'AITA for telling my sister that she deserved her breakup after what she did?' 'Even our parents adored him.'
"AITA for telling my sister that she 'deserved' her breakup after what she did to her ex?"
This has been eating at me for a while, and my family is split on who's in the wrong, so I need outside opinions. My sister, *Anna* (27F), was dating *Mark* (29M) for about three years. They lived together, had a dog together, and honestly seemed perfect for each other. Mark was a good guy—stable job, treated Anna really well, and was basically part of the family. I liked him, and even our parents adored him.
A few months ago, Anna told me that she was starting to feel "bored" in the relationship. She said Mark was a little too predictable and that she missed the excitement of dating. I told her that was normal after a while and suggested they plan something spontaneous or talk things through, but she seemed set on causing drama.
Next thing I know, Anna tells me she’s been secretly flirting with this guy at her gym, *Ethan* (25M). She said it was just "innocent fun" to spice things up, but I told her she was playing with fire. Well, apparently that escalated, and she ended up hooking up with Ethan.
Mark found out after she left her phone unlocked, and all the texts between her and Ethan were right there. He was devastated and broke up with her immediately. Anna was heartbroken too, but more because she "didn't think he'd find out," and she "just wanted some fun, not to ruin the relationship."
This is where things get heated. Anna called me crying, saying Mark was being "dramatic" for leaving her over one mistake and that she didn’t deserve to lose everything over a fling. She wanted me to comfort her, but instead, I lost it. I told her that she **deserved** the breakup because she cheated and hurt someone who treated her so well. I said she made her bed, and now she had to lie in it.
Anna hung up on me, and now she’s telling everyone in the family that I "kicked her while she was down" and that I’m a terrible sister for not supporting her during a hard time.
My parents think I was harsh but agree with what I said, while a few relatives are saying I should've been kinder since she’s already suffering the consequences of her actions. So, AITA for telling my sister she deserved her breakup?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PetrogradSwe said:
NTA. She wasn't taking responsibility for her actions. You merely reminded her of the cause and effect. If the truth hurts, she should change her behavior, not shoot the messenger.
churchofdan said:
Hard NTA. And honestly, thank goodness Mark found out the type of selfish, immature person your sister is before he proposed. Your sister isn't emotionally mature enough for a relationship with a good guy.
sunshinexjane said:
Your sister’s self-created drama is like her own personal soap opera, and she’s mad that you’re not playing the role of the sympathetic viewer who applauds her poor decisions. She cheated, got caught, and now wants sympathy for her own mess. She made her bed; she has to lie in it.
Spoopyowo said:
NTA, she did make her bed, and now is lying in it, if everyone tiptoes around her and says that mark is being unreasonable or whatever will not help her learn and grow as a person. You called her out and she probably needs more people in her life to tell her the hard truth. Hopefully she grows from this.
JoelPMMichaels said:
She needed a reality check. Got one and didn’t like it. NTA.
fulcrum_ct-7567 said:
NTA, she just mad she has to deal with her consequences. Now she can go date who she wants. She f'd around and found out. Best of luck to her ex, hopefully he’s out there living it up.