'AITA for telling my sister she can't use my wedding as a platform for her book launch?'
"AITA for Telling My Sister She Can't Use My Wedding as a Platform for Her Book Launch?"
My (28F) wedding is coming up in two months, and my fiancé, Dave (30M), and I are excited to finally get married after being together for seven years. We’ve been planning everything to make sure our day is perfect.
My sister, Emma (26F), is an aspiring author. She’s been working on her first novel for the past few years and recently finished it. While I'm glad she found something she likes, I’m not thrilled with her recent idea.
A few weeks ago, Emma told me she was planning a big book launch. I was excited for her until she said she wanted to do it at my wedding reception. She thought it would be perfect because so many family and friends would be there, and it would save her the cost of planning a separate event.
I was shocked and told her that I didn’t think it was a good idea. Our wedding day is supposed to be about Dave and me, not about promoting her book. I suggested she could hand out invitations for a separate launch party instead. I talked to Dave and even he agreed.
Emma was furious. She accused me of being selfish and not supporting her dreams. She argued that it wouldn’t take much time and would actually add excitement to the event. She even suggested that it could be her wedding gift to us – a way to entertain the guests.At that time I honestly thought that she had some faulty wiring in her brain.
I stood my ground and said no, which led to a huge argument. Now, Emma isn’t speaking to me, and my parents are pressuring me to reconsider. They think it’s a reasonable request and that I should be more accommodating. Well it's nothing new thwy always do that .They say family should support each other and that I’m being too stubborn.
Here's some background: Emma has always been the "golden child" in my parents' eyes. They’ve enabled her for years, letting her live with them rent-free and covering most of her expenses, even though she's never held a job or earned a penny on her own.
She went to an arts college where she discovered her passion for writing. Emma is lucky she can write well, but it’s frustrating to see her get a free pass on everything just because she's the favorite one and can write well.
I'm no saint. During our argument, I said some nasty things and riled her up even more because I was so furious. Years of built-up frustration and feeling second to her just came out all at once. I regret how I handled it now, but I also feel strongly that my wedding day should be about me and Dave.
I've been getting texts every day from my parents...they aren't agressive or anything but today they said that "I'm being a kid ,I was never like this"...How do I tell them that I have always suffered being the obedient matured girl they always had but never valued enough.
I'm furious and writing this as fast as I can do forgive me for any grammatical mistake. I feel conflicted. I want to support my sister just to make things go back to normal but I'm also tired of my family,what do I do how do I handle it? AITA for refusing to let her use my wedding as a platform for her book?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Dailydrinker34 said:
NTA. Hire security. Double check with the vendors even put passwords on your stuff make sure they know there is to be no other event happening and email you the instant someone suggests to them that you said they could do something!
Threaten to uninvite your parents if they don’t back off about this which is YOURS and YOUR FUTURE HUSBANDS DAY!! Threaten to univite your sister. Go low contact afterwards because they clearly do NOT add to your happiness.
fallingintopolkadots said:
NTA. This is a wedding, not a book launch. It's not about her...at all. Also, so she wrote a book -- awesome -- does she have an agent? A publishing deal? Anything? Is there anything worth launching yet?
Suspicious-8388 said:
NTA This day is about You and Dave. I was already thinking she was the golden child before you said it, because one thing they can't stand is not having All the attention All the time. She doesn't just want to launch at your wedding, she just doesn't want all the attention on you, and not her.
I would be very hesitate to invite her to the wedding. As for your parents, may I suggest telling them they can pay for an event for her launching and invite all the family and everyone. This decision will not change.
You were even nice enough to offer a compromise of allowing her to hand out invitations at your wedding. If they keep pushing, may I also suggest taking their dis inviting them until they realize this is You and Dave's day. Just out of curiosity, Did she announce she finished the book after you announced your day that you will be married?
Zer0Studioz said:
NTA. Being treated second-class to your sister has got to suck. Idk how your family doesn't realize that your wedding is your wedding. This is probably the best time to try and go NC with them, maybe even uninvite them from your wedding. I realize that sounds harsh, but if they want you to give up your special day for her, then they need to learn the hard way.
firefly232 said:
NTA. Try asking your parents why they think a wedding is an appropriate place for a book launch, as opposed to a book store. Isn't your sisters publisher planning a formal event?
Purple-Clerk-8165 said:
NTA. Your sister is the selfish one - trying to make your day all about her. She's been raised to feel entitled to take everything that's yours because that's what your parents have taught her (and you to a degree, since you're asking if you're the AH).
This is the time to stand your ground and stop being your family's scapegoat. Remember - having a relationship with your sister and parents is optional, and they are not entitled to it, nor are they entitled to come to your wedding, much less make it all about them.
They have treated you like a second-class citizen your whole life. Despite being blatantly wrong and obviously abusive, they aren't going to change. You should not have people like this in your life.