'AITA for telling my recently divorced sister to stop moping?'

"AITA for telling my recently divorced sister to stop moping?'

I (F24) am in a tricky situation with my family, I think Im doing the right thing but everyone's acting like I'm being a villain. I live in a house with my parents and grandma. All of us work full-time, except my grandma who's retired. I pay rent to contribute towards utilities and help my parents with their mortgage payments. I also pay the internet bill, streaming subscriptions and phone bills.

My younger sister "Holly" (F22) moved back into the house around 4 weeks ago. She got pregnant at 16 and at 17 she moved out into her boyfriend's parents' house. They got married as soon as they were both 18 and now have four kids. In the summer, they moved out of his parents' house and into a rental house.

They ended up fighting a lot over disagreements on how the household chores should be split and some various other issues to do with the house. They soon separated and their divorce is in progress. Holly came back here, and her ex moved back in with his parents and took the kids with him. Holly sees them for a few hours on weekends and seems fine with this arrangement (much to my parents' dismay).

I don't have an issue with Holly being here and I know she needed somewhere to stay and her family's support. My issue is that she has spent this whole time moping around the house, scrolling on TikTok all day and going out with friends. She doesn't clean up after herself or help out with any household chores.

She has never had a job (been a SAHM with the kids) and keeps saying she will get one but hasn't even started job-hunting despite me and my brother writing a resumé for her. My parents have been paying for all her expenses. One of my friends is a manager at a cafe and she told me they were hiring and that Holly could get a job there if she's willing to learn how to be a barista.

I told Holly about this and she immediately shut me down and said that she won't work in a cafe because it's "embarrassing" and she doesn't want to work early mornings. This turned into an argument because I couldn't understand why Holly would turn this down and feel like she's just being lazy/picky.

I told Holly she can't just mope around the house all day everyday and she needs to get a job or think about college. Holly told me to f off and that it's her life. My parents got involved and told me that it's not been that long since the separation and that I can't expect Holly to "be happy and normal."

They said that she needs time and that my expectations of her are too high. I think they are being too soft on her and she needs to stop acting like a teenager. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

lovewholly said:

NTA. It’s embarrassing to work at a cafe? What’s embarrassing is being a deadbeat Mom to 4 kids at age 22. Sad that your parents are enabling her - they’re definitely not doing her any favors in the long run. Moving out is your only option.

OrdinaryMajestic4686 said:

NAH? Unfortunately, not your house, not your rules. It doesn't matter whether you think your sister isn't being productive or considerate of everyone else. It's not your house. You live there. But it's not your house. Your parents letting her do whatever she wants at their house is your parents' business.

If your parents want to be financially responsible for her, that's their prerogative. If you want a place where you call the shots, move out. And I think you should move out before your parents force you to be responsible for your sister.

EducationFair said:

NTA, but honestly probably time to spread your wings and move into a place of your own. You are subsidizing her life but your parents see it as their house, their rules. She needs to sort herself out, but why should she? She's got a nice cuddly life where everyone else pays for it.

Considering her unwillingness to help out, or even clean after her messes, or fight for her children I know exactly why her marriage failed. If you have your own place, then your parents can finance her life not on your dime.

Additional_Day949 said:

NTA: now you see why she and husband separated. Seems like his mom was taking care of the kids and the house. I would make clear that your parents need to clean up after her and cover her. Or you need to move out.

Luffysstrawhat said:

NTA. Your sister is showing the entire family why her husband ended things. She's lazy.

wesmorgan1 said:

Decisions about her contribution(s) to the household are your parents' to make, not yours. When they decide she has to start contributing, that's when she'll need to get a job. You aren't her parent. YTA.