'AITA for telling my sister that I won’t be after school care for her 5 yr old daughter?'
"AITA for telling my sister that I won’t be after school care for her 5 yr old daughter?
I (F40) work for my father’s company as an accountant. My sister (F38) works for the city we live in, and my BIL (M35) also works for my dad, but in a different capacity and position in the field. For context, my dad is a licensed electrician and he’s built and maintained a successful business for over 30 years.
School started in our county two weeks ago. Last week, my brother-in-law shows up at my office and drops off my niece. He asked if I could watch her for the afternoon, and I said of course. Then he proceeded to drop her off every day after that at the same time. On Friday, I was asked if it was OK if I watched her for the rest of the school year.
I am childless by choice. I don’t particularly want to watch my niece every single week day. I don’t like that it was assumed I would do so. I don’t mind helping, but I am at work during this time and I don’t like that I am juggling two things at once. My dad is ok with me keeping her and is pretty much staying out of this arrangement.
After school care is offered in our district for $25 per week. When I said “no, I don’t want to be the primary care for her after school,” my BIL reacted strongly and told my dad that he’d need afternoons off because I said I would not watch her.
Part of me feels like I just need to suck it up and watch her because “you do for family.” The other part of me wants to stick to my guns and keep saying no. So, AITA for trying to draw this line in the sand with my sister and BIL?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Nope. Their monkey, their problem. You are not a parent because you don't want to be a parent. BIL is being an AH, $25 is dead cheap for child care.
Right? I saw 25 and was like, 'scuse me ma'am?. Absolutely cheap. BIL is being a manipulative AH OP. Put your foot down. Let your father deal with his employees. He has ran this business. He is more than capable. Say no, I am at work. End of subject. End of explaining. Put your foot down before you become permanent unpaid babysitter for all of their children.
Mark my words, if you back down now, even school holiday and summer break you will be babysitting while also trying to do your job! Stick to your boundaries!!
Strange-Teacher9653 (OP)
This is what I’m afraid it will become - just a default babysitter.
NTA. She isn't your kid. They can just pay $25 a WEEK. That is nothing. Heck your dad would probably give him a $25/week raise if $25 is a significant amount where you live.
What were they doing with the child three weeks ago? You'd think she would need more childcare outside of the school year than once it starts again.
Strange-Teacher9653 (OP)
This was one of my points when we had the conversation about it being for the rest of the year! I said “why didn’t you plan for this? Why is it just now a scramble to get it taken care of?”
$25 a week for childcare is nothing. Your BIL is likely LOSING more money by pretending this is so complicated and that the only solution requires him to have afternoons off. BIL and sister need to get a grip and not pretend this situation is a mountain when it’s barely a pebble and so easily solved.
NTA. I personally can’t stand it when you help someone a little bit and instead of thanking you, it has the opposite effect to where they feel like you owe them the help.
It doesn’t matter what you do with your childless free time because it’s yours. The fact that he’s weighing out whether or not your free time is used wisely enough while trying to guilt you into taking in a kid he chose to have is another issue of his own part. That issue is called entitlement.
Your time is worth something. He’s not even offering you compensation. He’s triangulating to your family members with a tantrum that he can’t get free childcare from you. He’s very irresponsible and blatantly manipulative. Don’t do anything for him again. You’ll just enable his behavior and he will think that throwing a tantrum gets him free stuff from you and it’ll never stop.
NTA. She should be playing with other children, not stuck in an office. $25 a week is nothing. Tell him no and then disappear if he tries to drop her off with you. You are not a babysitter, especially not during work hours.
Strange-Teacher9653 (OP)
Yes! Thank you! I said that in our discussion. I told them that I have teacher friends who run the after school program and they do educational things vs sitting here with me wearing my office supplies out.
NTA. They made the kid, they figure out how to pay for daycare or A+ afterschool. Not your problem. Stand strong and don't back down. If you wanted kids, you'd have your own.
Other option: Google some day cares in the area, work out how much time you're giving up, then tell your sister and BIL that you'll need to be paid XYZ which is the going rate for that many hours of daycare. (I'd still stand strong and not watch a kid that wasn't mine, but you make the point that they're taking advantage of your time "for family". That's a BS excuse.)