'AITA for telling my sister I would never let her watch my kids?'
"AITA for telling my sister I would never let her watch my kids?"
_collateraldamage
My sister offered to take my 3 year old with her home to Chicago for a month to help me out. My (30F) older sister (48F) lives in Chicago and we live in North Carolina. I am the youngest of 9 and I never formed a relationship with her. I tried a long time ago but it just didn't work out. A little background of our relationship:
In her childhood, our mother allowed some bad things to happen to her, so I genuinely believe that she took her frustrations out on me instead of our mother so I try to give her grace. In my childhood, she treated me like a step sister.
She treated me like I was a nuisance to be around. She would call me names and would pick at me about the smallest things. She would show blatant favoritism by getting my cousins gifts and not getting me anything as a child. She would do this in front of me.
She would talk down to me. She never tried spending quality time with me. Whenever she would talk to me, it would always be about what I was doing wrong. There's so much more but I would be typing all day.
Now that we're older, she doesn't even call me. I have called her on numerous occasions to check in on her. For example, when she was admitted into the hospital because she had an allergic reaction AND when she almost cut her fingers off, I called her.
When my daughter was in the hospital, she never called to check on me to see if I was okay or to see if my baby was okay. If anything she made me feel guilty for being in the hospital with my child while she was having HEART surgery.
She literally asked me, "Why has our mother been watching your children for 2 weeks" ... they knew why. When I reminded her about my child's heart surgery, she says to me, "Well. Your other children miss you and you need to get them. I'm not sure why you're so concerned about your child in the hospital. She won't remember any of it when she gets older."
She asked me why I said no. And I told her, "Im not leaving my child for an entire month with someone I don't trust in an entire different state. I don't even KNOW you. You've never showed empathy towards me or her in the past and you expect me to leave her with you. I would never in my life do that."
Now everyone is calling me an AH because I hurt her feelings.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Loquacious555
I don't even care if you two were close who in their right mind would just send their kid off out of state for a month!? That's just bonkers! NTA.
_collateraldamage (OP)
I couldn’t agree more. I felt crazy for a minute because everyone made me feel like i was crazy and wrong for saying no.
kitkatcoco
NTA. I am so proud of you for telling the truth and holding a healthy boundary!! I am so proud of you! Dysfunctional families rally around abusers and bully survivors. Their behavior bullying you confirms who they are. How do they even know what you said to her?
Hmmmm? Did she run to them to tell them and gang them up against you? How is any of this THEIR business? It’s not. You did well to get away from them. Good job! Ignore the haters! Anyone calling you an asshole that is not HER, is being manipulated.
Best way to respond is, “I know you know better than to believe everything you hear”. And “ I wouldn’t be discussing our private business with anyone”- if they ask you to dish. You’ve got this. Good job.
LettheWorldBurn1776
NTA. But OP why are you even speaking to this person?
You share DNA, but you don't share a relationship. Walk away.
Redrose7735
Your sister was 18 when you were born? You aren't by any chance her child, are you? Because that is the first thought I had as I read her post.
Amazing-Top9658
NTA, you have more than enough reasons not to accept, now they are worried about their feelings, but before they were worried about yours? Were they worried about your relationship with your sister? Remain firm in your decision, which in my opinion is the correct one.
SugarxPudding
NTA. Your sister's history of mistreatment and lack of empathy make her an unsafe choice for your child. Your priority is your daughter's safety, not your sister's feelings.
Tigarana
INFO: Could it be that she's reacting out of emotion, because your mom is looking after the children, and because of the history between mother and her? Also, don't think you are the AH for saying no. Your kids, your choice. And it makes all the sense to not ship of your kids to a different state.
_collateraldamage (OP)
That could definitely be it!
Loose-Fold6570
And WHY is she offering to take your toddler to a different state for a whole month? We need context. And how did she react when you explained why you said no? Regardless of the relationship between you two that’s still a crazy offer.
_collateraldamage (OP)
My mom offered to help me out, and I accepted the help. She asked me if I was overwhelmed, and I admitted to her that sometimes I do get overwhelmed. She decided to share that with my sister, who called me and made her offer.
Roroin
NTA. X: You were mean to your sister, she just wants to help.
"The sister who hurt you as a child tried to belittle your daughter's surgery and basically pretended you didn't exist."
They will surely belittle what you went through because 'she's your sister, she's family'. You have the right to refuse to have your daughter cared for by someone who hurt her mother, and who said something like 'She won't remember the surgery'.