'AITA for telling my sister that if she needs this much handholding I won’t have her babysit?'

"AITA for telling my sister that if she needs this much handholding I won’t have her babysit anymore?"

I am very good friends with the woman across the hall from me. She’s a single mom to 2 kids (2 and 6) and I help her a lot with the kids. She handles school and daycare drop off, I do pick up and extracurricular activities, dinner’s a solid 60% her, 20% me, 20% restaurants. When school and daycare are closed, I’m typically the one that stays home with them because my schedule is more flexible.

I do get paid for my help with the kids but I charge her below market rate for babysitting. The older one is out of school all week. I also have the week off so I’m mostly home with him but earlier today I had a dentist appointment so I left my sister (18) with him for 2 hours.

I left instructions saying that he needed to read for 15 minutes, could have 30 minutes of screen time, a list of things she could give him when he got hungry (things that require a slight bit of preparation but next to no skill: peanut butter sandwich, dino nuggets (with instructions), Kraft mac and cheese, etc.) with a note to give him a fruit and vegetable.

I also told her to tell him that he can take the dog to the park for a chocolate bar and left some craft kits out.

This should’ve been the easiest babysitting job ever. She started texting me 10 minutes in with the most basic questions, like what is he supposed to read (there’s a shelf full of books in the living room), is he allowed to play with the toys on the table, he wants a snack, what should she give him for lunch, does she need to go to the park with him and the dog, does TV count as screen time.

I told her any book is fine, she needs to go to the park with him, figure the rest out based on the instructions and common sense. When I got back dude was an hour into a movie and my sister was upset that I basically left her to fend for herself and that just because this stuff comes easy to me, doesn’t mean it does to her.

I told her that I left her a page of instructions, toys on the table, a shelf full of books, and that she should be able to figure the rest out on her own but if she needs this much handholding, I’ll get another babysitter next time.

Now she’s mad at me because I know she needs the money and it’s not her fault that she didn’t know what to do.

Now I’m wondering if I was a little harsh because she always did need things to be spelled out for her.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

mascnz wrote:

I say this as someone who taught 16-19 year olds — the Gen Z / Gen A kids coming through have not learnt critical thinking skills. They need A LOT of handholding. They want everything told to them exactly (sweeping brushstrokes here, of course that isn’t everyone).

If you see what teachers are saying about students coming through, there has been a sharp decline. (One could argue it is the TikTok generation, mass media packaging everything into bite size chunks, shorter attention spans, everything fighting for their attention, but I am sure there are other factors).

Leaving a list of instructions, even explaining everything beforehand — she won’t have read them, won’t have understood them, hence all the questions. Handholding. The question is whether you want to help her learn, so she can babysit in future. Maybe have her sit with you when you babysit, so she can see and ask questions then (as long as she is paying attention and not on her phone).

embopbopbopdoowop wrote:

If you’re leaving a child in the care of someone inexperienced for two hours, you don’t break it down to reading and screen time, require them to source their own food and make sure he eats a fruit and a vegetable, throw in a park visit with pet care and make her check off your usual caring to-do list.

You pick a movie the kid likes, put it on, have snacks and food already prepared for her to simply hand out, make sure your sister knows about any allergies or medical requirements, hand her a list of emergency contacts, and off you go.

YTA. You gave her way too much to do and way too many instructions. You overwhelmed her. (ETA please update your post to clarify that she was asking if ANY of them needed to go to the park, not if she needed to accompany them.)

amethystjade15 wrote:

INFO: How much babysitting experience does your sister have, and how much time did she have to ask questions before you left her alone? For someone who’s used to watching kids, those are all pretty straightforward instructions, but not necessarily someone with zero experience.

Mullein55 wrote:

Regardless of whether your sister needs the money or not, the child needs to be well cared for. If she lacks the common sense to do a decent job, then best find someone else. NTA.

annedroiid wrote:

NTA. This would almost feel like weaponized incompetence if it weren't for the fact she was mad about you finding someone else next time. She couldn't figure out that a TV is a screen or that a 6-year-old cannot go out of the house with no supervision? Come on now.

You gave her plenty of instructions. Even a child should've been able to follow them. The fact that she couldn't shows such a lack of common sense that she should not be trusted with a child.

competitve_test6697 wrote:

Why are you so involved with these kids?

Sub-contracting babysitting duties and acting like they are your kids.

Kairenne wrote:

It’s a two hour appointment. You overwhelmed her with your instructions.

A snack would have been enough. The kid didn’t need to take the dog to the park. Seriously? Too bad about the hour video. She was there to keep him alive.