'AITA for telling my sister her husband cheated even though he didn't?'
"AITA for telling my sister her husband cheated even though he didn't?"
Klutzy_Bowl4960
I (29F) have always been close to my sister (32F), and I've never liked her husband (35M). He's always seemed shady to me, and I've had suspicions about his fidelity for years.
I've seen the way he looks at other women, and I know he's got a wandering eye. I've tried to talk to my sister about it before, but she just brushes it off and tells me I'm being paranoid.
There are so many red flags with this guy. He's always working late nights and "forgetting" his phone at home, he's got a secret Instagram account that he thinks I don't know about, and he's always flirting with other women right in front of my sister.
I've seen him make inappropriate comments to our waitress, and even hit on my friend at a family gathering! When I confronted him about it, he just laughed it off and told me I was being too sensitive.
Recently, I discovered a suspicious text message on his phone. It was from a number that wasn't saved in his contacts, and all it said was "Can't wait to see you tonight".
I knew something was up, and I just knew he was cheating. I was so angry and hurt for my sister, and I knew I had to tell her. I couldn't just sit back and watch her get hurt like this.
So, I waited until our family dinner the next night and confronted him in front of everyone. I told my sister what I saw, and she was devastated. She confronted him, and he denied it, but I knew he was lying. I mean, I've seen the way he looks at other women, and I know he's capable of it.
The problem is, I was wrong. Her husband wasn't cheating. He was actually talking to a colleague about a work project, and the woman was a new client. My sister confronted him, and he was devastated that she would even think that about him. He feels like she doesn't trust him, and now their marriage is on the rocks.
Now my sister is furious with me. She says I've ruined her marriage and that she can't trust me anymore. Her husband is barely speaking to me, and our whole family is in an awkward situation.
My parents are disappointed in me, and my other siblings are taking sides. My brother is even saying that I'm jealous of my sister's perfect marriage and that's why I'm trying to sabotage it.
I understand why my sister is upset, but I was just trying to protect her. I didn't mean to cause any harm. And honestly, I still have my doubts about her husband... AITA for telling my sister her husband cheated even though he didn't, and now their marriage is on the rocks and our family is at war? Help me!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
squirrelsareevil2479
YTA. You have been proven wrong and you're still doubling down that you are suspicious. Why are you so invested in your theory that he cheats? It sounds like he's a friendly guy that isn't giving off creep vibes to anyone but you.
Are you jealous of your sister? You don't mention any problematic behaviour on his "secret" Instagram account which you would have if it existed. You need to examine why it's so important to you to "expose" him.
Mountain_Remote_464
YTA. If your only intention was truly to help your sister, you would have told her privately what you saw and gently expressed concern, not created a scene in front of your entire family. Maybe this man is an asshole and maybe he’s not, but if he is he’s not alone.
Klutzy_Bowl4960 OP responded:
If he is, isn’t good that I warned her?
Mountain_Remote_464
The way you did it was not a warning, it was a spectacle. Now, even if something ever does happen, she is more likely to look past it because they have already had this argument and it was baseless. But like it sounds like he is a normal nice dude and you just don’t like him.
Individual_Ad_9213
YTA -- big time. You were not trying to protect your sister. You were trying to do exactly what you did: to ruin her marriage because you don't like her husband. That your accusations are groundless is just a detail.
mlc885
YTA. I wouldn't trust you anymore if I was your sister, you are incredibly unreliable and apparently kinda weird. You snooped through a phone to ruin a marriage because you didn't like somebody. I wouldn't let you in my house again.
SHIR0YUKI
Help you? Here's what you do. Call your sister and brother in law to a public place. Once you meet up, you get on your hands and knees and plant your head so hard into the ground it gives you a concussion.
Then apologize and tell them they never have to speak to you again, you just wanted them to know how sorry you were and honestly you aren't but lie through your ass to make it genuinely believable. Then leave, and never contact either of them again until and or unless they want to reopen that line of communication.
BoredofBin
YTA! How can you even think you are anything but. For a 29 year old, you really don't have an idea of how important trust and faith are in a marriage, do you? Why would you snoop around his phone? And infringe upon his privacy and try and break his marriage?
Just the way you talk about your BIL makes it clear that you have a bias against him. You are not even considering giving him the benefit of the doubt. And to top that you are assassinating his character without proof. Your highly immature behaviour is the reason your sister's marriage is on the rocks. I hope you are proud of yourself.