'AITA for telling my sister I'm not the mother of her children?' 'I'm going to take my life more seriously.'
"AITA for telling my sister I'm not the mother of her children?"
I'm an 18-year-old female, and I have an older sister, 29, who has two children, ages 8 and 4. Most of my childhood was spent taking care of her children while she went out to parties and such. Now that I'm going off to do a course in practical nursing to boost my resume for university, she's asking me to put my future on hold and look after her children so she can enjoy herself before I leave for university.
The thing is, my mom warned me when I was young not to babysit or look after her children because of her attitude. I didn't listen. She also said this might be my sister being jealous because she used to go to nursing school but made friend with the wrong group in the end she didn't pass her final exam, so she dropped out of school.
So, everything came to a head yesterday because applications for the course started yesterday, when I was talking to our mom about it. my sister heard that I applied, she got upset and started shouting about how selfish I am and how this is the only thing she's ever asked me to do - like I didn't spend my whole childhood from age 11 to now looking after and taking care of her children. I told her to stop being childish and that it isn't my fault she had children, and I'm not their mother. The children call me "mom" - they did for about two years, even when corrected, they still call me "mom."
Apparently, I should have said this sooner. She started yelling at our mom, saying I'm her favorite because if I wasn't, she would tell me to put my future aside and help her with her children.
Our mom told her point-blank that she would never tell any of us to put our future on hold. She said she gave us all the same opportunity, and it's not anyone's fault she didn't use hers wisely. Now she has children, and I'm going to take my life more seriously. She needs to take responsibility for her children because no one told her to have them, and she can't look after them.
She started crying and left. Then my mom started yelling at me, saying she warned me from the very beginning, and I didn't listen. She said I need to stop being a pushover because I lost my whole childhood when I was supposed to be outside playing with friends, going out, and just being a kid.
I was babysitting like I gave birth. She said it's my fault my sister became so entitled because when she made plans for me to go out, I would cancel to watch the children. She's not wrong; I would always feel sorry for my sister because she knew how to manipulate me just because I don't like to see people suffer or be sad.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HarlotteHoehansson said:
NTA. Under no circumstances should you put your future on hold to be a nanny.
BeardManMichael said:
NTA - stop providing her free child care. She needs to pay you or to find alternative child care resources. Alternatively, you can ignore the advice above if ANY of that puts a stop to plans for your future. You are allowed to put yourself first and let your sister manage her own family.
ExtensionVast7994 said:
NTA, but your sister and even your mother sure are. Your mother should have set the boundaries with her daughter and not expect an 11 year old to do it. If your sister is an entitled AH. That’s on your mom not you.
Odd_Welcome7940 said:
NTA...Also your mom is dead wrong. This isn't even you enabling your sister. You were 11. You were a child. If you were 16 or 17 yes you could have said no yourself. At 11, your mom shouldn't have been letting you babysit anymore than an hour or two a week. Even then it's questionable.
However stopping that was your mom's responsibility. If she couldn't control your sister she damn sure should have been in control of you and who interacts with you. Your sister has abused you through parentification and your mom enabled all of it. They are both failures in regards to how they treated you. Complete and utter failures.
LadyVioletLuna said:
NTA, but definitely try paragraphs next time. Don’t let her bully you into continuing to provide childcare.
UseYourIndoorVoice said:
NTA but your mom isn't blameless. You were a child, being asked to do something by an aggressive older sibling. This wasn't a "you need to stand up for yourself" moment. It was a "mom takes care of her kids " moment.
She could have shut your sister down before you had to. She could have taken the heat off of your tiny shoulders. Parents take care of their kids. Seems like your older sister internalized lessons your mom never intended to teach. That being said, better late than never.