'AITA for telling my sister I don't want to hear about her money problems?'
"AITA for telling my sister I don't want to hear about her money problems?"
Ok-Squirrel-8601
I (F22) live with my boyfriend (M24). We aren't poor but we do have to budget for things that we want, although technically we are considered low income. My boyfriend works in retail and I work as a hairdresser, both of which are not super high paying jobs.
My sister "Emily" (F32) and I have not been super close, and to be honest I do not really like her. I feel like she just takes and does not give, and is condescending towards me. She and her husband are both full-time nurses and they have 2 kids ages 4 and 7.
I know that nurses don't make crazy salaries but Emily and her husband definitely don't earn peanuts. Neither of them have school debt either, as they both had scholarships. For her entire adult life, Emily has been very irresponsible with money. She always needs new, flashy things and would constantly ask our parents for money.
She and her husband both have fancy range rover cars, wear mostly designer clothes and are often eating at expensive restaurants. I do not know how much of this is being funded by themselves or my parents, but I know my parents give them money every month to "help with the kids' expenses".
She recently admitted to me that she has run up a lot of credit card debt, and frequently complains that our parents do not give them enough money. I became frustrated hearing the constant complaining.
I told Emily I don't really want to hear about it when I have never been given anything by our parents and she is living a much better lifestyle than most people. I said that if she wants to pay off her debts she should start by cutting back on luxuries.
She got really defensive and said that she works very hard and deserves to have nice things. I explained that I know she works hard but she is quite literally living beyond her means.
This blew up into an argument as Emily said it's not my job to police her choices and I'm just jealous of her, to which I said I'm not jealous of someone who is in debt and I don't want to hear about her problems that she could've easily avoided. She said I just don't understand how hard life has been for her.
Emily hasn't spoken to me since and my mom is urging me to apologize and says that I am being cold. I don't think I have anything to apologize for but Emily has never been this angry with me before. Was I really the AH?
OP added this in response to a comment:
We aren't close in the sense that we do not speak a lot and when we do, we rarely talk about our feelings, goals, fears, etc, it's all very surface-level. We do talk, just not a lot. We do have a large age gap so I'm not sure if that kind of relationship is typical of large age gap siblings.
The context of that specific conversation was after a family barbecue when we were alone and were just talking about life I guess.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
WiseOldBMW
NTA. Emily seems to be throwing a hissy-fit because she's facing the consequences of her actions. I think her saying you're "just jealous of her" may be her projecting in some way because it sounds like you and your BF are wiser about your spending habits than her.
Her argument is absurd, to say the least. She's already living beyond her means in a double-income household, which makes her a negligent parent at BEST. And no matter how hard she works, she has no business having "nice things" if they're out of her budget.
If you're open to suggestions on what course of action to take, I'd recommend bringing this up with your parents, making it clear that Emily is in financial ruin, and immediately absolve yourself of any involvement right after.
diminishingpatience
NTA. You were right in everything you said. Your parents are enabling her to make poor choices and she still expects more from them.
kinkyfox221
NTA. for setting boundaries and expressing frustration with your sister's financial complaints, given her irresponsible spending and reliance on parental support while you and your boyfriend live within your means without such help.
PuzzleheadedRoyal559
Emily does not like the fact her poor choices are adding up and unless the National Bank of Mom and Dad starting paying more, she knows a day of reckoning is coming and is scared.
She knows everything you said is true, but admitting that is admitting she’s not completely in control and that sounds against her nature. We all deserve nice things. We just don’t all get them. She’s going to learn this the hard way. NTA.
Far_Information_9613
NTA. You spoke your truth and she didn’t like it. Now you need to decide if you are prepared to lie and apologize for the sake of familial harmony. Sounds like you don’t much care about your relationship with her so I would let it go. Let her be mad.
Delicious-Jaguar-543
NTA. Even if you make great money, you can definitely run up debt if you don’t have a budget in place. She shouldn’t be asking for any money. She could easily work some nursing OT and pay off her stuff. She needs to grow up and get wise.
C_Majuscula
NTA. She needs a wakeup call before she and her husband have to declare bankruptcy to get out of the hole they have dug for themselves.