'AITA for telling my SIL I’m done taking care of her snake?'
"AITA for telling my SIL I’m done taking care of her snake?"
My SIL, who’s in high school, wanted a snake, but her mom said no, so she asked my husband to co-own one with her. He agreed, and I went along with it since I’ve wanted a snake before. We bought the tank, lights, and bedding, while she got decorative items, and we split the cost of the snake ($200 each). We set up the tank in our spare room.
However, I somehow became the snake’s primary caretaker, even though it wasn’t my idea. My husband’s involvement was minimal—mostly driving with me to get rats (a 30-minute drive) and pre-killing them. I was the only one feeding, cleaning, and handling the snake. SIL would visit occasionally to see the snake, but not often.
After about a year, my SIL said she could take the snake to her career technical school, where she’s in an animal program. So that’s was we did for the rest of junior year and then again when senior year started. I was relieved and drove her and the snake to school whenever needed (a 35-40 minute drive). It felt like a solution, but then winter break came, and the snake came back to my house.
Now I’m pregnant, and our spare room will become the baby’s room. I started asking SIL to take the snake after graduation (about 5+ months away). I told her she’d need to convince her mom to let her keep him or rehome him.
Her response was always the same: she’d come over to care for the snake after getting her license and even suggested having a key to my house. I told her no—that doesn’t solve the problem of the snake taking up space.
When I insisted she figure it out, she became rude, saying “f**k you” and calling me a shitty person for “throwing the snake out.” Then in the same breath she claimed she’s the most mature person in the family.
I tried to give her plenty of time, but she’s not being respectful of the fact that it’s my house, and I no longer want the snake here. If she continues being rude, I plan to give her the $200 she paid and rehome the snake permanently. AITA?
Let me clear a few things. She’s 18 guys. Not some “little kid”. Let me remind you that she said she’s the most mature person in her family (she’s the youngest out of 7 by the way.)
Yes my husband could have helped more but considering he works the most and helps take care of the house and our three cats (cats we’ve had since they were 13 weeks and are now over 5 years old… we love and take care of our pets) I’ve let it slide.
But that wasn’t right of me so I have been conversing with him about it and he regrets not helping with the snake. Guys his tank takes up too much space in a single wide trailer… if I wanted the snake there’s no logical place for him.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Nta. But your husband also needs to be in on this conversation.
I agree but he acts like we can keep the snake but there’s no logical place to put him. We live in a trailer lol…. He’s aware of what me and his sister texted if that’s what you mean.
NTA. Where’s your husband in all of this? Hopefully he’ll take better care of his baby than his snake.
ESH except the snake. A snake is a pet and pets take lots of forethought and planning. It's a commitment to the lifetime of the pet. If you always knew the snake could never stay in the home when you started a family, and SIL could never keep the snake at her house while she's still in high school.
I'm... not sure why there is now a snake in the mix. She's a kid, and while her attitude and cursing at you sucks I'm just not sure this was a good idea to begin with. I get that things change and life happens but I feel as if this was a decision to get a snake just because a teenager was like "yeah, always wanted a snake!" without actually thinking about how much work and care and enthusiasm goes into one.
And everyone just went along with it rather than telling them no and waiting a few years for them to grow up and get one on their own. But hindsight is always 20/20. And lastly, where is the husband in all of this? Are you not at all worried that this lackadaisical attitude to his own pet will translate to his future child?
Husband promised to take care of it. You are pregnant - with a man that can not take responsibility of a snake. Mows the time to practice advocating for how to take responsibility. Because when you have the child you will be at 12 months with the kid and he will have not diapered fed or watched and parented his child.
Use the chore chart now to split household chores ahead of having kiddo. Include the snake in that! This is the least expensive chat you will ever have on splitting chores - what a good moment to have!
What do chores look like now and when kiddo comes - and don’t back down. You became default here - because you weren’t willing to let something happen to the snake. Get it together now for your own sanity!
Your SIL was a minor and therefore could not legally enter into a binding contract. While the idea may have been hers, it’s really your husbands snake since he’s the adult who actually purchased the snake. He shouldn’t have agreed to do so without the understanding that the snake is his responsibility and not counting on a minor.
A pet, any pet, is a lifelong responsibility and shouldn’t have been entered into lightly. Hopefully you can find a good home for the snake with someone who is more responsible in making that choice.