'AITA for telling my sister it's inappropriate to date her deceased husband's best friend?'
"AITA for telling my sister it's inappropriate to date her deceased husband's best friend?"
My (26F) sister (32F) lost her husband 2 years ago in a work accident. They have a little girl who is currently 3 years old. It was a very difficult time for her and she cried herself sick.
We at one point were very worried she would suicide. She lost a ridiculous amount of weight and looked half dead. Every time we video called she looked worse and worse. It took a huge toll on her.
Her husband's best friend ( mid 30s) was the one that stuck around the most. He made sure the baby was taken care of and helped her with everything around her place that her husband normally did. We were thankful for that because she didn't live close to us but it also was weird that he was hanging around so much.
My sister's husband was a welder ( the best friend is as well), she is a nurse, and they owned a huge property with a hobby farm/ homestead. They have a really nice house and the barn is packed full of equipment everything from farm equipment to welding stuff her husband had. Idk how much all of it is worth but just the tractor itself she said was more than the house.
Anyway recently we found out that she has started dating the best friend and he is basically already living with them. She said it is nice to have someone that was going through the same pain she was losing him and the two of them took comfort in each other. He was helpful to her and she fell for him.
We are still pretty sure he's just there because of the stuff and told her it was inappropriate to date her husband's best friend. We also told her if she does decide to go forward with anything she needed to get a prenuptial agreement.
Between the equipment, his life insurance, and the payout she got from the company he worked for when he died she is sitting on a ton of money and we think he is there specifically because he knows she has that.
She got upset and said he's never asked her to pay for anything and he wouldn't do that. She has known him for 11 years and he has always been good to them. She wasn't ready for marriage and she wouldn't allow someone to take her husband's things but she trusts him and he was there helping her which is more than she could say for anyone else.
We live several states away so it's not like we can easily drive to her on a whim to help but the family called nearly every day to keep in touch and make sure she was okay. I feel like she was just using that to lash out.
However several others have gotten involved and believe we are looking too far into it. We've never even met the guy outside of their wedding and my nieces first birthday party and the funeral.
I don't know, maybe I am being too harsh, but it seems convenient. She was a devastated widow and he was able to easily wedge himself in because he lost his friend. It just feels off to me. AITA for telling my sister it is inappropriate?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Mind! Your! Own! Business! Of course YTA. This was her husband's best friend, so clearly HE trusted his bf. You've reduced her new love to being a gold-digger - of COURSE she's angry at you. For good reason.
Exactly, it really doesn’t concern you, how they both move through their shared loss is not your business.
YTA. It’s not uncommon for people to bond over a shared loss like that. It’s a pain only the two of them truly understand. You gave no actual reason he’d only be with her for the money, just that she has it. Widows are allowed to find love again.
She's an adult. Let her make her own decisions. Allow her to be happy. YTA.
YTA. The assumptions about his intentions come off as jealousy. Who the hell do you think you are to tell her who she can date? It sounds like she's gotten very lucky and found someone who cares for her and understands her pain and history. The ONLY inappropriate thing in your post is your unasked for, audacious and rude assertions. You're not getting her money. STFU.
YTA. The guy has been good to her. She likes him. You don't really know him. Mind your own damn business.
You haven’t said why you think his intentions are questionable? From your post it sounds like he’s been an absolute rock to her during the unimaginable, and if he is now making her happy then I would just be happy for her.
YTA. But I understand why you care.
"Rebound relationships"
"Best pal taking advantage of a vulnerable woman"
And so forth. Except they are both fully grown adults. Fully grown. Not children. Not YOUR children. Would it be appropriate to express concerns? Absolutely. THAT is love. THAT is respect. TELLING your sister it's ANYTHING, nope. It is what THEY choose.
IF she ends up being hurt emotionally, psychologically, or physically, it would be heart-wrenching. Devastating. And yet telling an adult human being that you know better, rather than respectfully just raising concerns about your OPINION, is quite unhealthy.
Holy moley, YES YOU'RE THE AH. YTA. There is literally no one else in the world who will be able to understand her loss better than her husband's best friend. If attraction and love has developed between them, the only appropriate thing for you to do is tell her you're glad she's found happiness.
Yo. Real talk? YTA here. Your sister’s been through hell lost her man, nearly lost herself, and somehow clawed back to life for her kid. Now she’s found comfort in someone who actually showed up when she was drowning. You’re out here side-eyeing the dude who fixed her tractor, helped raise her kid, and didn’t ghost when things got messy… but you live states away and only call? C’monnn.
Grief does wild things to people. Trauma bonds ain’t pretty, but they’re real. Unless he’s out here sellin’ her husband’s tools on craigslist or askin’ for cash, maybe trust that the woman who survived rock bottom knows her own heart?
Instead of policin’ her choices, try askin’ her how she’s really doin’. Send her wine, not guilt. Snd if you’re that pressed about the money, gift her a lawyer consult not a lecture. 💀🍷