reassurances that this wouldn't happen. I later found out that this is illegal. When I showed her the law, she said my reading comprehension sucked and that even if it was illegal she'd just get me deported since my visa application hasn't been finalized yet.
Since then, I've made arrangements to stay with my parents in the states, travel around Germany to see the friends I met here one last time, found a lawyer, tried a support group, and generally have just attempted to move on.
It's been difficult though, because she keeps messaging me telling me about how she isn't feeling well, and that she secretly didn't want to divorce, but was hoping for a break so that we could see if things got better (in Germany you need to seperate for a year before begining divorce proceedings).
She is also talking now about how things might be better, but that all went out the window when she found out that I told our parents. She said that it's simultaneously her right to tell her own parents, and that I shouldn't have told mine because my father is kind of a blabbermouth.
I really wouldn't have said anything to her parents honestly if I wasn't so panicked about being kicked out of our apartment. She doesn't know that I told a bunch of my friends already, so I can only imagine how angry she will be when that happens. So AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
RickyBobby689 said:
You’re getting a divorce. It doesn’t really matter if she is mad at you. Get the paperwork done and move on. NTA.
Tishers said:
NTA. Too bad for her that she couldn't control the narrative and make out that you were the bad person in all of this. That is what it was really about. She wanted to poison the fields of your friends and family before you had a chance to say anything.
Ok_Friend9574 said:
NTA - she's mad because she didn't get to set the narrative about the divorce. I'm sure you would have been the mean and neglectful husband (setting it up by making you stay in the office) who she took her time to try and change the gathered her courage up to leave, and she's just so distraught by the whole thing.
You tried it, it didn't work. She started threating you with eviction and deportation, suddenly she doesn't look like the poor hard done by victim anymore does she. The optics are no longer in her favor.
Quick-Store2989 said:
Nta…When someone threatens to have you deported for dubious reasons their feelings over what’s to come as a consequence is none of your concern.
Open-Incident-3601 said:
NTA. The guy she thought she was leaving you for changed his mind and you’re her fallback plan.